New No Changes, Maybe Some...
I wrote something yesterday, feeling upbeat about my new place that I am going to move into pending my visit to the place. So yesterday after work, I went feeling excited and my brother joined in the visit. He wanted to make sure that the place I am staying would be a decent one.
Unfortunately, my brother was not convinced when we went for the visit. He said that the place needs a lot of elbow grease and work done, a little of cash out is required. I agree with him to a certain extent, but I know my brother have good intentions for me and it is very nice to have a sibling who still cares about my welfare even if I am already 31 years of age.
I think secretly my brother still wants me around. But nevertheless, I guess, if I am to move, it is just not a great time, because I am financially unsound. I guess, I need to discipline my spending behaviour as I don't get the offshore allowance that I used to get at the beginning of the year. I need to be strict on my expenditure and try to balance so that I have something for my rainy day. I am looking and browsing for a budget/expenditure software so that I am aware of my financial situation.
At the moment, I am going through some transition of personality. I am trying to be a little passive. I am quite an aggresive guy, well I can be. And only last night, I realise something about my personality, I use aggresiveness to protect myself from feeling pathetic about myself. Actually something happened last night when I was talking to "E". I was talking about my depression. I suffer from depression. Yes, those who know me would probably think that I'm this bubbly, fun and easy going guy, but deep inside, only god knows how turbulant my emotions can be. I'm so used to wearing a happy mask outside that sometimes, it becomes me, which is something I like to do and be. But there are times when I use aggresiveness to avoid myself from being any form of victimisation (does such word exist? - post check in dictionary, yes it does!)
Being passive about it helps, well, sometimes, at least being a little passive from the aggressiveness would help. But being passive as a whole, I guess, no one enjoy putting themselves to be a door mat all their life. Unless their main reason for living is to please other people than themselves, but who am I to say who is wrong or right. Everybody to their own reasons. I guess, I'm learning to be less agressive. Yeah, that is the right word to say. "E" have been very kind to me recently, despite my irrational burst of moody anger.
... logged off ...
I logged off yesterday, I was superbly busy. I ended the day tired and angry. I was just really pissed off that the guys offshore are not relaying any feedback knowing fully aware that I am looking for them. I have been calling them and they are not returning my phone calls. I've been asking for scope clarifications but they were apparently so busy. So busy to even spare a few minutes??
My colleague and I were left in the dark and unaware of the scopes that have been given to us. And more and more work which we are unaware of is given to us. Things that we onshore don't understand. We've been pushing papers and creating panic for ourselves just to meet their demand, but leaving us with no feedback.
Seriously this has really ruin my day. And I am having one of those days. I'm really upset now. I'm tired. I'm still tired since yesterday. I'm exhausted. I'm knackered. Seriously.
I just want to go to bed.
That's it, Ciao!
Unfortunately, my brother was not convinced when we went for the visit. He said that the place needs a lot of elbow grease and work done, a little of cash out is required. I agree with him to a certain extent, but I know my brother have good intentions for me and it is very nice to have a sibling who still cares about my welfare even if I am already 31 years of age.
I think secretly my brother still wants me around. But nevertheless, I guess, if I am to move, it is just not a great time, because I am financially unsound. I guess, I need to discipline my spending behaviour as I don't get the offshore allowance that I used to get at the beginning of the year. I need to be strict on my expenditure and try to balance so that I have something for my rainy day. I am looking and browsing for a budget/expenditure software so that I am aware of my financial situation.
At the moment, I am going through some transition of personality. I am trying to be a little passive. I am quite an aggresive guy, well I can be. And only last night, I realise something about my personality, I use aggresiveness to protect myself from feeling pathetic about myself. Actually something happened last night when I was talking to "E". I was talking about my depression. I suffer from depression. Yes, those who know me would probably think that I'm this bubbly, fun and easy going guy, but deep inside, only god knows how turbulant my emotions can be. I'm so used to wearing a happy mask outside that sometimes, it becomes me, which is something I like to do and be. But there are times when I use aggresiveness to avoid myself from being any form of victimisation (does such word exist? - post check in dictionary, yes it does!)
Being passive about it helps, well, sometimes, at least being a little passive from the aggressiveness would help. But being passive as a whole, I guess, no one enjoy putting themselves to be a door mat all their life. Unless their main reason for living is to please other people than themselves, but who am I to say who is wrong or right. Everybody to their own reasons. I guess, I'm learning to be less agressive. Yeah, that is the right word to say. "E" have been very kind to me recently, despite my irrational burst of moody anger.
... logged off ...
I logged off yesterday, I was superbly busy. I ended the day tired and angry. I was just really pissed off that the guys offshore are not relaying any feedback knowing fully aware that I am looking for them. I have been calling them and they are not returning my phone calls. I've been asking for scope clarifications but they were apparently so busy. So busy to even spare a few minutes??
My colleague and I were left in the dark and unaware of the scopes that have been given to us. And more and more work which we are unaware of is given to us. Things that we onshore don't understand. We've been pushing papers and creating panic for ourselves just to meet their demand, but leaving us with no feedback.
Seriously this has really ruin my day. And I am having one of those days. I'm really upset now. I'm tired. I'm still tired since yesterday. I'm exhausted. I'm knackered. Seriously.
I just want to go to bed.
That's it, Ciao!
Comments
Be careful on the look out when it comes to renting out places - most of the time, the places are not really worthy of your $, as in, quality-wise & expectation-wise, the Landlord would just have a grab at your $ whether you're happy with the place or not. I've done my hunting last year dah & in comparison to my experience of accommodation hunting in S'pore (I stayed all comfy & contentedly in a Condo in the end during my 2mths stay in SG), I am not very happy with our place punya conditions lah. When it comes to $ matter in relation to building properties, they cannot work their trick on me over here, hun...
Personality dilemma - You cannot become of what you are not born to become. Decipher that... You cannot change yourself for the sake of making the others happy, perhaps a little bit of improvisation or modification tu, boley lahhh... But change, I don't think so... I've evolved but no, I haven't changed much at all. When it comes to being aggressive, ada masa & tempatnya, dear... Being a door mat is for a muted fool who is born to be really, really "un-intelligent" naturally, not for those who are naturally bright and well-educated like yourself or myself. Do not be a door mat or worse, a butt polisher. Be passive only when you're on neutral or un-provoked grounds. Try applying the theory of "Situational Leadership" & let me know if it suits you or not - that's my Leadership trait, alright... Loud & Aggressive when the Situation calls for it, especially during Emergency & Rescue Situations - everybody will be pushing me to be Loud & Aggressive to lead them away. But on every day working basis at the Station, I am a neutral and a sweetly passive colleague - happy-go-lucky & always smiling greeting & blending in with others, with a total Zero on Aggressiveness.
Depression? It is time for you to throw away that Mask for now, baby... Vent it out through what aggressive trait that you have for I do not think talking will do enough for you... Emotional ventilation doesn't seem to work for you, go all physical, dearheart... Afterall, physical combined with mental ventilation would max out your aggressive personality for sure... So go out & go for it... I'm all support for you, buddy...
~The Croft~