Nothing Much Going On

If I had nothing to say or things to write, I wouldn't write my blog. But being offshore for the seventh day, I'm bored out of my mind. So anyway, I am writing because I've always treated my blog as some sort of therapy or a place to pour my heart out, in hopes that some soul have some pity for me and give me an advice or two on how to run my ever crumbling life. Of which advice may or may not be accepted, although I would always take and use for consideration. That's more or less what this blog is all about.

I've got plenty of friends although I think that my friends list starts to recede dramatically ever since I've moved to Bandar (city). It recedes even more after my break up with YKW, because most of my friends in Bandar are YKW's friends as well. It wasn't that I want to 'de-friended' them, but I think it would be inappropriate as they are more of YKW's friends than they are to me. I guess, there's an unspoken rule when it comes to 'loan' friends. 'Loan' friends is what I use to define as a friend of a friend. Knowing a new friend via another friend. But the least I still have my good friendship with my best friend, Billy. I hate to use the word best friend, because it sound, so primary school. I don't know why, but using the term best friend sounds so kiddy. But then again, how would you describe a friend that you are in best terms with eh?

I used to work, live and play in Kuala Belait (more than an hour away from the capital/city) and most of my friends reside there. I moved because of love, and if there are any other reasons, I was supposed to be building my house this year. In fact probably living in it already. But that didn't happen. As the saying goes "the best laid plan of man and mice, often go astray". If I am not mistaken, I did write about it in a post a few months ago. But slowly, I've managed to rebuild that plan again. I'm back to square one, well, actually back to ground zero, starting everything from scratch. The banking application tango and what-not, then the rhumba with the architect and all. After that the cha-cha with the contractors. It's a whole ball room dance, believe me, it will.

But what matters is the end product. Is that one day, hopefully soon, I will be living in my own house and I could do whatever I like in my own abode of peace. It has been hard this year, and bless my brother for making things easier for me, yet I do complain sometimes, but hey who doesn't? If you had read through my shoutbox mix on the right column of this blog, Maria (an avid reader) asked if my 'room' is still messy, with respect to my last post i.e. my life. Well, I'm rebuilding it just as like of this housing plan of mine. I'm planning to revamp my life, re-do everything, inside out. Renovate, innovate my life.

My life is still messy. Although it is an organised piles of mess, it's just trying to put thing back into order. Some dirty laundry to wash. Some books to put back on the shelves. Some priorities to be made. Just as my other best friend hailing away from Sakhalin, Russia. Life can be solved mathematically, theoretically that is. I just can't wait to get out of this steel stilt island and set my priorities right. I have many plans running in my head, list of things to do or buy and ensuring all errands are ran right. I also will be settling things with CA. Oh on that matter, I've more or less made up my mind. I will write that in due time, considering that CA also read this blog.

I've also made a huge decision in my life recently. I am looking for a wife. It is time to think about the long run. The long haul. Which direction I am going to. I know this sounds shocking (for those who know me well, lol). But in all seriousness, I think the life that I have led all this while, I've been looking for short term solutions in hopes they will succeed in making long runs. Which in some way have shown me that the plan for that have failed. I guess, I should focus on the long run, and work on the short term. Not get focused on the other way round. Which one is head or tail doesn't matter at this point in time. Like my house, what matters is the end product. Looking for a wife, sounds easy... But easier said than done, like most things are. I am trying to lead a new life, like I've said, revamping, renovating my life. I guess, after 31 years have pass, I think it's time to put everything to a close, take a bow and move on to better and stable things in life.

Looking for a wife means, I would have to delve into another relationship. But the difference this time, is focusing on the end result. My brother once told me, that getting married can be like a gambling game. It may or may not work, but he adviced me to just work on it while things can be worked out. It may still not work in the end, then things just have to end. Trust and Faith. That's all we need to have. We trust and if we have no faith, everything will just break down consequently, heartache. Have faith but no trust, also fall to the same result. I've never thought of getting married to be honest, I've tried to avoid that path altogether. But I guess, at some point in life, I ran out of detours and is bound for a head on collision with the matter. I guess, it's what most people call it, 'The Calling".

It is weird that I am open to talk about this, because I've always dreaded marriage, my parents', my brothers' and sisters' marriages have not been a good role model for me. Fighting bickering, swearing to each other is common to us. And sometimes, just looking at them make me cringe in fear. I guess, I shouldn't compare myself with them, in fact perhaps, learn from them. But I know for sure, all marriages have their bumps in the road once in a while. Ever since I was in my early twenties, I've always thought of myself as care free or free living guy. The kind of guy who falls in love all the time, but never ending up married. Or better still, describe as the non-marrying type guy. A guy who doesn't believe that marriage is the answer to everything. Perhaps it is, or perhaps it isn't. But I guess, if one have no experience of it, one does not entitle them of an opinion.

Talk about ranting.... I've been writing non-stop over the past hour. So anyway, before I shoot myself in the foot, I better stop now. Otherwise, I'll be rambling unnecessarily.

So, until then...