You Know What? I'm Taking My Words Back...
I know it's impossible to take your own words and eat it up. And I don't mean to write an apologetically post. But with regards to my last post; I know crap, I know nothing about love, feelings and what-have-you-not. I have evidence of it. Nine failed relationships in 13 months... How crap could I be?
Who am I kidding? I've gotten way over my head, didn't I? I knew it, I knew you'd agree. I've let my emotions run over all of my thinking. I am a stupid bleeding daft git. As ambivalent as I am, as a fool as I am, as an idiot as I am, one thing that might be ironic to some is that I'm a realist. People who know me, I keep things real. And this is the reason for this post. Trying to keep it real. Yeah, perhaps you are right, maybe you are right, that I'm having cold feet with this wonderful new... I don't even know what I could call it as, this thing I'm having, this once sided sad story of mine...
Why all of a sudden did I write this post? Well, for a start, with these kind of thoughts in my mind, you can as hell forget trying to get me to sleep. I'll just toss and turn like a freaking tumble dryer. The other reason is my ambivalence. I'm afraid. All of a sudden I had this feelings of 'freaking out' perhaps married people call it 'cold feet'. I don't quite know how this freak out happened. Perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me. It's just that, I had a thought, what on earth could I do to make SA happy? I freaked out, my mind was like an innocent kid, raising his shoulders and hands up, shaking his head, gesturing I don't know, it wasn't me... I'm starting to think that I'm incapable of loving anyone anymore. No, no, this is not a drama I'm making for myself. I know what you are thinking... No.
I wanted to express it to you, my dear readers, but it's just too gray in scale to even describe what I am trying to say. In fact, I wanted to cry (yeah, I know, such a sissy thing!), because I really don't want to break SA's heart. I really don't want SA to be part of my embarrassing statistic. I don't want to hurt no more. It's just that. I know I can change but then again, really? Can I? Seriously?
I know what I wrote in my previous blog sounds so "aww, so love-y dove-y, aww so sweet", but wake up and smell the coffee! Who am I kidding, really... Seriously... Really! So I'm taking it all back. I know that I could just delete the post and let it to that. But I would know that I wrote it and deleting it would make this post, even freakier! Rambling! Pah! Okay, at least it's out of my chest. Thank you blog for listening...
Better shut up now, than digger deeper into my own grave. Until then... (I don't want to spell check... I'm to embarrassed writing it already, let alone reading it again!)
Who am I kidding? I've gotten way over my head, didn't I? I knew it, I knew you'd agree. I've let my emotions run over all of my thinking. I am a stupid bleeding daft git. As ambivalent as I am, as a fool as I am, as an idiot as I am, one thing that might be ironic to some is that I'm a realist. People who know me, I keep things real. And this is the reason for this post. Trying to keep it real. Yeah, perhaps you are right, maybe you are right, that I'm having cold feet with this wonderful new... I don't even know what I could call it as, this thing I'm having, this once sided sad story of mine...
Why all of a sudden did I write this post? Well, for a start, with these kind of thoughts in my mind, you can as hell forget trying to get me to sleep. I'll just toss and turn like a freaking tumble dryer. The other reason is my ambivalence. I'm afraid. All of a sudden I had this feelings of 'freaking out' perhaps married people call it 'cold feet'. I don't quite know how this freak out happened. Perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me. It's just that, I had a thought, what on earth could I do to make SA happy? I freaked out, my mind was like an innocent kid, raising his shoulders and hands up, shaking his head, gesturing I don't know, it wasn't me... I'm starting to think that I'm incapable of loving anyone anymore. No, no, this is not a drama I'm making for myself. I know what you are thinking... No.
I wanted to express it to you, my dear readers, but it's just too gray in scale to even describe what I am trying to say. In fact, I wanted to cry (yeah, I know, such a sissy thing!), because I really don't want to break SA's heart. I really don't want SA to be part of my embarrassing statistic. I don't want to hurt no more. It's just that. I know I can change but then again, really? Can I? Seriously?
I know what I wrote in my previous blog sounds so "aww, so love-y dove-y, aww so sweet", but wake up and smell the coffee! Who am I kidding, really... Seriously... Really! So I'm taking it all back. I know that I could just delete the post and let it to that. But I would know that I wrote it and deleting it would make this post, even freakier! Rambling! Pah! Okay, at least it's out of my chest. Thank you blog for listening...
Better shut up now, than digger deeper into my own grave. Until then... (I don't want to spell check... I'm to embarrassed writing it already, let alone reading it again!)
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