Kellaz, A Journal

Apologies for my absence in writing my blog for my avid readers. Right now, to maximise the happenings of my life, I'd have to resort to writing long and longer blogs rather than short ones because this is the only few times that I can get online. This is again going to be a long post again. And apologise if it is any inconvenience . Many things have happened in this week. I broke a sincere and honest heart. I went for a day trip offshore, met my favourite friends in KB and met up with my favourite couple, Sue and Jays, and had a karaoke session with my housemate to end the weekend. First and foremost, I broke a heart. A.J. was someone I met more than a year ago. But we couldn't be together because I was still with my ex. When I broke up with my ex, we happen to cross paths again, and things flew... I gave A.J. plenty of subtle warnings that the relationship that I am embarking could be a rebound. But, A.J. was adamant to continue the relationship. It was too quick, it wa

Every end of month, the office I work at usually celebrate everyone whose birthday is in particular month. So this month, my name is in that list, I got this as my birthday present from my office colleagues and my boss. He told me to take it as a joke. Hmmm, I can't help to think that a joke is sometimes half of the truth. Oh well, c'est la vie...

This post is dedicated to A.J. Yesterday was a difficult day. I feel sad. I feel bad. I feel guilty. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry. I did love you. But I have to make a decision which is best for me. It is not the best decision for you. But I can't keep lying to you or to myself. I'm sorry. A.J, please forgive me. I didn't mean to break your heart into pieces. Please don't give up. Allah will always be thinking of you. Allah is there to test you because Allah cares about you. Allah just want you to remember Him. Whatever it is, just look into your heart and open it. It's not our time to be together. We can't force other people to love us. I'm sorry. My doors will always be open to hear you. Just call me, text me, email me. I will be there as much as I can.

I found this article about being a good guy and I can't help but posting it here. Good Guys do finish first The game it is referring to was once a game I played during a course. I came out on the top, winning the most, because I manage to fool my way with the other coursemates to get the most money. In fact, we played for real. At the end of the game, I earned about $120. But of course, I returned the money back to everyone. The game was, to convince the chip (coin) that I am holding is a blue chip in my hand. If both me and my opponent agree that we both have the same colour chip and prove it, we would both earn a dollar. But if I told them i.e. lie to them, that the chip is blue but chip is actually a red chip, I would earn ten dollars. I manage to convince almost all of the participants that I am holding a blue chip, when in fact I was holding a red chip all the time. And everybody fell for it. I am definitely not a good guy. I'm quite nasty. Instead I think I shou

There are plenty, way plenty of things for me to say. Especially after being away from the internet for so long... So many, good god, I don't know where to start. Thus rest assure that this WILL be a long post, rest assure... (Warning: Set some good time to read through my post) Okey let's take things one at a time. I've started car pooling again with my car pool mate. And I miss my CPM (car pool mate, that is). He is always full of insights and discovery. Sometimes it is like discovery upon discovery of yourself over and over again... Thanks Meer. I needed that today. And when I arrived in the office, my beautiful colleague Saliza bought me a belt from Bangkok. I love it, it's belt with an eagle emblem with "Ride to Live, Live to Ride" around it. I love it, I absolutely love it. I've been needing a belt recently, and voila... I got one! (This is "The Secret" at work, I think). Today the office feels a little chirpier. I don

I'm back for one week and next week I will be going again. I had a good time offshore, gained a few friends and experience. I also met a few old friends. This is a picture I took just before my flight back onshore. Tomorrow its back to normality. To the office. Will update you guys with more picture offshore. I'm blogging using my mobile. Don't have a laptop yet. Till then, Adios amigos and amigas...

Warning: Since I have been not updated my readers for three days. Thus, this will be a long read. Let's assume this is a 3 in 1 post. Just like my coffee this morning... :) I can't remember my iternary this weekend because I have been quite occupied with work and everything else in between... But half of it, I will not put it here, for personal reasons. Certain readers who are involved in my life can be hurt with the things I put here. So it's sensorship for my lovely readers with the benefit for all. My tears have stopped, this is because I am trying to move on. Until now, I still love my ex. The more I try to remember my ex, love my ex, the more pain I feel in my heart and I start to cry again. The only way to move on is to find someone to love and love me back for the very being I am. The pain, the betrayal of my love and trust, even after the break up was unbearable and unforgettable. It was the most painful feeling I had. Right now, I have someone. No, no

I'm in pain. So much pain. I'm so vulnerable at the moment. I cried all night last night, until I fell asleep. I met up with my ex last night, for closure. To accept my ex as a friend. It went well. Until to the point when we were sharing each other's date experiences post relationship. My ex admitted to have been seeing a guy for the past two weeks. Ya Allah, I tried, I thought I was ready. I thought I can handle it. But it felt like a sharp pain pushed right into my heart. I broke down. I promise myself that I won't break down. But it was too painful. My ex asked me again reconsider to get back together again. Ya Allah, I want to, but I can't. I simply can't. My ex's heart to me has been tainted. Only Allah knows how much pain I am going through. I cried all night, and when I woke up still in my clothes that night, sat on the bed, and cried again. I look at the mirror beside the bed. And the first word I utter to myself today is "Yo

I broke down in tears last night. Something happened between me and my ex. Since I was ready to accept my ex as a friend, last night, my ex told me something which I shouldn't be angry or matter at all. But I couldn't accept it. I wet my pillow with tears. I am so stupid. I now accept that I am still deeply in love with my ex. My ex wants me back. I want to, but I can't. It hurts. It is so painful. I cried all the way to work today. Yes, I'm pathetic. I'm so pathetic. I'm so stupid. Something happened and there's nothing we can do about it. I'm so heart broken that I don't think I can be friends with my ex. I'm in limbo land. I don't know what to do. I miss my ex. But, I'm so heart broken, when my ex told me about what happened, my heart just stopped, I can't breath, a sharp pain in my heart, I can feel it starting to crack. I can't breath, before I knew it, I was bawling my eyes out. I don't get myself. It's just so

I woke up to the noise from outside of the house, the neighbours were talking a tad loud. I woke up, just infront of my face the alarm clock shows 09:36. Oh shoot! Oh shoot! Oh shoot! I way late. I woke up pulled my towel and exit my room to shower. My housemate was laying on the carpet floor watching TV. I asked him if he had shut my radio alarm, he said he didn't hear a thing. Oh I must have shut it off without even opening my eyes... or even aware that I shut it off. I 'zombie'ly turned the alarm off. But the funny thing is, my phone requires me to press a few buttons to turn off. But it was shut off... so weird. It's like I was in twilight zone or something. So I drove to work to be greeting by 3 roadblocks. First roadblock, ok, nothing, proceed, second roadblock, I have to pull over. I was greeted by a good looking officer, telling me to pull down the shades and blinds. He asks if I know Aaron. I told him that the car belongs to my brother-in-law,

When I returned home today, my brother-in-law's car got a puncture. So I went to the tire shop to fix it at Telisai, since I just realise that the car is a little unstable and the steering wheel is a little offset to the right not far off there. So they did their routine. Looking for bubbles in the drum routine. But oddly enough there wasn't any! The guys thought it might be sabotage, but I would have notice the odd driving manner of the car as soon as I drove it. But the puncture was felt an hour later. That was odd. So I was beginning to think that I've been jinxed when it comes to cars! Urgh! Then, tonight I was jinxed again. When that particular someone I liked in my previous post, told me that I am not trust-worthy. I don't know how this happened. I am truly disappointed and a little heart broken. I'm sad. I suppose, I better go back to my sad little corner and retreat to my sad single life. Even tonight my lava lamp froze as seen in the picture. Everything is

My avid readers, apologies for not writing anything during the weekend, obviously because of the absence of my laptop. I tried logging in using a friend's laptop, but blogger was down. So anyway, this weekend was quite a fun week. But I won't write my iternary this time. I just want to tell you about my feelings and what I have been going through in my head. On Friday I didn't go to work as from my last post, due to logistical problems. And on Saturday, I decided, that I will commit to a new car. What car? Ahh, I will tell you soon. I am so happy about it. I can't wait till May 2008 when it will finally arrive. At the moment, I am driving my brother-in-law's funky Dihatsu Sirion (previous model). And loving it. It's such an agile car, and all I could describe it as, is FUNKY. It is a really nice car. And the car has a huge sound system not suited for it. I feel like one of those pimped-up army car. Those working in the army tend to pimp their ride really well. S

My housemate just came back yesterday with my goods which I have ordered last weekend. Today I didn't go to work because I have no confidence in bringing my brother's car to work. I was supposed to follow my car pool mate's ride but I woke up late. It is so frustrating not having a car. I feel helpless. My brother passed his car to me at about 1am and the way he described about the car problems gave me the impression that the car is not safe enough to use as a commute car. But today in the afternoon, I drove it, it was ok. A little scary, but ok. The car shakes and makes a few worrying odd noises. But it ran ok. I thought to myself that I should have gone to work today. I suppose the car problem the day before made me loose confidence in driving an aged car. The car I drove now is the first car I used when I started working. And the first day at work, I got into an accident when someone bumped me from behind! Again a little traumatic event for me with this car. When will m

Yesterday, I woke up, sat up on my bed, and my head was spinning... I stood up to go to the toilet to take 'wudu' for subuh prayer, I couldn't, I went back to bed, reached for my ibuprofen, and told myself I need to rest. I didn't wake up at all. I woke up at 12pm when my housemate came back for lunch, I didn't meet him, I just stayed in bed, I felt chilly, I felt feverish. On my mobile there were a few text messages, from my brother, a few friends, including Zaty. Zaty texted me saying that she felt touched by my post regarding her and her protege. Well, I meant all what I said with all my heart. She was and still is the best. Besides Aliff that is. I am so happy to be his protege. They both are the best. Want proof? We are their proof. All three of us are in the top five. We are their success story. I think to have us all for a hangout one of these weekends. Oh my god, today is such a hectic day. I am not even close to 10% completion to what I have

Assalamualaikum! Selamat Malam! Saya Bahrin bersama awda di Dewan Seri Kenangan, Daerah Tutong! Boleh tidak kalau Bahrin ingin mencuba Bahasa Tutong? Nuei Berito Orang Tutong? Jia? Tiru Jimu Mian? Kalau Buyon, Mian Kulu... Mungkin ada yang kurang faham, sebenarnya Bahrin bertanya... Awda Apa Khabar? Baik? Sudah Makan? Kalau belum, makan dulu... Bahrin suka... makan. Makanlah jadi pengubat hati, waktu marah, waktu sedih. Jadi untuk mengelakkan kita banyak makan, kita cari alternatif lain selain dari makan. Bagi Bahrin lah kan, Bahrin suka berlari... Bukan lari dari rumah, maksudnya jogging lah kan, untuk menenangkan emosi yang terganggu... Kesian kan? Kalau kita marah, sedih, gembira, kadang-kadang kita terus tuju pada makanan. Makan memanglah sedap, tapi sedap di tekak sahaja, lepas itu, masuk dalam badan, jadi lemak... Bukan kan tidak cantik, sudah pun marah-marah, muka masam, berat badan tidak seimbang, kesihatan pun terjejas... Jadi mana pilihan awda... Gemuk atau Kurus? YAAAA... TE

After the height of our one minute worth of fame, now it's back to my day job and everything in between... As everything else calms down, it's back to the grind stone in the office. Many, many things to update, to pick up, to send, engineering packages here and there, issues to be disccused and resolved. So for the last couple of days, I have been just doing work. Yesterday, was a productive day, and I treated my colleagues with Pizza at the end of the working day. As usual, they ask my age, some over shoot when guessing, and some under estimate my age... So taking the average... I just look like another 30 year old bloke. I don't know why, but I have been taking this turning into 30 a big deal. Most of people would say, it's just a number, or young at heart, etc, etc... But I suppose I am coming to a realisation that I am undoubtably an adult and have to take on more responsibility and all the packages that comes with age... Also, they also ask when am I getti

Happy Birthday to Me Warning: This will be a long read. There are a lot of things in my mind which I wanted to express. Today is my birthday, and now I am three decades old. Time has travelled so fast in front of my eyes. And today, I look back my life and reflect my past. And will also discuss my years to come, insyaallah. First and Foremost, on the eve of my birthday was the Sixty Second DJ competition which ran align with the best 914. Best 914 is a singing contest where the contestants are selected from a radio show which they called in and sang with a minus one song. And now, yesterday they sang really really well and they sounded like professional singers. It's amazing that they are just singers who just sang along in the radio, for some they have been into a few singing contest. Then it was our turn. I was the fifth contestant, to go and face the crowd. It was nerve wreaking looking at what looks like about a thousand people watching you. I did what I can, and I did it wi

This couple of days, we have been rehearsing for the Best 914 and 60sec DJ. Boy oh boy! It's crazy. Yesterday, the mentors as a group gave us a piece of their mind. As I listen, the deeper I sank into my seat. They were angry because of our discipline. But they meant well. They only want us to do their best. Besides, we are carrying and representing their image as well, and we have to take care of that too. It's great. The other proteges are really good. And I feel a little down because at times, I feel I'm not cut to be a DJ. But as what our mentors have said, we are the remaining best. Think why we were picked. It means something, so I will and I must do my best. I'm happy to be part of the Pelangi FM family. I got to know new friends, and new friends are what I need at the moment. Meanwhile today, after our second rehearsal, we had a bite at WyWy Restaurant. Tutong Branch. The second rehearsal went pretty well, but I lost my que card. Not lost as in missing but my qu