Precious

What is so precious? Life. Indeed.

And to think of that I once nearly took my own life, what an idiot eh? As I walked up the stairs to my brother's flat, thought about my life and how much life I've lived. And has it been a long arduous one. Pretty tiring, I must admit, but as the saying goes "Life goes on".

I don't know why I've started writing about Life. It just occurred to me all of a sudden thinking I've lived my 31 years and asked myself, what much did I achieve? I don't think I've achieved much though, perhaps I'm the only amongst my siblings who are achieved academically and that's about it really.

It got me remembering that this afternoon, I chatted with a frequent (I assume) reader of this blog, she was saying along the line that I've loved and have still lots of love to give and encouraged me to keep on loving. Which is generally a good advice to get and thus I shall try to keep on loving without hurting others in the process of course.

Things with "E" is going well. Since the presence of Aiedee, we've been cutting down our meetings to phone calls and text messages. It is not that I don't want to introduce him to my new love, it's just I don't think it appropriate, why? I have no clue what-so-ever. Oh, I've jinxed myself today. I've been saying to others and myself that there I times when I wish I can still work offshore. And guess what? Just when I arrived in the office and finally parked my car, my offshore CSR (Company Site Representative) called me up asking if I could relieve him next week. Darn it, sometimes, the saying "be careful what you wish for" does reign true.

So I will be offshore next week for a week. And all my plans are out of the window. I was planning to take a few days leave because I planned to finally decide and move to the new place that I surveyed a few days ago with Aiedee, but now, things are a little bit jumbled up. So I told the landlord today by text that I won't be staying until July. Why July? Well, a week offshore, then a week onshore, then it'll be my Bangkok trip some time during the school holidays. So effectively, I'll still be paying for the whole month when I am just staying there for only a couple of weeks. So what is the point of renting that month? I might as well move in July. But then again, I also told the landlord not to hold it off for me and if someone wanted to rent out the place in June, I will be okay with that. I'm leaving it to fate to decide if I should move out or not. That's my cope out answer to things I don't know. I let fate decide.

So anyway, things are picking up full speed at work, and I've got plenty on my plate, easy things to handle but very tedious work, following up here and there, ensuring that all plans are all go and green. I might take some days off this couple of days. Just to give myself a little bit of rest before I go offshore. I think that there will be much more advantages for me going offshore at this point in time, the least is that I know how to plan my offshore scope for the next ongoing week and the week after, most importantly knowing in hand and by evidence any problems regarding work. Hey why am I on about work eh?

Actually I have something in mind to write about, but now I've forgotten them. Oh yes, now I remember, now that I have "E" in my life, I think I am traumatised by the even when I was offshore and "Z" (an ex) fooled around during my absence. And I am trying hard not to make comparison between them both. But I can't help wonder, if I got the same kind of mouse while the cat is away. Trust between me and "E" had decrease significantly after we had our big argument recently. It is just that, secretly I have big hopes for this relationship, but I am afraid to put down my heart on my sleeve ever again. I don't want to get hurt again. Well, no one does. But how do I know if I am not making the same mistake again? How do I know that I'm not being stupid again?

I guess, I will let fate do it's job and accept the things that I can't change. But even so, I'll always have this 'itch' of wonderment of what ifs... Oh well, I guess, I have to learn to accept nevertheless. Okay, it's midnight and it's bed time, Aiedee is already gone to dreamland, so I guess I should too. Until then, take care and Ciao and thanks for listening or reading that is :)