So Far So Good

And that's what it is right now, so far, so good.

Life, that is. Yesterday was T's Birthday and we celebrated it over a modest dinner, drove around the city (bandar) and since it was starting to rain, we went back home and we talked about personal stuffs. Among the personal topic that was discussed was our pseudo relationship that we are having.

Having said that I was not ready for a relationship was, maybe, prematurely decided, but never still a conscious decision on my half. So we agreed to be as good friends, with the possibility of taking it to another level. T is very cautious. No one wants to put their hearts on the plate for others to consume, so I guess, based by experience, I do understand where T is coming from. In fact, I also did ask if our friendship is an exclusive one, T said along the line "Pow! Pow! You're dead!" and there I was, dead. It is good that T has this cautious attitude towards engaging new relationships unlike me, always rushing into things generated by emotions.

But there was something shocking that I have learnt a few days ago, throwing off my ambivalent decision of being single to a turbulent one. I found out that E cheated on me while I was away offshore. I was mad pissed by this news. But according to trusted and informed sources, it was a pathetic and desperate attempt to cheat, which by my standards sad and pitiful. But nevertheless, E wanted to cheat. Why do I often get cheaters? This is the second time this had happened to me, while I was offshore. Is there no one decent, loyal and faithful left in this world anymore?

I tried not to write about it while my emotions were consumed by anger, thus, right now, it feels less guilty about starting a new relationship. Okay, this new relationship with T is friendship. A-not-so-exclusive-but-taking-slow friendship relationship. Before, I was reluctant to start this friendship relationship with T because of what I had said to E. But now, in a way, E deserves it! I know it's bad, and sounds like a vengeful thing to do. But serves E right for making a fool out of me.

Drama? Definitely. But I think and I am hopeful with the future. Of course we all ought to be hopeful every single day of our lives, otherwise we'll lose the meaning of living. I've got nothing much to say actually, perhaps only saying T and I (as in me, not a point of reference) are bonding quite well now. It's good. So far. Hopeful, a little, happy, definitely. Ambivalent, always. Until then...