A Full Living Life?
Live life to the fullest! I know some of you would say "Hell yeah!" to that...
But do we? Something I told my best friend today. "To be honest, I am at the bottom of the wheel. I am way depressed than you can see me right now. But laughing and smiling and pushing my thoughts and depression to the back of my mind helps. It won't solve it, but it helps." And to add to the misery, I met and talked to YKW today, who is about to go on a date... Ouch! But let bygones be bygones eh? I should be over it, but still ouch. Anyway it seems... people seemed cheerier on my dark moments. Karma. What a bitch!
But then again, I watched an HBO series tonight, called Hung. A man who was athletic, a pro-basketball player, famous and popular at one point, but he succumb to his injuries at his middle age. Unfortunately he's got no talent whatsoever besides his ability to play basketball. And somehow he turned to the only thing he think he is good at. Sex. So he decided to become a male escort. A gigolo. But what does Karma had to do with it? Before we go to that, today, Billy and I, had dinner. We talked about Karma, what good have we done before. And what good that we had received and vice-versa. Billy thinks he's done quite many good deeds thus, he is receiving good things in his life at the moment. Of course, he had his bad days, but he's feeling a little lighter these days. I for one, can stand a testament to that. Indeed, he's done quite many good things, although some of them he wouldn't take credit for. When in fact he's done many virtues that didn't take credit. Billy is a great guy and shall remain as that.
As for me, well, since I've told you I'm in a downer at the moment. So that means, I've done many bad things, and well, I'm paying for it. Yeah. I agree. It is true. I won't dwell into details, as I am aware of them and honestly, I'm saving face. So let's not talk about my iniquities. But Ha! Karma, as bitchy as she is... She's also teaching me something. To rise above it. Karma is not only as good as you believe it and dwell into it. But in fact, if we look beyond what's in front of us. Karma is there so that we can rise above the occasion. So, going back to the HBO Series, Hung, well, he rise above his deficiencies and took a bold step, although not morally accepted to most prejudiced mindset. But the point is, he rose. And that is in essence called Courage.
Courage and me. Courage and I? Forget it... forget the grammatical errors. So where does that put myself and courage? I actually laughed to myself. Not because I'm cynical about it, but the truth is I don't know. Honestly, if I had to describe to you what my living spirit looks like, well, imagine this. A dead carcass on the highway, run over cars, over and over again. Mangled beyond any recognition, that it looks like a dirty rag that has fallen off a vehicle. The stench and the flies flying above the carcass was the only give away that it is a dead animal. But I try to cheer myself up. I have to. I've done sulking, sleeping and locking myself in my room. But that only puts me on a miserable status quo. So in order to break the stalemate. I pretend. And like I said before, it helps. So I don't know if you could sum that out as courage. Essentially, I'm not rising above the occasion. Maybe summoning up the courage.
So live life to the fullest? To a full living life? Hell yeah. Of course. But are we living it?
Until then...
p/s: Something traumatic happened to me yesterday and I wish I could write about it. But, the thing that had happened was especially sensitive to talk about. It wasn't about me, though. I was there for someone who made a terrible, terrible, awful mistake. And has to pay for it. I'm not sure how it will end. But at least, for now, we have passed the eye of the storm. The cleaning up begins. I'm only writing this to remind me of this particular incident that had traumatised me. Maybe when it becomes less sensitive, I'll write about it in the future.
But do we? Something I told my best friend today. "To be honest, I am at the bottom of the wheel. I am way depressed than you can see me right now. But laughing and smiling and pushing my thoughts and depression to the back of my mind helps. It won't solve it, but it helps." And to add to the misery, I met and talked to YKW today, who is about to go on a date... Ouch! But let bygones be bygones eh? I should be over it, but still ouch. Anyway it seems... people seemed cheerier on my dark moments. Karma. What a bitch!
But then again, I watched an HBO series tonight, called Hung. A man who was athletic, a pro-basketball player, famous and popular at one point, but he succumb to his injuries at his middle age. Unfortunately he's got no talent whatsoever besides his ability to play basketball. And somehow he turned to the only thing he think he is good at. Sex. So he decided to become a male escort. A gigolo. But what does Karma had to do with it? Before we go to that, today, Billy and I, had dinner. We talked about Karma, what good have we done before. And what good that we had received and vice-versa. Billy thinks he's done quite many good deeds thus, he is receiving good things in his life at the moment. Of course, he had his bad days, but he's feeling a little lighter these days. I for one, can stand a testament to that. Indeed, he's done quite many good things, although some of them he wouldn't take credit for. When in fact he's done many virtues that didn't take credit. Billy is a great guy and shall remain as that.
As for me, well, since I've told you I'm in a downer at the moment. So that means, I've done many bad things, and well, I'm paying for it. Yeah. I agree. It is true. I won't dwell into details, as I am aware of them and honestly, I'm saving face. So let's not talk about my iniquities. But Ha! Karma, as bitchy as she is... She's also teaching me something. To rise above it. Karma is not only as good as you believe it and dwell into it. But in fact, if we look beyond what's in front of us. Karma is there so that we can rise above the occasion. So, going back to the HBO Series, Hung, well, he rise above his deficiencies and took a bold step, although not morally accepted to most prejudiced mindset. But the point is, he rose. And that is in essence called Courage.
Courage and me. Courage and I? Forget it... forget the grammatical errors. So where does that put myself and courage? I actually laughed to myself. Not because I'm cynical about it, but the truth is I don't know. Honestly, if I had to describe to you what my living spirit looks like, well, imagine this. A dead carcass on the highway, run over cars, over and over again. Mangled beyond any recognition, that it looks like a dirty rag that has fallen off a vehicle. The stench and the flies flying above the carcass was the only give away that it is a dead animal. But I try to cheer myself up. I have to. I've done sulking, sleeping and locking myself in my room. But that only puts me on a miserable status quo. So in order to break the stalemate. I pretend. And like I said before, it helps. So I don't know if you could sum that out as courage. Essentially, I'm not rising above the occasion. Maybe summoning up the courage.
So live life to the fullest? To a full living life? Hell yeah. Of course. But are we living it?
Until then...
p/s: Something traumatic happened to me yesterday and I wish I could write about it. But, the thing that had happened was especially sensitive to talk about. It wasn't about me, though. I was there for someone who made a terrible, terrible, awful mistake. And has to pay for it. I'm not sure how it will end. But at least, for now, we have passed the eye of the storm. The cleaning up begins. I'm only writing this to remind me of this particular incident that had traumatised me. Maybe when it becomes less sensitive, I'll write about it in the future.
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