Brings Old Memories

I'm offshore. I have been here since yesterday (Wednesday) but my presence offshore that day was more or less invisible. That's because the journey to offshore took me about eight tiring hours. Tiring in this sense was the wait. And the wait was unbearable...

Here's the dear diary moment... I woke up at about 3a.m for Sahur, as soon as it passed imsak at about 5a.m, got ready and by 6.10a.m I was already at the National stadium, the rendezvous point for my pick up to Anduki Airport, by 8a.m I had arrived, I expected my flight to depart at 9a.m or 10a.m. But the weather started to pick up. It was raining pretty hard and heavy. A delay was announced but they didn't say when, they only said "until it was safe to take off". I waited from 8a.m and waited, and waited, and after more than 6 hours later they announced it... It was time to proceed to the bus for boarding on the chopper. My neck, my body was aching and my head was spinning, because the Airport had no place to rest, there were no bench to lie down, no seat with head rest, it was hard. We took off at exactly 2.45 and by 3.10 I reached Cp07 (Champion 07). Checked in and went straight to bed because my migraine had taken over and I couldn't even stand up straight. I missed the YTT (Yesterday-Today-Tomorrow) meeting at 4.30p.m. I was woken up by my friend and construction supervisor, Zaki as it was close to break of fast.

So that was my horrific journey. It was the worst journey to offshore I have ever had, some of the guys were used to it, but not me, I was fidgeting all the time trying to find a nice comfortable position to sit on a very hard and awkward seat. I just wanted to lay my head down because I've been up since 3a.m. So anyway, there is also a high likelihood of going offshore again just before Eid until the first few days of Eid as relief for my colleague. The basic reason is, I haven't got a family of my own, both of my colleagues are married and are family men. So for a bachelor like me, I usually get 'penalized' by default. But that's life, I'm not used to that but I've grown tired of trying to fight a loosing battle.

Being offshore again does bring old memories. Last year, I had a great time having Ramadan with Aiedee offshore, and the fasting month went by so fast and I can still remember as it was only yesterday. A lot of things had changed. Now I have Zaki as my CSV (Construction Supervisor) when last year he was only an assistant CSV. The old crew had gone, and now we have a new crew and the biggest difference of all, is that I'm now not really used to being offshore. I am basically dragging my own feet here. I still remember Aiedee, Khidir and myself always break fast at the same table for almost a month until Aiedee left us to return home. It was a good time. It was a great time. I miss all those moments.

I miss my OH at the moment. Every waking seconds that I spend, I miss my OH. This is the thing, I guess, and I'm not sure about this just yet, I feel afraid of losing my OH. Being offshore had scarred me, and my exes had cheated on twice while I was offshore. It is not that I don't trust my OH, it's just that, trust takes time, it is something to be earned, not as a given. My OH had repeatedly tried to convince me that there is nothing to worry about. My OH also gave me a solemn promise to be faithful. But I'm afraid to trust this time. Sometimes, with trust, hope and expectations arises, and when the time comes when you are let down, you feel so deeply hurt but I'm sure I will rise up again, but in all seriousness, I don't know if I could ever love again. Perhaps I would, but I don't think I could find anyone as great as YKW or my current OH. My feeling for my OH is clear. I love my OH so much. There's no one I would want to be with but my OH. My OH makes me happy. Seriously happy. The last time I feel this happy was when I was with YKW. I love my OH so much. Yes, I know, I said the 'L' word. Love, we're in love, we're neck deep in love. We had our fights and arguments yet we always make up and solve the problems together. We had our ups and downs but still my OH sticks by me all this while. I truly appreciate that. I know there's so many things I wanted to change (for the better) about myself, and given time, I would. And I know I could.

So yeah, here I am missing my OH terribly. I am counting the hours for my return home, I just can't wait to give my OH big hug. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you one thing, I've been doing a lot of land searching and I found one with a good offer, it's where I wanted and at a very low price, the thing is, I don't know if I should commit to that yet... but I'm hopeful. My youngest sister and her husband have been searching for a place too. They have been meaning to build their house as well. And for the past few days before I was offshore, we have been discussing about land, land properties, etc. It's great. And last Monday, we broke fast at this famous place, it's a place we often go to, in fact I celebrated my belated birthday there. And guess what? All three of us, got food poisoning and suffered diarrhea for two days, my diarrhea settled down yesterday. Luckily it was a mild one.

The agenda for the next few weeks will be a lot of DIYs. My brother-in-law have booked me for a few days to repaint the living room back at my parents, and my brother whom I am living with also booked me for re-painting and renovating his home as well. It seems that this Eid will be busy and my family is in the mood for celebrating, I just wish that my next trip offshore won't happened as anticipated.. The agenda when I get back, I will be driving my mum to Limbang again, that's three times in three straight weeks... So what else hmm...

So guess, that's it for now, until then...