Kellaz, A Journal

Not seasick. I started feeling unwell yesterday, my throat felt sore. But that was it. This morning, I woke up with the sniffles, coughs and a mild fever. I slept the whole day while the guys worked for a short while, after their last night shift, the night before. Just tonight I asked for some medicine from the offshore medic. I'm surviving, my flu is not that bad, tolerable in that sense. The weather started to pick up, the gales are strong... You could hardly stand up. The swells are huge, and it's shaking the platform a little bit. Hence as I am typing, my bed is shaking a bit. It's normal at this weather. The platform legs are being hit by the waves and since my room is the highest point on this platform, the shaking are much more profound. It's normal. Nothing to be afraid of, but I'm not sure, I've slept on other beds on this same room but the shaking isn't much felt, only mine. Weird huh? Today I received a message from a fellow friend...

I have been meaning to write a post, even before Eid or AidilFitri arrives but I've been busy, and if not too tired and if not, I wasn't in the mood to write. The paragraph above was written about two days ago, but I ran out of things to say, despite that a lot of things have been happening in my life. So anyway, updates, bear with my dear diary moments, alright? The day of the moon sighting, we were just getting started with my brother's flat. We worked since the day before, painting upon 2 layers of paint to cover the pen and pencil marks on the wall made by his children. My brother and his family have been living on a deteriorating plastic floor covering for more than a year, my brother have been meaning to change them, since he's busy most of the time and it is a job not for one person, he waited until there is a better reason to change it. So Eid is approaching he thought it will be the best time to change the floor covers. I have been telling him to change ...

This time, I'm not going to talk about relationships but more of family ties. Last night was the first night I slept at my parents after almost 5 years due to a family feud. It was not so much about the feud, but more of none speaking terms with them. Why, lets not delve into that. I slept there, not because I wanted to, but I was uber-tired. There were a lot of things I got done by myself, kudos to me, of course, but I notice one thing about my parent's house. It's full of neglect. There are two men living there, sometimes three (if you count my sister's boyfriend one after another!), but only one really care of doing DIY jobs at my parents house, so I guess after so long, I guess he was also tired of doing the same thing year after year. He is my brother-in-law. But not long as ramadan came, he was called to work offshore, and only yesterday he came back due to a family emergency. The emergency was that his father had a stroke and just when was about to board...

No, not with a new one, but still with my OH . I don't know if anyone could break up with one person twice while still on a break up. But apparently I did and have. After my recent break up with my OH , it was a mutual understanding that the both of us to remain as friends. Which is fair enough. But yesterday, I got a nasty message from my OH that, I am really really breaking up with my OH after reading my previous post of a pseudo date that I had. I was very confused. Is there such thing as breaking up and a really really breaking up? My best friend and confidante told me that I have broken the etiquette of the breaking up process by dating immediately while the wound is still fresh. Well, my first thought was, is there an etiquette of post break up? Do I have to sit around and wait for, well, absolutely nothing post break up? It wasn't even a real date, so I thought, what was the fuss all about?! My best friend even told me another thing, which made real sense to m...

For the last three days, things have been really tiring. My brother and I have been at my parent's house throughout the weekend to help preparing the house for Eid celebration which is coming in less than a week. My brother-in-law is usually the man who does all these preperations for Eid every year, but this year he had to be offshore to work, and have left us all with the DIY works. My parent's house is aging, and is nearly showing it's age and having 4 nieces and nephews didn't help the aging at all... We had to repaint the living room again, I had my fair share about 4-5 years ago, I used to be the Eid preparatory commander before I had my feud with my family. After three days, the DIY project is hardly half way through, there are a lot more things to be done. So many things to be done. I must admit my parent's home does show a lot of neglect for the past 7-8 years. A lot needs to be done. I know I've said that before, but seriously, a lot! Fasting d...

This was written yesterday, but it seems that I could never finish it... I'm having a hard time... but anyway, here's my update so far... For the past four days, we have been on silence treatment. And the silence were deafening for me. For a couple of days the petty arguement turned huge. Many harsh words were said by the both of us. And today. We finally call it quits today. I'm feeling down about it. It was actually a risky test, I broke it off and asked if it was agreed. I thought, my OH would fight for us, and make things right. But no. It didn't go as what I had thought in my head. So here I am. Single again. Loving it? Not really. I'm pretty bummed about it. Seriously. I'm very sad. Although it came from a petty argument, as one of my friends said to me that it's not about the issue itself, but more about the personality and if it is compatible to our personality, and seeing everything as a whole, as a relationship. Of course, we'r...

I'm half angry and half sulking with my OH . Sometimes my OH have this ability to make me feel needy and clingy. Sometimes I feel that I'm always the one giving and giving, thus making me feel just like that. It is as if, I'm holding all my cards out for everyone to see for the sake of love. And I'm only making a great fool of myself. Where does that fine line starts or stop? Where would you draw the line from doing something for someone your love and doing anything and everything for someone you love? As days go by, sometimes I feel I'm doing the latter. I'm only writing my frustration here, not to belittle my beloved OH , I just need to release this anger that I am having at the moment. So what was this all about? Without elaborating too much on the matter, I asked to be together for one night and do what I wanted to do and then, I got a quick turn down. Purely because my OH don't feel like it. I've done my part of reluctance for the sake o...

I'm offshore. I have been here since yesterday (Wednesday) but my presence offshore that day was more or less invisible. That's because the journey to offshore took me about eight tiring hours. Tiring in this sense was the wait. And the wait was unbearable... Here's the dear diary moment... I woke up at about 3a.m for Sahur , as soon as it passed imsak at about 5a.m, got ready and by 6.10a.m I was already at the National stadium, the rendezvous point for my pick up to Anduki Airport, by 8a.m I had arrived, I expected my flight to depart at 9a.m or 10a.m. But the weather started to pick up. It was raining pretty hard and heavy. A delay was announced but they didn't say when, they only said "until it was safe to take off" . I waited from 8a.m and waited, and waited, and after more than 6 hours later they announced it... It was time to proceed to the bus for boarding on the chopper. My neck, my body was aching and my head was spinning, because the A...