Insomnia?

It is about to show 5a.m. and I can't sleep.

I have been going online to play games on Facebook, watched T.V. and back again managing my restaurant on Facebook again. It's silly, but it does give me some sort of idea of how to run a restaurant. Well, almost.

I watch two documentaries and one drama T.V. series. One about Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey and another about demolishing buildings by dynamite called Detonators. As you can see, I'm dead bored. But what interests me was when watching one of my favourite drama series, which is Brothers and Sisters. The story revolves around a mother who is a widower with her five children, three boys and two girls. Her brother happens to be going out with his late husband's mistress. This somewhat dysfunctional family is more or less like mine, great but a little out of the normality. And I guess, every family have their own dysfunction(s) or better described as quirkiness. Every family is different in their own ways. Even a perfect family have their own disorders.

My family can be best described as the 'trailer trash' family. The one making so much noise, obnoxious, troubled, disorderly and truly dysfunctional. And I say all of that, with love and kindness. And that is the main reason why I love them. With all these traits, it gives my family a character of some sort. Yeah, some might look at it as a negative traits but then again, I could ask myself, would I want a perfect family? All good inside out, so perfect like the Joneses? Hmm, I'm not sure... Even so, there will always be the black sheep in the family.

The black sheep of my family has got to be my younger sister. It used to be my eldest brother, but I guess, age, life and experiences had nurtured and matured him. Why would I say my sister is the black sheep of the family, purely because of her stubbornness. She's a rebel in the family, from start of puberty through her failed marriage. I had given up on her a long time ago, and the whole family gave up not long after. Her marriage left her a daughter, who I see now is the victim of her actions. Now, before, everyone raise an eyebrow about why I am talking about my sister like this, please don't get me wrong and mistaken, I love her, and I write about this, not in hate or anger, in fact perhaps she'll read this and maybe realise her mistake, perhaps my readers would relate with this, but I'm all hopeful with positive outcome would come about from these post. And even though I've given up on her long ago and for good, I still do dearly love her. She's got a lot running for her, she's got a bright future ahead of her, the only thing is she just living in the present and not giving any damn about what her actions could lead to. I still love her. But there are things that you just could not take control of.

And as for me, I am definitely the Joker of the family. Well, I think since I kept my distance away from my family, I guess, I've lost that seat. Maybe at the moment, my youngest sister took that throne. Each of my siblings are unique in their own way, and each of them run their lives in their own way. And that's the way things are meant to be. And as for me, I see myself now, with regards to my family, as also the black sheep, but more onto the grey area, I suppose. I'm different from the rest of them, is that good or is that bad? Neither. I'm just different.

Life have brought and taught me so many different things, that, to me family isn't much of a priority. Yeah, sure, I lack family values in that sense, but each to their own. I guess, if you were brought up the way I am, perhaps, you'd understand. But I guess, no one does...

But to me, my family and I are much better now that it has ever been. Being distant helps my sanity. And to me, the greatest learnings of all with regards to my family, is to not care. To care for someone is easy but to not care... when you do, is very difficult. Heartbreaking difficult... But certain things have to be endured.

See, what insomnia can do to you... Meaningless ranting. That's what... So anyway, yeah... live really does go on, don't you think? Until then...