My Death Anniversary

Actually, I've written something before this blog, but I am not ready to publish it yet. It is of sensitive nature to certain readers i.e. CA. So I will digress about something else.

Death Anniversary. Today marks the my death anniversary, the day I've decided to take my own life after our final fight with YKW. The time when my sharp scissors couldn't cut the thinnest part of my wrist. No, I'm not proud of it. I'm not seeking sympathy. But as a learning point for me and also other readers who thinks there is no life after true love.

It still hurts me to think about that particular night. Things we said to each other were both hurtful and painful. I still remember crying in the rain, like a pathetic 'Sembilu' movie. Indeed, there is life after love. It may not be the same life, but a life nevertheless and I am the living proof of that. Perhaps it takes time for us all to move on. No one wants to be stuck in the same ugly place. But change, in the end is inevitable. A year has passed. It's not a year that I would like to remember. But I guess, living is a learning process. Moving on is also a learning process.

So tonight I would like to use this time to remember that argument that we had, and remember those wonderful two years we spent together as something to look back and learn from it. But in all honesty, if I look back at what I did, the break up didn't justify me ending my life. I was so stupid. But I guess, when hope seems bleak, and rational mind went overboard. That's what have happened.

But most important of all, I wish to remember all the good times we had. It was great. I had a hell of a time. It was great. And like the saying "all good things must come to an end". So I raise my bottle of now-warm lemon tea, and this is my toast to myself... "To you, Kellaz@Saiful, godspeed on your journey and all the best!!!"

Now I know that my life will always be full of hopes, disappointments and surprises. I know that my life is precious. It's obvious, I know. But let me hear you say that, when all hope is gone and you feel let down. But nevertheless... 'the show must go on!'

This is going to be a short post, because at some point, there's no use of peeling up old scabs. I'm still in the process of healing. But let's celebrate, raise your drink (whatever it is you're drinking) and toast with me.... "TO LIFE AND LIVING IN IT!!"

Until then...