The Pulling Force

Sometimes there are some saying generalising that "the harder you try to avoid and resist, the stronger the pull".

And yes, this time around, I am talking about love, but not love per se.  I am highly and deliriously infatuated with someone at the moment.  It was just one stupid blind date (I knew, I should have avoided it!!!).  I'm hoping to get this feeling over and done with.  But I just couldn't put a finger, what this feeling that I am having.  I know I've felt like this before and these feelings will led me to a path that I am trying to avoid at the moment.  But the more I try to avoid, the inevitable it becomes.

If you had imagined a perfect partner for you, physically, emotionally and psychologically, and then one day, that perfect partner that you imagined, came into your life.  Would you still turn your cheek away to proof to your own word if you had said in the first place that you will not fall in love again.  If you ask me, I'm trying hard to bite my lips at the moment.

(Logged off...)

I am offshore at the moment. The previous paragraph was written two days ago,  and a few things had happened since then. I did something really silly.  I entertained my heart.  The opportunity was there and I grabbed hold of it.  And now I'm really head over heels.  As I got to know my date, SA, the deeper I've fallen.  I had a getaway with my gorgeously transformed girlfriend (as in friend), Lara, and I asked SA to join me.  And I am madly (dare I say) fallen in love.  But at the moment, I don't know if this feeling I am having is mutual.  I guess, SA is keeping neutral about it.  I have made my peace with SA with regards to my feelings.  But SA kept being a mystery about it, but at the same time gave positive gestures of interests.  But I'm taking things slow, of course, not rushing about it.

I'm keeping my thoughts positive and keeping my mind in optimism.  Oh, that getaway with Lara was a great one, I'm glad I said yes to her invite.  On the first night we spent together, she made a confession that her heart have been wooed by a peculiar wonderful soul.  She had never had these kind of emotions before, and in turn, I confessed my feelings about SA and it became a great night.  We almost slept with each other as in sleep, but I remembered that I did not take a single minute of sleep since the day before and I must be really tired, and when I do, I snore.  So I went back to my room to catch a few hours of sleep.  I slept like a baby.  Our getaway was at this beautiful location, a B&B.  It was such a great place to be and it exist in Brunei even.  I know that sounds really hard to believe but true.  It was fantastic.  The next day was Lara's transformation as a writer.  Lara who is also an avid reader of this blog is a brilliant writer.  She writes like a painter, describing every little details of her encounter with the world.  This transformation was for a photo shoot that she always wanted to have.  I was there half of the time, the other half of the time, I went back to my bed and laptop to surf.  The reason for this, was that I wanted to be uber surprised by her transformation, and that effect will be greatly enhanced if I didn't see the shoot itself.

Not long after that, we discussed about the barbeque that we will be having for that night, with the photographers and stylist.  I had to go out and bought some drinks and food, the chicken were already marinated earlier that night.  In just a few hours, all of us convene at the garage stuffing our face with food.  It was nice.  Later that night, when everybody left, we cleaned up the place and retreated to our own rooms.  And that was the night when I met SA and we sat by the porch and talked things over.  I only got a few hours of sleep.   The next day, I met SA again.  We talked some more, but SA seemed reluctant to tell what's bothering.  SA seemed a little spaced out.  But SA said it was not me that was bothering the mind...

And yesterday I left for offshore and I am missing SA terribly, and today is my second day offshore.  The first thought I had was all about SA.  I don't know why I am like this... It's coming to a point of ridiculous.  But I am happy being ridiculous.  I miss SA so much.  Even though technically we're not together.  (yet?)  But I'm taking things slow, I always need a reminder because sometimes I can get ahead of myself too much.  As probably you have known.

So anyway, until then...