The Dating Game

For My Favourite and No.1 Reader fan...

Lest talk not about my love life for a moment and talk about something else.

The dating game.  The question that I am interested, is it really a game?  What do you do in this games?

Some people show their true colours, and some pretend.  This is what we call courtship.  But then again, if we pretend to be someone else during this courtship, is that wrong?  Is that considered a lie?  So where would we draw the line of pretending so that we get the love that we wanted or just plain lying to another?

Playing in the dating game, is personally, daunting.  However, not as to praise myself, most of the time, I try to be myself and most of the time try to make my date feel comfortable.  That is the only thing I try.  Other than that, with all respect, take it or leave it.  Yeah, our date could be this wonderful sexy human being on earth, but if he or she doesn't go in par with my thoughts and my feelings, what's the point?  So being true to yourself, and just being yourself helps.  Sometimes

But what if being yourself brings the worst possible scenario in your date?  Would you be someone else, would you try and pretend to be charming, suave and funny?  Maybe.  Because I don't blame when someone tries to be someone else, yeah, regardless of their intention, for love or just merely to get into their pants.  I ask myself, have I ever tried to impress a date?  Yes, but to a point.  I have my own limitations.  I have tried to be intellectual, yes I have, I've tried look as if I know everything, oh yes, I've tried to suck my stomach althroughout the date.  Yes, guilty of that too.  Pretend that I am as manly than I am.  Oh yes.

And guess what?  It doesn't work.  Sometimes, it's the individuality of a person that attracts another.  Freaky.  Weird.  Selfish.  Funny.  Talkative.  Normal.  Yes.  That's the winner.  Normal.  But hang on, in this day and age, what is normal anymore?  Normalcy is somewhat ambiguous in current times.  What was considered abnormal behaviour is now a norm.  But there are still certain aspects of abnormality that remained constant.  Such as, aggressiveness and disrespectfulness.  Sometimes, to think about it, I really like the dating scene, the prospect of meeting someone new and getting your head over heels.  Not to forget the sensation of floating like a bubble in the air and life seems a breeze.  And I suppose I am like that, just a little (okay, maybe a lot!)  Losing interest once the bubble has burst and reality had set in.  And what is more real than reality?  Commitment, my dear readers.

I suppose that is why men have difficulty to commit.  Life becomes real.  Fantasy had halted to a complete stop and reality starts to settle in, like a flan slowly collapsing in a cupboard.  To certain good men out there, this is what they seek for.  The reality of life, which later extrapolates from fantasy to family.  I know I have said previously that I won't talk about my love life, but... I admit recently, I've burst out of that fantasy bubble and seeking for something permanent.  Something real.  I wouldn't say 'family' real just yet.  But something real, something concrete, a 'foundation' so to speak.  Foundation of life.  Realism.

By saying that, I'm saying this not as a fixed solution to what has gone in my life.  And without further explanation, I have just found something real recently.  With a catch.  You may refer this in my previous post.  Forget BA, forget SA.  I'm staying put with KA.  Yeah, KA is taken.  But it is much complicated than what is obviously wrong.   I'm happy with KA at the moment.  And I'm taking things as it is, and I do expect that one of us, will bound for heartache.  But I'm focusing all my energy and focus on KA at the moment.  Have you ever had that feeling or thought of the right thing to do and the correct thing to do?  I'm doing the right thing to do.  I know obviously, my readers would know I'm not doing the correct thing.  In a way, KA is not cheating.  Yes, KA is taken, but it's much complicated than the facts.  I would like to elaborate more on KA's circumstances.  But at this point, let it be just between the two of us.  For now.  Let's just put it this way, KA is taken, but not in a relationship.  How's that?  Can a couple be a single person?  Can two people be together, yet single?  So basically that's what is going on.  And no, KA is not in an open relationship.

But most important of all, KA fills in the void in my heart.  As friends, yeah, you can call it that.  Friends.  For now.  We haven't made further plans from what is present.  Sometimes it's important to stay focus on the present than counting your eggs before they hatch.  However it is also important to anticipate the future.  And when the future turns present.  Something needs to give way and re-evaluate the situation.  The thing is, regardless of what goes on in the present and future, I'm relatively happy, knowing fully aware that I am bound for heartbreak, but I know for sure when the heartbreak occurs.  I would still be a happy man.  For myself and KA.

At this moment, with respect to KA, I'm losing the boundary between friendship and relationship.  We are sort of in both 'ships'.  But I think what is important here is not worrying too much about what 'ship' we are in, but the care and respect for each other plus the innocent third party.  That's all that matters.  I shall not traverse the boundary that is not mine to cross.  A note to self: Do not crucify yourself.

Until then...