Sick and Tired

I'm sick and tired of love.

I know I've said that before but not entirely. But this time, it's gone way over my head, it's like I've hit my head for the second time, only this time, it's a harder blow.

Love and ambivalence do not go hand in hand. As probably predicted by most of my readers and yes, you can laugh out loud now, I broke up with "T". No, nothing went wrong with the both of us, seriously. "T" did not do anything, I didn't do anything and it wasn't a mutual understanding, two days after the breakup, I know now, why I wanted to break it up with "T". "T" doesn't take no for an answer. "T" didn't even give me any space at all, miss calling every other hour, text messaging me. Geez, good god! Leave me alone already.

I already made myself clear that I wanted to be alone, but some people don't get the obvious instruction. I broke up with "T" by confessing that I have cheated, when in actual fact I didn't. Yes, I know that is sneaky, but I rather take the blame and be the bad guy, rather than telling the truth, sometimes, we can't say the truth, because the truth hurts and sometimes can get very personal. I know that I am a coward. Tell me what's new? But I rather be the cowardice bad guy. It's much easier like that, and now, "T" is being very very persistent, very insisting, basically, not taking it well.

I just want my time alone, no, no more dates for me, no more love for me, I'm fasting from love. This is where I draw the line. I know I've said this before, but this time, insya allah, it's for real, I don't mind having new friends, getting to know new people but no more lovey dovey stuff this time, and Karma, if you're listening.... "Piss off! Go Karma someone else!"

I'm tired, seriously, I am, I'm tired of the mind games, the emotional games, everything. I just want to have fun, by myself. And no, not in that kind of way either. But I just want to be free right now, no commitments, nothing, I don't own nobody and nobody owns me, I am not obliged to anybody and nobody is obliged to me. No strings attached. Nothing.

I've said all of this before, but then the lack of me got the better of me, and now, I feel stronger and surer of what I want to have in my life. I thank this to my best friend Billy, in a way, despite his personal turmoil, have helped me directly and indirectly. I feel much better after talking to him. Billy, thank you.

I've got not much to say, things are uneventful. Nothing worth mentioning. A quick Bon Voyage to my good friend, Sab, who's going away for a long long time to a very cold cold place. I'm gonna miss that guy. He's my first friend when I joined the Company. I shall join you soon... I'm out of things to say, so until then....