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I left the topic blank (hyphen) because I feel empty.

I think I am in love. And falling in badly. I can't think straight anymore. Remember that crush that I had? This is the second crush. I think it is more than a crush. I asked a friend recently, if it was just a crush, then my friend asked me, "Does "C" (referring to The Crush) was the first thing you think of when you wake up? Does "C" is the last thing in your mind before you go to bed? Do you think about "C" when you are not doing anything? Do you miss "C"?" All of the answers to all of these questions is YES! And worst of all, I am don't think of anybody else and every face I see looks like "C". I'm having it bad this time.

Why is this such a big deal? Because I am not the kind of guy who falls in love easily, although people fall in love with me easily. I don't. Like I once told my readers before, with the longest relationship that I had, it took me more than three months into the relationship when I first utter the three meaningful words "I love you". Yes, I admit I have commitment issues. So that is why this is a big deal for me. I thought this crush that I have is just plain infatuation. But it didn't turn out as that. "C" is always in my mind, no matter how much I tried to push "C" away. There's a reason why this is particularly hard for me. It is somewhat personal reason, but basically I can't have "C" because it is taboo (ethics) and most likely already taken (I haven't came round to investigate, so far I know "C" isn't married yet). "C" is only an acquaintance, not even a friend.

My friend told me to just confront "C", but every time I had the chance to confront, my heart beats hard and loud and I can hear it beating in my eardrums, I became very awkward and uncomfortable, I start to stutter, I start to look all direction like some lost puppy. Basically I became stupid and clumsy. I just didn't know what to say. See, I am having it bad. My brain works on super-overdrive and I just didn't know what to say. There's a million of things that I wanted to say to "C". But nothing came out. I don't know if "C" realise this or not, I think "C" is oblivious to my feelings. Obviously because "C" doesn't know.

So anyway, I know this post sounds pretty pathetic but I guess, I just need to put this down on this blog, to remind me what NOT TO DO when I have meet the future love of my life.

So, I'm running out of words now, until then, take care, wish me luck in confronting "C" about my feelings and Ciao!