Nothing much

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The reason why I have been shying away from blogging is just because there isn't much to say.  

But a lot of things had happened, but more towards making my dream house a step closer.  And it's getting there.  This week, I got my approval letter, and fulfilling all of the requirements before approval.  Upon approval, the bank will nominate a lawyer.  All of that will be done sometime this week.  Everything is going smooth.

But this smooth running operation came at a very high cost. In just two days, I've spent about $4,000.  Crazy, I know.  Just to letting you guys know out there, to build a home have their preliminary cost, and this sum should come up in terms of your own budget.  Ideally, you should have in hand about $10,000 just to get you loan and construction to set up.  So I'm deliriously broke at the moment.

Even as I am typing this post, my mind is still running, I don't even know how to find funds to pay my lawyers, when everything is settled.  I think, it is time for me to keep my expenses at an all time low starting this November.  A lot of changes to my lifestyle must be made.  But anyhow, I guess, this is one of those things that we all have to go through at some point in our life.  A rights of passage so to speak.

What else is new?  Oh my life, I'm living my pseudo single life.  I have not broken up with my other half yet, but to me, it's over.  I won't succumb (not because of arrogance) to my other half's low to justify any ending of this relationship.  I guess, for my other half, the relationship have ended before it even had begun.  I've read and re-read the text messages.  One message which I had written before in my previous post which is exactly : "For me, to love, I need to adapt.  Because I need to feel secure.  I don't feel secure."  Every time I read that text message, it bites me way deep down there.  All that have been running in my mind was, why?  If you don't feel secure in the first place, why did you agree to have a relationship with me?  I've never ever in my life have force anybody to be with me or be in a relationship with me.  I want a relationship that comes from the pureness of the heart, not out of pity or anything else.

It's weird.  It's weird that I didn't give a second chance to CA.  And I got someone really different and yet tried to adapt and given so much to be together.  I'm not sure how I am running my life at the moment.  But the least, working on my dream house keeps me busy and in perspective at all time.  But indeed, I'm moving on to better things, things that is worth of my time.

So since there's nothing much to say, I guess this post have to be a short one...

Until then...

Comments

Maria A said…
Yep, concentrate on the concrete
whats for sure and whats there,
I think you should spend less time searching for this relationship. If you again embark on one, just call it anything else but that. Travel the road together, peacefully and when you discovered that you have separate destinations, the farewell will be more meaningful but less hurtful.
13 November 2009 at 04:07
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