Kellaz, A Journal

Someone out there is acting on spite.  I won't mention it here, but I just wanted to know why... Someone told me a big fat lie about my best friend, I confronted my best friend and it was not true, I thought to myself, why would someone say a lie like that.  It was as if this someone (tired of typing 'someone' so I'll give and initial... X nicely marks the spot)...  As I was saying, I was wondering and asking why X tell such a lie about my best friend and the intention was clearly to break us apart.  Obviously, X is acting on spite, being ridiculously spiteful.  X told me that my best friend said I was thick and pathetic.  I asked my best friend, he said, first of all thick, is not in his vocabulary and no, he didn't say all of that.  He said if ever someone said that, it would be probably be X.   Recently, X's friend which is just an acquaintance of mine, told another big fat lie, trying to break my new relationship apart.  Coincidence, maybe.  But what are the

This picture was taken from  MSN .  This is especially dedicated for  Babe .  We were classmates when we were in college.  And for the past few months we have been chatting a lot on  MSN after finding each other from  Facebook .  A great tool that is.  Here it is,  Babe , this post dedicated to you...  Way Hunky Santa finds you, and put you on his lap so you can whispers all the gifts that you ever wanted LOL.  Salivate away.... Yesterday was Christmas.  Not that I cared so much about that, but the thing is, it seems that everybody is having a barbeque everywhere.  I suppose there were extra beef steaks left from last  Hari Raya AidilAdha .  But it seems that almost everybody in my  Facebook  are leaving post barbeque experience in their shout outs.  I feel like I've missed a major event or something. Yesterday too was Aiedee's Birthday.  He is now  *sensored*  years old.  I hope he likes his gift, he's been eyeing on an  iPod , so I gave him the latest 4th Generation  iPod

I was quite upset yesterday.  I was confronted by the BIG BOSS  (nicely and understandably) about my work ethics. I am not going to defend myself for this malicious rumours about me.  Yes, I consider them MALICIOUS rumours.  Because they are not true.  I won't dwell much into it, because it is a fucking waste of my time.  I've been working hard here.  No one knows how hard I've tried to work here.  And yet people think I'm slacking off!  Fuck off!  (I'm obviously fucking pissed off, and this would be a tribulation post) This goes hand in hand to my thought post about Judgement.  People are easy to judge a book by it's cover.  I think I have explained that my room is also my office.  People always tends to see me going to my room and not the office.  It's freaking here.  The office is my freaking room and vice versa.  That pisses me off.   Expectations.  Let me ask you, if you are going through hardship, even daily hardship, such as going to field and working

There's a lot of 'heat' radiating from this blog, so I'm going to talk something out of the past and into something of my future and relevance.  I'm going to let things cool down a bit. "People will expect miracles.  You are the miracle.  You have to find a way to be that miracle", that's taken from a movie I watched last night, The Guardian . And today, I saw someone's shout out hoping for a miracle to happen in his facebook (not literally) .  So why am I talking about miracles this time?   Let's see, the dictionary defines 'Miracle' as ‘ a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural orscientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency’. So I think a miracle happened to me last night.  There were some private dialogs that were exchanged yesterday afternoon, it was a weird proposal but last night, low and behold, my 'on-hold' relationship is now a real relationship.  Although I

It is so easy to judge someone purely for what they have done or how they look.  Virtually or maybe literally. All of us know that, that isn't the case.  We cannot judge a person without seeking deeper if required for us to make a balanced judgement.  For example, from my previous post, with my current 'on-hold' relationship.  When the 'second wheel' called me up, he swore and insulted me because he thinks I am a threat to his relationship.  He screamed on the phone and ordered me to back off.  He hung up quickly.  I called him back, explained the situation, and he ended up apologising.  So there you go, there's no need to jump to conclusion, it was easy to jump into conclusion, if one is driven by their emotions.  Which is fully understandable. There are also many instances that we are easy to judge a book by it's cover.  Because a look was all it needs, it's easy, it's lazy, just look, add a little knowledge, stigma and a typical narrow mindset.  S

I'm happy at the moment.  More like content with myself. Thus that was why I feel it was time to put closure and face my past and put it to rest once and for all by starting a dialog with an email.  But apparently, my closure was filled with hate.  It is very ironic.  My ex is still so angry with me.  My ex drove me to kill myself, left me for another (almost), left me with nothing, no hope.  So, I thought, I should be angry with my ex right now.  But hey, I'm not, I bear no grudge on my ex.  In fact I am happy that we broke up.  It was meant to be.  The break-up how hurtful it was, was the most wonderful thing that had happened to me. I broke a lot of promises with my ex.  I promised to be with my ex whatever the future holds for us both.  But then, the condition changed.  So I broke my promise.  How could I be with someone when the one I love wants to see other people.  That's a freaking death wish.  I was also accused of lying and manipulating.  Wow!  That's a first.

Hopefully, this is my last longest long haul offshore.  "Hopefully" because there might be a very small probability of this happening again, when my back-to-back return to his homeland in case of family emergencies.   My last few days onshore was spent dreading that every hours that passed is that I am an hour closer for offshore.  And now, I am here, feeling a little low.  I have a personal reason why I am feeling low.  But I am not ready to dismiss it here in my blog, obviously because of personal reasons. (D'uh!)   So what about it?  This offshore trip is actually supposedly to be exciting.  When I arrive offshore, I didn't arrive empty handed, I arrived with three bags full, (no, I'm not going to sing Baa Baa Blacksheep), one bag full of my clothes, utilities, cosmetics, supplements and electronic gadgets such as iPods and PSP (borrowed PSP, that is), another bag full of food, all food.. I think worth as much as $80 worth of purchase, noodles, potato chips, ch

Yes, (sighing!), yes, yes, I've been quite lazy to write up my blog and on top of that, let's just say subtly, that I've been 'busy'.  Busy of what kind one may ask, well, busy with life and from today onwards, I will be busy preparing my things for the long haul offshore. I've been also busy packing and hauling and unpacking and segregating my stuff from my everyday things and the things that I don't normally use.  And I'm still doing them at the moment, I have logged in a few times, but every time when I got online, I'm surrounded by company that writing my blog seems uneasy, y'know having to talk to them as you're still thinking what you wanted to write about. I still have a few stuff left at my previous housemate's place.  And I am thinking to pick them up next year... when I come back from offshore.  I will be offshore soon, and this will be my last longest trip offshore.  After this, I will be going offshore for only two weeks, and

Thousands of apologies.  I do apologise sincerely and profusely for my lack of updates.  I thought of having a great weekend...  And it turned out to be SUPERBLY FANTASTIC!!!  Fabulous, marvelous...  I feel like on top of the world.   What was it that I do that could make one feel like that..?  I'm afraid I can't dwell into the details because I'm sure not all readers are open to my personal activities.  But I shall say this much to you.   I've been a very very bad bad boy!  LOL!!!  Within rational limitations, of course.   I thought of ending my sorrow, stop wallowing in my depression by letting my hair down (which I literally did, by cropping all of my hair) and enjoy life as it is.  This feeling was after a long and strenuous deep thinking of my life lately.  I thought, I need to live more.  Life is short.   (And yes, Andie, I did say it was long... but that was literally speaking, but I think life is short to spend it miserably, yes) .  I needed a pick up and ju

Nevertheless, news... Bad news first...  Psychologically, it is always good to tell the bad news first, because people expect the worst that could come out from you, the worst situation, and the mindset sort of prepared yourself, it is like bracing yourself before hitting the oncoming car...  So anyway, the bad news is, I will be coming back from offshore in January a week after New Year.  I was thinking to have a belated New Year celebration (by myself, that is).  But after a tele-conversation with my back-to-back colleague earlier this afternoon, he could only get a flight back to Brunei from the Philippines after one week.  The thought of it already makes me depressed.  That means that I will be there offshore for at least 17 days.  Oh, depressing...  But on the bright side, is that Aiedee will be back offshore during that time, so the least is that we'd get bored together... LOL So good news, beside knowing for the fact and previously mention that my house will be constructing

There are unusual faces showing up on the platform.  And with guns too...! When I went downstairs to the gym yesterday early evening, there were army guys everywhere.  They looked wet and tired.  I felt sorry for them.  And when I came downstairs after gym and shower, they were in make-up, the slap dash kind of army type, with wigs and machine gun, having coffee at the mess room.  It was kind of funny, of course, we rarely see machine gun, let alone wigs...  I assume they are having an exercise training or something like that... So what's up with me lately?  Besides being bored offshore, I'm trying to concentrate on myself, by gaining fitness level and losing excess fat.  I need to look hot again, you know, being single again, I have to look hot to attract, people say, looks are not everything, but seriously?  We're in a world of vanity and looks is all that matters, the matter of heart is more of a second factor.  Where do you think the saying "love at first sight&quo

Just a few snapshots I would like to share during my time in KL.  This is the day before the last day.   This is me at Starbucks near Bukit Bintang, using Aiedee's Laptop (because I forgot to recharge my laptop's battery) to look for lenses for my camera.  Oh forgot to mention all these while, I finally got the lens that I wanted.  And for a great bargain too!  I got a Tamron 18-250mm f/4:5.6 and it is FANTASTIC!!!!  These were not taken using the new lenses, because I couldn't use the Tamron lens covers over the canon lens that I have.  But nevertheless, these are my favourites.  Aidee, his wife and I, have never been to KL Tower...  So for us, this was a great day for us all. Aiedee and his wife, spying over a private chopper landing on Times Square. Just info sharing...  I was bored taking pictures of KL...  KL Tower is the fourth highest communication tower in the world, if my memory serves me right... The landscape is just breath taking...  Gasp! So there, more to come

Last night, I spent most of my time chatting with old friends and it was nice to chat with them again, it is ironic at times that I am close with people more when I am offshore...  I suppose loneliness does that to you... I chatted till late last night that I even didn't have my shower, so finally at about midnight I took my warm and needed shower, I felt refreshed, but I also felt a little thirsty.  So I went downstairs to the mess room to get myself some drinks, I was thinking a hot malt drink would send me to sleep.  The catering chef called me up and ask me to follow him to the kitchen, and when I got there, he handed me a bowl of nicely spiced up indomee .  And I just couldn't resist, I know I shouldn't but hey, it's there, handed to me and it would be rude to say no.  So I took it, sat in front of the TV and low and behold, Hairspray was about to play on HBO . I sat there till half past 2a.m enjoying myself watching Hairspray .  I imagined myself living in a fant

I don't know why, but I'm depressed about December.   This year, sucks.  Truly, truly sucks.  All in all, it has been an ugly year.  I've gain a lot of weight, I lost a great relationship (twice!), got myself almost killed in an accident, I lost all of my friends, well, they're not really my friends, but I do consider them my friends, I didn't do my marathon and the sense that this year has dropped straight to zero. I know I sound like a whiny little kid, but gawd how much it sucks!  On the bright side of things, my house.  I'm happy that there is some progress on my house.  And perhaps 6-8 months from now, I will be moving into my (what I expect) to be an empty house.  It will be a house for now, and it will be definitely years to make it my home.  Empty, in this case, is that there will be minimal furniture.  I'm hoping that through this next few  years, with hard work, sweat and blood, maybe I'll get another promotion and I can cope up with the hous

I'm back offshore... I wasn't dreading it so much this time round as I am going to work for only a week, and then off for two weeks and then offshore again for 16 days and spending my new year here. Perhaps my next trip offshore, I'd be dreading to go with the knowledge that I will be here throughout Christmas and New Year.  Not that I celebrate Christmas, but I suppose any reason for celebration is a good time to be onshore.   So what have been happening to me recently?  Oh, life onshore has been really hectic.  I found new friends to hang out with, well sort of.  Besides spending a lot of my time with my future housemate, Billy and we totally had fun and laughter together.  I'm moving out of my current dwelling during my two weeks off next week.  It's probably the last saddest moment for me for this year.  I love my housemates, I love being with them, and they are the nicest people I've ever lived with.  But unfortunately, I have to go.  Not that I have to, b

I hoped you like the pictures I posted.  Sorry for taking a while to upload them into my blog.  Unfortunately, there are more pictures, stunning pictures that I took but I couldn't upload them, because I don't want this blog to be just full of pictures. So what is up with me lately?  Besides, being pathetically lonely, I'm trying to get by the days, day by day...   I met up with a friend recently, and we had a deep conversation about the things I am going through lately.  Although the things he said are blatantly obvious, sometimes, we need to speak of them to realise them.   My friend is going through some changes of his own.  And he's happy with the changes he made to his life.  He is embracing the changes that he going through right now.  And that night, I lay awake thinking about the changes I am embarking.  He think it is more about evolving into something and changing with the new found knowledge that we gained through other eyes and other opinions.  Sometimes, it

Please read Part 1 of this post before reading this one.  After lunch, and after a while trying to look for the road sign for the Crystal Mosque, we finally found.  This place is called Taman Tamadun Islam (Islamic Edutainment Park).  Terengganu major influence comes from PAS (Islamic Party) than the popular Barisan National Party (BN).  To keep the community happy, PAS has decided to invest millions of the Malaysian Ringgit to open this park.   The Entrance Part of the display inside the park.  There are many miniature mosques on display.  Including the famous and beautiful, Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddien Mosque of Brunei.  A miniature Mekah was also featured.  We didn't enter as we were short of time. The islamic architecture was absolutely stunning. This is the Crystal Mosque.  The domes even the minaret tower lights up at night.  It is absolutely stunning, and it is built on water. The riverside of the park I was absolutely stunned by the Islamic influenced architecture. Entrance t

Note:  More explanation of this pictures can be found in my previous post, Click here . This is part one of the batch of pictures of the Kuala Terengganu trip on our third day.  There are a lot of pictures to be uploaded onto this blog.  This is just to give you a feel of what my trip was like.  However, not all of the pictures made it to this blog, because they are 'shaky' .  I couldn't see the blurriness from the camera until I uploaded them into my laptop.  It is a pity because many of the pictures are actually nice pictures.   This is the picture of Kertih .  An equivalent of Seria Town.  This facility is like Seria Town multiplied by ten.  It is freaking huge.  Next to the refineries and crude terminal there are also factories that are based on oil and gas downstream.  It is not just a terminal for oil and gas, it is also the industrial area.   Kertih is a town, we passed by to get to the main city for Terengganu i.e. Kuala Terengganu.   I took quite an amount of p