Stress and Karma's Reimbursement
I was at the peak of my stress, causing my body to shutdown. That happened this week.
In the office there's this one bully. A manager who seems threatened by my, perhaps, enthusiasm or perhaps my ability to lead. He had always under estimated my capabilities as a shutdown engineer. Perhaps, I was the only one who stands up to him and disagree to what he was saying. Purely because he does not know shit of how we run our operations. He dictates everyone, and for the past couple of years, it seems that he have managed to tame my colleagues to his command. Consequently, they jump, run and climb as ordered. And they are not leaders within my unit. Everybody just follows what he says even they disagree to his decision.
After the Chinese New Year, I was being bullied by him via email, showing my lack of command, to my bosses, and I replied unduly with reasons upon my decision that I have made. The next day, he wrote an sarcastic email. It wasn't so much that I was angry for the sarcasm, but this chain email have been going around for almost one month, I have been trying so hard to get who owns the scope and when it finally goes to him, he sarcastically made a remark, that I am trying to oversteer his command. I am just being proactive and helping him. Not that I was trying to step on anybody's shoe. I am helping. Only trying to and that was the thanks I got?
The next day, I didn't go to work, because I just couldn't take it anymore. I incarcerate myself in my room the whole day with no food, no human contact. The next day, I went back to work demotivated and insistent that I will only do my job and only that. No need to be proactive and no need to help or work as a team. Enough is enough, that was what I thought. I'm sick and tired to be pushed around and so, I will just work to get money at the end of the month. That's it. I'm sick of trying, I'm tired of helping.
As for my life, I've decided to take a turn for myself. As I have written in my previous post, my heart and my head can't seem to agree on one thing. Thus, as a result, my unrelenting ambivalence. So I've decided to put myself out there, and date again. But something came out of the blue and shook my whole world. I think Karma have read my blog recently and decided to give me a leeway for my heart and my head to grow. I met someone recently. In just one date, we hit it off and the date went fantastically. Only there's one catch, my date is already taken At the same time, SA came back in my life, as a friend I think, but I felt something between the two of us. I think we feel the same way like we did last year. And I think SA is having second thoughts of coming back to me. Or perhaps it is me who wants to go back together.
Thirdly, there's another, I shall refer as BA. I have a liking towards BA. But BA only treats me as a friend and a confidante. So I know for sure, there's nothing going, but I sort of wanted to, but perhaps even at this age, I still do fear rejection. I don't have any expectations or hopes with respect to BA. I guess, this is one of those things that could happen... But deep inside, you know you're only kidding to yourself.
So that just leave SA and KA. (Oh yeah, I'll name my new date as KA). SA who is having difficulty to commit and KA who is actually already taken. Yesterday, KA admitted having strong loving feelings for me, and KA knows it was too soon. But KA needed to just let it out. I didn't reciprocate KA's feelings, obviously because it's too soon to tell. But yesterday KA said with pure conviction that KA do not want to lose me and will not let me go. I ask about KA's other half. KA went silent.
So Karma listen and gave me what I wanted for my love life, only that it's full of catch. And I don't really know what to do... So much complications to deal with. The best logical decision is to just run away. But I guess, I need to find middle way for my heart and my head to agree.
Oh, I've got to go, will post some more soon, going out to watch a football match with my brother and my brother in law.
Until then...
In the office there's this one bully. A manager who seems threatened by my, perhaps, enthusiasm or perhaps my ability to lead. He had always under estimated my capabilities as a shutdown engineer. Perhaps, I was the only one who stands up to him and disagree to what he was saying. Purely because he does not know shit of how we run our operations. He dictates everyone, and for the past couple of years, it seems that he have managed to tame my colleagues to his command. Consequently, they jump, run and climb as ordered. And they are not leaders within my unit. Everybody just follows what he says even they disagree to his decision.
After the Chinese New Year, I was being bullied by him via email, showing my lack of command, to my bosses, and I replied unduly with reasons upon my decision that I have made. The next day, he wrote an sarcastic email. It wasn't so much that I was angry for the sarcasm, but this chain email have been going around for almost one month, I have been trying so hard to get who owns the scope and when it finally goes to him, he sarcastically made a remark, that I am trying to oversteer his command. I am just being proactive and helping him. Not that I was trying to step on anybody's shoe. I am helping. Only trying to and that was the thanks I got?
The next day, I didn't go to work, because I just couldn't take it anymore. I incarcerate myself in my room the whole day with no food, no human contact. The next day, I went back to work demotivated and insistent that I will only do my job and only that. No need to be proactive and no need to help or work as a team. Enough is enough, that was what I thought. I'm sick and tired to be pushed around and so, I will just work to get money at the end of the month. That's it. I'm sick of trying, I'm tired of helping.
As for my life, I've decided to take a turn for myself. As I have written in my previous post, my heart and my head can't seem to agree on one thing. Thus, as a result, my unrelenting ambivalence. So I've decided to put myself out there, and date again. But something came out of the blue and shook my whole world. I think Karma have read my blog recently and decided to give me a leeway for my heart and my head to grow. I met someone recently. In just one date, we hit it off and the date went fantastically. Only there's one catch, my date is already taken At the same time, SA came back in my life, as a friend I think, but I felt something between the two of us. I think we feel the same way like we did last year. And I think SA is having second thoughts of coming back to me. Or perhaps it is me who wants to go back together.
Thirdly, there's another, I shall refer as BA. I have a liking towards BA. But BA only treats me as a friend and a confidante. So I know for sure, there's nothing going, but I sort of wanted to, but perhaps even at this age, I still do fear rejection. I don't have any expectations or hopes with respect to BA. I guess, this is one of those things that could happen... But deep inside, you know you're only kidding to yourself.
So that just leave SA and KA. (Oh yeah, I'll name my new date as KA). SA who is having difficulty to commit and KA who is actually already taken. Yesterday, KA admitted having strong loving feelings for me, and KA knows it was too soon. But KA needed to just let it out. I didn't reciprocate KA's feelings, obviously because it's too soon to tell. But yesterday KA said with pure conviction that KA do not want to lose me and will not let me go. I ask about KA's other half. KA went silent.
So Karma listen and gave me what I wanted for my love life, only that it's full of catch. And I don't really know what to do... So much complications to deal with. The best logical decision is to just run away. But I guess, I need to find middle way for my heart and my head to agree.
Oh, I've got to go, will post some more soon, going out to watch a football match with my brother and my brother in law.
Until then...
Comments
Cudnt help it but dayum, life is treating u very well indeed....wiff all d lass drooling around u, y complain? hahaha......
hey how bout inviting me over ur crib n letz hv a PARTY....ermm.....aint u all out for GAME? itz gonna b fun n showtime, yunno....shud I say O**y rampagerz?
Lemme me know if itz on well in advance....gonna hv me kitz ready yunno.....hhahahah