Kellaz, A Journal

Tonight will be a long night. I promised my brother to watch the Champions League Finals between his favourite football team, Manchester United against Barcelona. I support Arsenal who only made it to the semi. And it was Man U who kicked Arsenal out of the finals. So if I had any reason to watch tonight's game, it's to see Man U lose. Sorry Man U fans. So I was hoping to take leave off work tomorrow, but before I even had the intentions to fill in the form, my colleague told me that their offshore trip was cancelled and instead they will have a video conference meeting instead. And specifically they wanted to discuss about the project I am handling. And I have to be there at HQ by 9 a.m. Which sucks! ...logged off... It seems that I can't even commit my time to write up my blog... something's always bound to happen. As per previous paragraphs, MU lost, a smile crept of my very very tired face when Barca scored the first goal. I did went out with my brother. I didn...

What is so precious? Life. Indeed. And to think of that I once nearly took my own life, what an idiot eh? As I walked up the stairs to my brother's flat, thought about my life and how much life I've lived. And has it been a long arduous one. Pretty tiring, I must admit, but as the saying goes "Life goes on". I don't know why I've started writing about Life. It just occurred to me all of a sudden thinking I've lived my 31 years and asked myself, what much did I achieve? I don't think I've achieved much though, perhaps I'm the only amongst my siblings who are achieved academically and that's about it really. It got me remembering that this afternoon, I chatted with a frequent (I assume) reader of this blog, she was saying along the line that I've loved and have still lots of love to give and encouraged me to keep on loving. Which is generally a good advice to get and thus I shall try to keep on loving without hurting others in th...

Quick post, using my mobile, to add a little flavour to my blog... And what perfect way to end the night with a ridiculously sinful mud cake with ice cream...

I do apologise for the lack in updates, in actual fact this is the third post that I wrote. The last two post didn't get publish because I was in a situation where I have to wait for things to settle down before I got it publish. I had a big argument with "E" recently. And I thought that was the end. But one thing that happened in my raging anger, "E" managed to calm me down. And honestly it takes a lot to calm me down, my ex-es would second that. "E" just kept calm and explained everything to me. In the end, my anger succumb, swallowed my pride but gave a stern warning to not let it happen again... And to make me do that, takes a lot, believe me, I am a very stubborn man, very stubborn. And I do appreciate the way "E" handles things. But we're alright now. It's good. Better even. So anyway, my latest concerns about things is nothing but my weight. It is increasing exponentially. (... logged off... ) After writing this post yesterda...

I wrote something yesterday, feeling upbeat about my new place that I am going to move into pending my visit to the place. So yesterday after work, I went feeling excited and my brother joined in the visit. He wanted to make sure that the place I am staying would be a decent one. Unfortunately, my brother was not convinced when we went for the visit. He said that the place needs a lot of elbow grease and work done, a little of cash out is required. I agree with him to a certain extent, but I know my brother have good intentions for me and it is very nice to have a sibling who still cares about my welfare even if I am already 31 years of age. I think secretly my brother still wants me around. But nevertheless, I guess, if I am to move, it is just not a great time, because I am financially unsound. I guess, I need to discipline my spending behaviour as I don't get the offshore allowance that I used to get at the beginning of the year. I need to be strict on my expenditure and try to ...

The weekend had been a productive couple of days. I had a superbly busy weekend, looking for land and such. I got to find two pieces of land which I really, really like, and I showed it to my consultant on Sunday. She loved both pieces and she advised me to pick the difficult one, purely to the fact that it will a good investment rather than the other piece of land. I won't disclose anything just yet, because it is not firm yet. Although things are going ahead. At full speed. I'm pretty Psyche about it, really. Pending on tonight's event, which I shall also not disclose much because I have not made any firm decision. I might be having my own place. Good huh? My own place, my own crib, but I will be sharing. Cool huh? But nevertheless, it is all pending tonight's event. But in so many ways, things are going pretty well, I must admit. On my personal life, well, it's even better, I'm in an 'almost' relationship, and things are heading up well. ...

Second post of the day... Very rare, this is... I got off work quite early today, after asking for permission from my boss if I could go. I told him that I am meeting someone to have a look at a land. And it is such a great bargain. I would love to get my hands on it. The guy I'm meeting was late, 45 minutes late. I was about to give up when he texted me telling me his near. So after meeting him and almost arriving and discussing about the location and terms and condition of the land, I met up with my real estate consultant. The answer is, no go. Again. Well, I could but it would take a while. For those who are interested to build their own dream home, seriously, it is freaking hard. Freaking difficult. And freaking frustrating. It is like every step I make, seems to be another step back. I have two more site to survey. And it seems that I have to spend a little bit more. I seriously feel down with the progress I have been making. I have visited lots of sight and I h...

I wanted to tell you two major incidents that had happened to me and I failed to record this in my blog. On Wednesday, last week during my on leave from work, I hung out with my friend at this particular restaurant (if you do wanted to know what restaurant it is, email me, because I'm not going to defame nobody or no one with my blog, but a clue to it, is that, it's en route to Beribi from Kiulap). I used to go there with my ex, and we share a lot of happy memories there. It has been a while since I last went there, in fear that I would meet my ex (fear of the awkwardness that it can cause) , so I went there, fully aware that my ex would be most likely be working or having a siesta after work. So there I was, enjoying the subtle heat of the afternoon, in company of my friend and going online, all at the same time. I was also enjoying my Tea 'C' Special (also known as Three Layer Tea; brown liquid sugar, milk and tea). And when I was about to finish it... sucking the...

Yesterday was quite a busy day for me, four meetings in a day, I only attended three of them, because one was conflicting with another. Fortunately enough, each meeting was a quick one, not more than a hour each but nevertheless, it was a good way forward for the projects I am handling. But needless to say, it was utterly and mind numbingly boring. Something my 'new' love said to me last night made me toss and turn before finally going to sleep on my bed. (I'm going to give this 'new' love of mine a representative letter/acronym: "E"). 'E' said to me, that the commitment, loyalty and faithfulness towards this 'relationship' will be shown and words just could not even describe it. 'E' also told me that if anybody comes in between this relationship, 'E' would fight for it, and heads will roll, "hopefully it won't be your head", 'E' continued. I am starting to feel good about this 'new' relations...

After work yesterday, I was actually planning to meet my friend for a 'roti john' break. But there seem to be an accident somewhere, and queues of cars were ridiculously long. I took me two hours to get home. I was exhausted to the max, the accident and the queues of car wasn't quite just the reason I was tired. I had a really good and long weekend. And I told myself it is time to retire for the day. A quick text to my friend and told him that I couldn't make it. The first thing I did when I arrived in my room was to change into my t-shirt and shorts, lock the door and turn of the lights. I didn't even bother to shower, I was THAT exhausted. I slept at 7pm and woke up at 3am only to realise the time, and I continued sleeping until it was time to wake up. I woke up at 6.01am to the wonderful sound of the Brunei's National Anthem and Surah Al-Fatihah on the radio clock. I woke up with a smile. And believe me, that's a rare occasion! Perhaps this ...

How's that for a post title eh? Again, sounding like a broken CD, I would like to apologise for my lack of commitment to this blog. I have wrote two incomplete post and for now I would like to finish it... Oh I've just learnt something... Remember my ex 'Z' , that have left me when I returned from offshore in early January? 'Z' went back to the ex-boyfriend that was going to get married in March. Well, I just found out that not long after new year when we were still together that 'Z' was seeing someone else! That two three timing bitch! But I feel good knowing that. Because I feel like a better man because of it. And to dump 'Z' was one of the best thing I've ever done. Anyway, that's irrelevant now, the moment had passed and I've moved on to better and new things. I just remembered, that over the past years, I have hurt quite a number of hearts. One heart that I hurt really bad, was when I fell in love after one of my brea...

I do apologise for the lack of commitment on my half to update and stopping in the middle of the post. I wanted to delete that post but something happened to me in that early dawn. It was a good thing, a great thing. But I thought about it, I won't write anything about that night. I'll keep it to myself for now, I will share it with you when the time ever comes. I am living in my new life, and somehow, by some miracle, the events during this few days have be wonderful. But things is just great. Things are fantastic. Oh yeah, Aiedee is back onshore. I took leave on Tuesday uptil this Thursday to accompany him to Labuan, but I decided not to go, because I have a lot of things and errands to run for the next few days. But I did get a little worked up recently, when my boss texted me if I have not been coming to office since last friday... I thought to myself, "Am I that invincible in the office?" I was clearly offended by that remark by my boss. Do I have to r...

Embarking on my new life, I woke up to a very subtle and cool Monday. Dark clouds can be seen again, which I am thankful of. It has been unbearably hot for the last couple of weeks and the sight of dark rainy gloomy clouds is something to be thankful for. So anyway, something happened during the weekend, leaving me really sleepy and tired. I shall not delve too much about it, but it is something good. Again, life throws me with a surprise again. But let's not go there. I would like to thank my readers for the encouragement that they have given me during my pathetic sad episode. And in all seriousness, your words of encouragement did bring a bit of strength to my dwindling and frailed emotions. I would like... (.... logged off....) To be continue to my next post...

You know what I am going to write about.. Something is definitely wrong with me. And I will take this time to figure out what. I'm single again. The breakup was mutual. And after a lengthy discussion, I have decided quits and that was agreed between the both of us. This is the shortest serious relationship that I have ever had. If I had one post-mortem of this relationship, I am to be blamed mostly because of my self-righteousness. I have be standing on weak grounds and couldn't cope up to the 'expectations' of my other half. In all seriousness, I feel weak. I feel hopeless. Not because I yet again failed another relationship, but I feel hopeless because this time round, I didn't have the courage to be strong to even try. I had a few advices from a so-called friend (you know who you are! LOL) to give it a try. But I guess, I just couldn't make it. My best friend called me egoistic. Being to involve with myself to even care about what others make of it...

Last night I was having difficulties sleeping causing me to have a migraine when I woke up. I am feeling exhausted. This thing, this relationship is spinning in my head and I can't think straight at all. To love or not to love. To stay or not to stay. To try or not to try. To change or not to change. I thought I've gone through it all. But no, this thing I'm having is new to me. I've never thought that to love, I'd have to change (for the better) for the sake of the relationship. Well, to the rational mind, that's good, right? It sounds like a win-win situation, I got a relationship, change for the better and love. Right? But what if, change is not what you need right now. Or, perhaps, you're not ready to change (when I say here, change for the better, it is a very significant change, a change of your accustomed lifestyle and personality). Is there a compromise? I guess, I need to talk things thoroughly with the other half, but when we do, w...