Difficult Weekend

I know I shouldn't be complaining much. Because I'm going home this Monday. But this weekend has been a difficult one. I woke up pretty early today, but I decided to stay in my bunk bed for a little while, showered and went to office, feeling bored, I went back to my room and decided to have a small weekend for myself.

At about 1130 hrs, my construction supervisor, Zaki, went into the room. I asked if he'd done his job, but he said, "it's close to lunch time and the guys are doing their housekeeping before going to have their lunch". In short, they're done for the morning. Not long after that, an alarm went off, it was not a drill, it was a general alarm as it was announced on the PA system. I got off my bed and thought "oh no, something gone wrong on our worksite". Why did I think about that? That's because we were the only team working on this platform complex.

I went down the stairs and there were some people looking down at the cellar level through the gratings. But we proceed to muster as required. One operator said to one of our guys, "Are you trying to burn this platform down? Can't you at least wait until we were gone?" My first thought was, "Shit, something burned! And damn, some heads will roll, I'm in deep trouble!"

When it was time to stand down, I went to where the fire took place. Not long after that, interviews were conducted and the conclusion was.... inconclusive. No one knows how the fire got ignited. It was a mystery. The site where the fire started was far away from the worksite. Everyone is still puzzled how this fire happened. No, before your imagination went far, it was a very small fire, only a few scaffolding boards got charred, and it was very small, which could have been big, thanks to another team who saw smoke coming from the boards.

There are a few theories going on at the moment, electric arching from the welding machine was suspected. A connector nearby to where the fire was immediately made as a suspect. However, there were no signs of electric arching marks on the connector. Everyone is still puzzled until now. More investigations will be made. So what makes this a difficult weekend? This happened under my watch. So I have a lot of things running in my mind. My construction supervisor also feels the same. It happened under his watch as well. The company doesn't have a blame culture here, but politically yes it exist.

I'm so unhappy right now. On my personal life, I've been facebooking all evening, and it seems that most of my friends are enjoying their weekend, having a great time at open houses, and here I am on this steel stilted island, bored of my mind and full of worries. I know I shouldn't worry much as this incident happens out of the ordinary. It's just so weird how the fire happened. And somehow, I feel so lonely at the same time. I think I'm adjusting to my current single life. I just hope I can stand to be on my own.

I wanted to talk about something a friend and I had discussed recently. Friendship. My friend was bitching about his friend who acted, well, how shall I describe this, it was assumed that his friend is back stabbing him. I wish I could elaborate further, but I am afraid I might say something that could make out that I am talking about them. I suspect both friends read my blog as well.

As I have said in my previous blog, I hate to use the word best friend. But what defines as best friends? And this is my definition. A best friend stays with you through your best and worst time of your life, your best friend should be able to cry when you cry, laugh when you laugh and is always there when you need a shoulder to cry on. A best friend should be able to tell the truth straight to your face and make fun of all of your mistakes. A best friend should understand when you are not their priority anymore. A best friend should respect whatever decision you make even though they know you're making a huge mistake and offer their shoulder when you break down. A best friend should know when to ignore you. A best friend should be happy for you even though deep down he or she is not. A best friend should be able to lie to you when the time requires them to do so. A best friend puts his friends above his or her feelings. A best friend doesn't need to apologise for any wrong doings. A best friend should not judge you for what you have done or what you have said. So that is more or less at this point in time that I know, what defines a best friend. That is what a best friend is. The question I should be asking is, are you a best friend for your best friend?

My relationship with my best friend, Billy can be described as a weird one. We don't meet every day, or every week, we meet when the time comes to meet. And when we meet, we don't plan, we simply drop everything that we are doing and go straight to them. We text or talk on the phone every once in a while. Billy and I have our differences, but yet we don't judge or have an opinion, because we respect each other. As for me, I just want my best friend to be happy, even it means I have to take sacrifices. Because with all my heart, I want, no, I need to see my best friend happy. We don't apologise to each other, except when mistakes are immediately realised. We had our fights before, and when we miss each other's company we simply text or call each other up. I guess, in a way, by keeping in touch, that was an apology by itself. What I have with my best friend is in some way can be called weird. He respects what I do or had done, and between the two of us, there are no secrets and they are no information too much to handle. All we care is that each of us wants to see each other happy.

The weird thing was that we knew each other when we were in college studying for our 'A' levels. And we were strangers to each other at that time. Billy was a senior, and when I was at the end of my university year, we got in touch with each other and then, just like that, we simply clicked and got to know each other better. We know each other for more than a decade now and I'd like to think our friendship flourish every single day, even when we were out of touch. I love my best friend Billy because he doesn't judge me and I can be myself completely without any hesitation and say what ever I like to anyone and anything without causing any awkwardness. And I'd do the same for him. To me, he's perfect in his own way. He's always my cause of envy, and I wish I am more like him.

So that's what best friends are. The thing that happened between this particular friend and his best friend is somewhat disrespectful. If I am to be in his shoes, I would have avoided the best friend completely. In my books of definition, he'd definitely lose the title as best friend. Somehow at this age, having differences and problems with a best friend is the most trivial thing you could ever get involved with. But I wish both friends the least remained as good friends. I know this much, they need each other. But trying to put your feelings ahead of anyone is very difficult to do. At the end of the day, respect and honesty is a must between the two of them, and any differences should not get penalised or judged. Once honesty is given, one must accept it whole heartedly, and your feelings should not be scarred.

On a personal note, I owe my life to my best friend. If he didn't exist, I wouldn't have been here typing away on this keyboard. I would have been long gone six deep under. He was there on the darkest point of my life. Even though he wasn't there physically. So enough about best friends, it's making me all teary.

On a positive note, I can't wait to go home. Somehow I miss my family, and secretly I miss screaming to my nieces and nephews. I wanted so much to have an open house at my parents, invite my friends and relatives. Maybe I will do that on the last weekend of Eid. I hope my boss won't take that away from me. Actually there is a good outcome of me for being offshore for this period (this is me trying to see the bright side of things). One of it, is that being here offshore, I don't spend a dime at all, and we all know that at this celebratory season, money seems a little tight than the usual, as extra expenditure is required for open houses and fixing up homes. And I'd like to think at this time, I'm still well off. Secondly, I don't go open houses, thus not stuffing my face, believe it or not, I've lost almost two kilograms since I came here. I am on a controlled diet, I believe I could have lost more than that. It was just that recently, I forgot to mention that we had a water crisis recently, and was afraid that there was no water left to shower with when I finish working out at the gym. I haven't been working out at all. Consider myself very unfit at this time. But we are over the water crisis now, but still the connection that I have with the gym is listening to the thumping sound coming out of the gym every night when I cross from the office .

I'm sick and tired of being fat. I want to get back into shape in time for new year. I know I have been saying that I wanted to get fit again for quite a while. I'm just procrastinating. But I know I can do it. I've done it before (losing 30 kilograms) and I know I can do it again. Besides, if I am looking for a wife, certainly I'd have to look good, before I can grow a gut again. Hopefully that won't happen again. Rambling, rambling rambling, that's what I have been doing. So it's time to get some rest... Until then....