Countdown
At the moment, there are a few countdowns that I'm thinking of. Like everyone else, one countdown to the New Year. And others are my countdowns for my long haul offshore, and the last countdown till the time I get back onshore.
I am really dragging my feet when it comes to going offshore. I blame being offshore as part of the reason why some of my relationship had failed. And this thing with SA, I am really afraid of losing this one. Although it is not a relationship as such, but I guess in the last few days we have bonded nicely, learning about each other, perhaps to find compatibility. So far we found many differences between us, in terms of personality and the way we manage things. SA is introvert, whereas I am extrovert. I am very expressive, while SA keeps things hidden and subdued.
I confess that I sometime wish that I am introverted. Sometimes, keeping quiet and keeping things to yourself have this awe of strength. It shows a strong personality. Whatever problems that they face they keep it bottled up, and others would look at them and find strength that they are able to withstand such tremendous pressure. Where as others would have just burst into tears or into a thunder of rage. But as some saying goes, "the best strength are also their best weaknesses". There will be times when as much one can vessel up pressure, one would reach the limit.
(Logged off)...
I have actually stop writing the post because somehow I had a writer's block. I just couldn't get to tail off the ending. So I just logged off. The previous paragraphs were wrtitten on the 11th December and now it is the 15th December and guess where I am? That's right, offshore. I have been here since yesterday and this is the second day out of sixteen days that I will be here. I am very much so counting my days that I even had a percentage formula to count the remaining time I have left. And yes, if you had to ask, I have 93.47% left remaining. I can count it to any amount of decimal points you'd like.
So anyway, as I was saying about SA, being introverted. I know it is a subjective matter, but that is how I view it as. It does take a lot of courage to bottle up your emotions. I've tried opening it up, and SA was very quick to shut it tight again. I guess, like the saying, it rings true, some also view this as a weekness. The fear of confronting your emotions. But then again, within that weaknesses, it does take a lot of courage to keep it in. I guess it's a conscious decision to do as so.
As for me, I blurt out easy, not secrets but emotions. When I'm happy, I show it, when I'm sad, I show it, when I'm angry, I show it. I show my emotions. But only recently, I've learnt to bottle it up. Like this feeling I have for SA. Although it is out in the open, but I still take a step back and abstain from pouring my heart out. Keeping my mouth shut. And just let the moment pass. For me, SA has this ability to pull and push me to my own place. And so far it is a comfortable place. SA would push me away, by sub-consciously making me bottle myself up, and pull me back when it seems that I was too far aback.
You maybe wondering that it looks like SA is playing a game of push and pull. It's actually not anywhere close to that. And yes, I am opening my eyes wide open. I believe that SA is only doing this for some reason, although yet a mystery, I sort of understand. SA is very different from any relationship that I ever had. One main difference is that I am the one who wants to have this relationship when it is always the other half who wants to have it, and I'd would just agree to have the relationship because I fear 'what-ifs'.
So how is work offshore this time? To sum it up; crazy! But I guess, at some point, I'd have to stomp my foot on the ground. I sent a really nasty email to appropriate parties because the supervisors in the team have been abusing their overtime claims. It comes to a point where I just could not tolerate. Work has ground to a halt because no supervisor was staying on-board. He only arrived at about 4pm and it was too late to do anything. It's really frustrating. And the office, gawd, it is so easy for them to get back to their bad habits. Other than that, it's normal, normal in this sense, is them back to their habis that is. Oh the army is around this time, they are usually here doing their combat exercise, if you remember I wrote about them about the same time last year, click here. So that's about it, I actually paused for a long moment to read my old post from last year... Gawd the pain and joy I went through that year... pathetic wasn't I? Then again, have that all changed... LOL I DON'T THINK SO. I don't think I've learnt from my mistakes which by default makes me a stupid guy. Yes, at least I admit that much. As Forrest Gump use to say... "Stupid is what stupid does"...
Until then... Love always...
I am really dragging my feet when it comes to going offshore. I blame being offshore as part of the reason why some of my relationship had failed. And this thing with SA, I am really afraid of losing this one. Although it is not a relationship as such, but I guess in the last few days we have bonded nicely, learning about each other, perhaps to find compatibility. So far we found many differences between us, in terms of personality and the way we manage things. SA is introvert, whereas I am extrovert. I am very expressive, while SA keeps things hidden and subdued.
I confess that I sometime wish that I am introverted. Sometimes, keeping quiet and keeping things to yourself have this awe of strength. It shows a strong personality. Whatever problems that they face they keep it bottled up, and others would look at them and find strength that they are able to withstand such tremendous pressure. Where as others would have just burst into tears or into a thunder of rage. But as some saying goes, "the best strength are also their best weaknesses". There will be times when as much one can vessel up pressure, one would reach the limit.
(Logged off)...
I have actually stop writing the post because somehow I had a writer's block. I just couldn't get to tail off the ending. So I just logged off. The previous paragraphs were wrtitten on the 11th December and now it is the 15th December and guess where I am? That's right, offshore. I have been here since yesterday and this is the second day out of sixteen days that I will be here. I am very much so counting my days that I even had a percentage formula to count the remaining time I have left. And yes, if you had to ask, I have 93.47% left remaining. I can count it to any amount of decimal points you'd like.
So anyway, as I was saying about SA, being introverted. I know it is a subjective matter, but that is how I view it as. It does take a lot of courage to bottle up your emotions. I've tried opening it up, and SA was very quick to shut it tight again. I guess, like the saying, it rings true, some also view this as a weekness. The fear of confronting your emotions. But then again, within that weaknesses, it does take a lot of courage to keep it in. I guess it's a conscious decision to do as so.
As for me, I blurt out easy, not secrets but emotions. When I'm happy, I show it, when I'm sad, I show it, when I'm angry, I show it. I show my emotions. But only recently, I've learnt to bottle it up. Like this feeling I have for SA. Although it is out in the open, but I still take a step back and abstain from pouring my heart out. Keeping my mouth shut. And just let the moment pass. For me, SA has this ability to pull and push me to my own place. And so far it is a comfortable place. SA would push me away, by sub-consciously making me bottle myself up, and pull me back when it seems that I was too far aback.
You maybe wondering that it looks like SA is playing a game of push and pull. It's actually not anywhere close to that. And yes, I am opening my eyes wide open. I believe that SA is only doing this for some reason, although yet a mystery, I sort of understand. SA is very different from any relationship that I ever had. One main difference is that I am the one who wants to have this relationship when it is always the other half who wants to have it, and I'd would just agree to have the relationship because I fear 'what-ifs'.
So how is work offshore this time? To sum it up; crazy! But I guess, at some point, I'd have to stomp my foot on the ground. I sent a really nasty email to appropriate parties because the supervisors in the team have been abusing their overtime claims. It comes to a point where I just could not tolerate. Work has ground to a halt because no supervisor was staying on-board. He only arrived at about 4pm and it was too late to do anything. It's really frustrating. And the office, gawd, it is so easy for them to get back to their bad habits. Other than that, it's normal, normal in this sense, is them back to their habis that is. Oh the army is around this time, they are usually here doing their combat exercise, if you remember I wrote about them about the same time last year, click here. So that's about it, I actually paused for a long moment to read my old post from last year... Gawd the pain and joy I went through that year... pathetic wasn't I? Then again, have that all changed... LOL I DON'T THINK SO. I don't think I've learnt from my mistakes which by default makes me a stupid guy. Yes, at least I admit that much. As Forrest Gump use to say... "Stupid is what stupid does"...
Until then... Love always...
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