To be loved in return

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The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in returned - Moulin Rouge Movie...

And why is it so hard to be loved in returned?  I look back at my life and I think I deserved that much.  But why?  Why is it so hard to love me?

Maybe I'm complicated, although I love to think that I am a simple guy, but indeed I am a simple guy.  But why is my life so complicated that loving me seemed to be an arduous task to do?  Blast from the past seemed to be the main theme of my life at the moment.  Past lovers came back to me and came in contact with me in one night.  This very night.  And it is so painful when I come to think of it.  It hurts me so bad that I think that I don't deserved to be loved.  I feel that I am broken.  Broken.  Beyond repair.  Beyond recognition.

I like to think that I am a nice guy.  I am a nice guy.  People have told me so.  But why do people leave me in the end?  It is so easy to blame life for it.  And I am going to blame life.  And how unfair it can be to me.  And I hate it.  Ending my life seems to be the best resort although, not the best decision.  The dark truth is, yes, I will admit it now.  I hate my life.  As wonderful my life is, I hate it.  I hate being lonely.  Everyday, I go through my day, missing YKW.  It's silly but I kept on being rational and realistic about it.  That I've had my chance and I fucking blew it.  Sorry for the language.  Excuse me for saying so.

I don't see colours in my life anymore.  It's dark and monotone.  It's a very depressing place.  I just want to love and be loved in returned.  Is that too much to ask?

Until freaking then....

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