Tolerances and Compromises

I'm half angry and half sulking with my OH.

Sometimes my OH have this ability to make me feel needy and clingy. Sometimes I feel that I'm always the one giving and giving, thus making me feel just like that. It is as if, I'm holding all my cards out for everyone to see for the sake of love. And I'm only making a great fool of myself. Where does that fine line starts or stop?

Where would you draw the line from doing something for someone your love and doing anything and everything for someone you love? As days go by, sometimes I feel I'm doing the latter. I'm only writing my frustration here, not to belittle my beloved OH, I just need to release this anger that I am having at the moment. So what was this all about? Without elaborating too much on the matter, I asked to be together for one night and do what I wanted to do and then, I got a quick turn down. Purely because my OH don't feel like it. I've done my part of reluctance for the sake of love, but sometimes I feel there's no compromise between us. The reason why my OH didn't want to do it, was just because it will be boring (without even trying to). And that makes me mad! Didn't it occur that I just wanted to do the things I love with someone I love, regardless what that someone I love thinks? Okay, perhaps that's too strong, let's rewrite that sentence, what about doing the things I just wanted to do with someone I love?

I know from this post, it may sound like I am over-reacting, maybe. But there are quite a number of times I got shot down with a no, just because my OH "didn't feel like it" or "just not interested in" or "feels embarrassed". What happen to sharing our lives together?

Without sounding judgmental (although it always does), one thing about my OH that I have a problem with, is the limitation that my OH builds around. "No, I'm not used to it", "No, it's too embarrassing", "No, it's too far", "No, it's too boring", "No it sounds boring", "No, No, No!". In all honesty, I am sick and tired of this unnecessary barrier my OH builds around. I sometimes feel and think it's like living in fear. An obsessive disorder of not wanting to know the unknown. I just wanted to share my life with someone I love dearly and it feels so hard to do when anything I ask got shot down quickly. And it makes me feel needy and wanting attention, which I'm clearly not. I know I should not force things down anybody's neck if they are not comfortable with it, but it's give and take, right? That's how relationships work, right? If I am wrong on everything, at least with this one, I know I am right.

When I get to know someone new, and wanting to know them better, I usually ask them this question, "There's two type of people who don't know things in this world, the first are the type of people who don't know things, but wouldn't mind knowing even if it didn't benefit them what-so-ever, and the second type of this kind of people, is that they don't know, and they continue not knowing, they don't want to know and prefer to live in ignorance, so which one are you?" I asked my other half this question, to no available answer.

I know relationships need work and time to sort things through, and I think we'll get through this one just fine, it's just a small pebble on the road for me, I'm only letting out my frustration to you guys out there, if anyone had been in my shoes before... And perhaps could share me a thought or two about this. I'm trying hard to understand my OH, but sometimes, just sometimes I feel like I'm on my own on this one...

Change is obviously not an overnight process, nor if it's easy. Change have to come from within and not forced upon. Change can be a difficult process when pressure is put upon. I'm not writing this post to change anyone with my thoughts, but sometimes change can be a clear cut process when they know that it's all in the best interest and for the better. Like that old saying "you can bring the water to the horse, but eventually, the horse had to drink it". But sometimes I do wonder, what if the horse never did want to drink? What would I do next?

Until then...