Silence of the Lamb
My avid readers, apologies for not writing anything during the weekend, obviously because of the absence of my laptop. I tried logging in using a friend's laptop, but blogger was down.
So anyway, this weekend was quite a fun week. But I won't write my iternary this time. I just want to tell you about my feelings and what I have been going through in my head. On Friday I didn't go to work as from my last post, due to logistical problems. And on Saturday, I decided, that I will commit to a new car. What car? Ahh, I will tell you soon. I am so happy about it. I can't wait till May 2008 when it will finally arrive. At the moment, I am driving my brother-in-law's funky Dihatsu Sirion (previous model). And loving it. It's such an agile car, and all I could describe it as, is FUNKY. It is a really nice car. And the car has a huge sound system not suited for it. I feel like one of those pimped-up army car. Those working in the army tend to pimp their ride really well. Sometimes, it can be quite dis-tasteful.
At the moment, I am on a cross road. I am liking someone who is already in a relationship. We met a few times, behind the boyfriend. I don't like it, I feel bad, I feel disgusted. But my feelings somehow is a little stronger, especially after been told that the feeling is mutual. I can't converse or contact anytime I want. I feel like some sleazy mistress. I hate this feeling that I have. My heart and my brain have been contradicting each other all the time. My logical brain tells me to not 'go there', but my heart told me to maybe give it a go. It is really confusing. It's bad. I just hope this is just a rebound feeling. I have been out playing the fields, dating a few, but no further action. Some are just pure lust, but even that doesn't make me want to go the extra effort. The dating field is daunting, but exciting at the same time. I just hope I can play this game without hurting nobody. It's not a nice place to be in. Perhaps I'll just stay single and hope love can find me. It did happened the last time, hope there's a second chance.
On Sunday, I bought Natasha Beddingfield CD which I always wanted to get with my housemates. I once tried buying it online, but it never came through. I asked for a refund and they gladly oblige. And one of the song, somehow when I was listening, made me cry... I don't know why but tears just flows. I was not sad, or feeling pathetic about myself. But it reminded me of my ex. But then it also struck to me, that yes, I am truly over my ex. I miss my ex so much that it hurts so bad that I cried. But I knew that, everything is clearer now. I think I can accept my ex now. As someone else. As a friend.
To my ex: I hope you can find and hear this song, and consider this my gift. As someone who I once loved so dearly, with my whole life and my whole being. Thanks for being there when I needed you most. Thanks for hurting me. Thanks for putting up for all the stupid mistakes. Thanks for realising many things in me. Thanks for changing me for the better man that I am. Thanks for all the good things in life that you gave and shared with me. Thanks is not enough. But thanks is all I could afford to give. Thank you.
So anyway, this weekend was quite a fun week. But I won't write my iternary this time. I just want to tell you about my feelings and what I have been going through in my head. On Friday I didn't go to work as from my last post, due to logistical problems. And on Saturday, I decided, that I will commit to a new car. What car? Ahh, I will tell you soon. I am so happy about it. I can't wait till May 2008 when it will finally arrive. At the moment, I am driving my brother-in-law's funky Dihatsu Sirion (previous model). And loving it. It's such an agile car, and all I could describe it as, is FUNKY. It is a really nice car. And the car has a huge sound system not suited for it. I feel like one of those pimped-up army car. Those working in the army tend to pimp their ride really well. Sometimes, it can be quite dis-tasteful.
At the moment, I am on a cross road. I am liking someone who is already in a relationship. We met a few times, behind the boyfriend. I don't like it, I feel bad, I feel disgusted. But my feelings somehow is a little stronger, especially after been told that the feeling is mutual. I can't converse or contact anytime I want. I feel like some sleazy mistress. I hate this feeling that I have. My heart and my brain have been contradicting each other all the time. My logical brain tells me to not 'go there', but my heart told me to maybe give it a go. It is really confusing. It's bad. I just hope this is just a rebound feeling. I have been out playing the fields, dating a few, but no further action. Some are just pure lust, but even that doesn't make me want to go the extra effort. The dating field is daunting, but exciting at the same time. I just hope I can play this game without hurting nobody. It's not a nice place to be in. Perhaps I'll just stay single and hope love can find me. It did happened the last time, hope there's a second chance.
On Sunday, I bought Natasha Beddingfield CD which I always wanted to get with my housemates. I once tried buying it online, but it never came through. I asked for a refund and they gladly oblige. And one of the song, somehow when I was listening, made me cry... I don't know why but tears just flows. I was not sad, or feeling pathetic about myself. But it reminded me of my ex. But then it also struck to me, that yes, I am truly over my ex. I miss my ex so much that it hurts so bad that I cried. But I knew that, everything is clearer now. I think I can accept my ex now. As someone else. As a friend.
To my ex: I hope you can find and hear this song, and consider this my gift. As someone who I once loved so dearly, with my whole life and my whole being. Thanks for being there when I needed you most. Thanks for hurting me. Thanks for putting up for all the stupid mistakes. Thanks for realising many things in me. Thanks for changing me for the better man that I am. Thanks for all the good things in life that you gave and shared with me. Thanks is not enough. But thanks is all I could afford to give. Thank you.
Natasha Beddingfield - Still Here
You looked at me and saw what I never could see
You made me feel more than I thought I could ever be
And when I needed a friend you were always there to lift me up
To make me strong
You're not gone
You're still here
With me all the time
You're still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here
Still here in my heart
In my heart
Because of you I knew how it felt to be loved
You made me feel beautiful 'cause you believed I was
And I will never forget how you touched my life
You made me feel like I belong
You live on
You're still here
With me all the time
You're still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here
Still here in my heart
In my heart
All my life
You'll be in my life
You'll be part of me
I'll just think of you and you'll still be
You'll still be here
Still here
You're with me all the time
You'll still be here
Still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here in my heart
You're still...
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here in my heart
In my heart
In my heart
In my heart
Still here
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