I am just Ranting...
Warning: Since I have been not updated my readers for three days. Thus, this will be a long read. Let's assume this is a 3 in 1 post. Just like my coffee this morning... :)
I can't remember my iternary this weekend because I have been quite occupied with work and everything else in between... But half of it, I will not put it here, for personal reasons. Certain readers who are involved in my life can be hurt with the things I put here. So it's sensorship for my lovely readers with the benefit for all.
My tears have stopped, this is because I am trying to move on. Until now, I still love my ex. The more I try to remember my ex, love my ex, the more pain I feel in my heart and I start to cry again. The only way to move on is to find someone to love and love me back for the very being I am. The pain, the betrayal of my love and trust, even after the break up was unbearable and unforgettable. It was the most painful feeling I had. Right now, I have someone. No, not another lover. But just a kind friend who is willing to share my pain and my sorrow as our situation is the same, of sorrow and pain of a breakup.
And the past weekend, I was happy. Happy with my new friend. My housemates think that I am involved with this friend. I told them, this someone is just a friend, only just a friend. I asked them what do they think of my new friend. One of my housemate asked me if I am moving on so suddenly and quickly. That my ex, realise the mistakes made and my ex is sorry for what had happened... That the army man that my ex was seeing was not a replacement but someone imagined to be me. I was actually offended by that remark. It was as if my ex was trying to compare this man with me. This is NOT my pride nor my ego talking, but I am no where close better to that man my ex is trying to imagine or what-ever it is my ex is trying to do to move on. The army guy might have a great face, body and comes in fantastic packages. But I am what I am, I am who I am, and there is NO REPLACEMENT for me, no matter how hard my ex tries. My ex is paying for the mistake for letting me go over nothing. I'm not saying this as a harsh remark. Sometimes I felt that my ex have always wanted to let me go, and looking for any kind of excuse to let me go. But those are negative thoughts so I kept them to myself. But to compare what we have gone through to a few measly naggings, complaints and misunderstanding. In an instant. We were over. Pathetic.
My ex may find someone better than me one day, and I wish that will come true. But my ex will never find someone like me, no matter what. My ex will never find someone who truly love with all of his being like I did. The pure love that I gave. The love that I share. The love in my heart. The commitment and dedication that I gave with my whole heart. The love I gave with my life. So I hope my ex stop comparing me with any other guy, because that offends me. Have I no value to you all this time?
My ex had the chance and gave it up. My ex changed me into this faithful man from the playboy or player that I was. My ex did not reaped what my ex sowed. I suppose it was for someone else to reap what my ex sowed in me. I damned my ex for changing me. I was a man who was in love with his single life, happily unattached, free to do with what he wants to do with his life. But my ex changed me into a committed, dedicated and responsible man that I am now. So I thought, I might as well use this positive change to love someone who is worth for me. Not someone who just gave me up without a fight.
Okey, I'm not bashing my ex. Although it sound like it. It's actually a positive thing. And actually I take back my 'damnation' for changing me. I should be thankful to my ex. Only my ex did not manage to enjoy the fruit of labour of what I am now. Which is sad and pityful. To change my mindset and way of life was difficult. The journey to the man I am was not an easy ride. It was full of tears and heartache on both parts. But somehow, it ended there. Now I am for anyone to take and enjoy the commitment and the dedication I have to offer.
I could not emphasise any further, that I still love my ex. I still do. And I think I could never erase this feeling. But, will I go back to my ex? The answer is No. Because, although I was never replaced. But I felt that my place in my ex's heart has already been touched by another man. It's a big deal for me. Even though I was thrown out from my ex's heart. I have kept being faithful... Because my ex's love is so strong in my heart. Yes, I dated many, but it never to find a replacement or imagine them to be my ex. My heart was never empty, my ex was always there, but... I don't want to repeat it. It's too painful...
So new things about me. I will be away for a week and might not be able to update my blog for this week. I will be offshore. And if there is any internet connection, rest assured that I will keep you guys updated. With the absence of my laptop, I will be much more inaccessable. I was supposed to go offshore on Sunday, but I missed my boat. And due to bad weather, the boat that I missed came back to shore. And thus, tomorrow, will be my trip offshore. Allah, I'm not looking forward to a 4 hours journey by boat. Believe me, I'll be puking my brains out. Things at work is also not looking good. Some power struggle is going on. On my side, I'll just step back and find other things to do. I've talked to my boss about it, and he agreed, the project that I am doing is better off handled by someone else more experienced. I'm sad about it, but I'm hopeful for more other good things to come for me.
I'm in a great mood today. I'm happy, I'm happy I have a friend to share my sorrow and pain, and making me feel not alone, as we're both licking our wounds at the moment, helping to mend our hearts, helping each other. It's all positive. It's all good.
Until then, Take care, Adios Amigo and Amigas.
I can't remember my iternary this weekend because I have been quite occupied with work and everything else in between... But half of it, I will not put it here, for personal reasons. Certain readers who are involved in my life can be hurt with the things I put here. So it's sensorship for my lovely readers with the benefit for all.
My tears have stopped, this is because I am trying to move on. Until now, I still love my ex. The more I try to remember my ex, love my ex, the more pain I feel in my heart and I start to cry again. The only way to move on is to find someone to love and love me back for the very being I am. The pain, the betrayal of my love and trust, even after the break up was unbearable and unforgettable. It was the most painful feeling I had. Right now, I have someone. No, not another lover. But just a kind friend who is willing to share my pain and my sorrow as our situation is the same, of sorrow and pain of a breakup.
And the past weekend, I was happy. Happy with my new friend. My housemates think that I am involved with this friend. I told them, this someone is just a friend, only just a friend. I asked them what do they think of my new friend. One of my housemate asked me if I am moving on so suddenly and quickly. That my ex, realise the mistakes made and my ex is sorry for what had happened... That the army man that my ex was seeing was not a replacement but someone imagined to be me. I was actually offended by that remark. It was as if my ex was trying to compare this man with me. This is NOT my pride nor my ego talking, but I am no where close better to that man my ex is trying to imagine or what-ever it is my ex is trying to do to move on. The army guy might have a great face, body and comes in fantastic packages. But I am what I am, I am who I am, and there is NO REPLACEMENT for me, no matter how hard my ex tries. My ex is paying for the mistake for letting me go over nothing. I'm not saying this as a harsh remark. Sometimes I felt that my ex have always wanted to let me go, and looking for any kind of excuse to let me go. But those are negative thoughts so I kept them to myself. But to compare what we have gone through to a few measly naggings, complaints and misunderstanding. In an instant. We were over. Pathetic.
My ex may find someone better than me one day, and I wish that will come true. But my ex will never find someone like me, no matter what. My ex will never find someone who truly love with all of his being like I did. The pure love that I gave. The love that I share. The love in my heart. The commitment and dedication that I gave with my whole heart. The love I gave with my life. So I hope my ex stop comparing me with any other guy, because that offends me. Have I no value to you all this time?
My ex had the chance and gave it up. My ex changed me into this faithful man from the playboy or player that I was. My ex did not reaped what my ex sowed. I suppose it was for someone else to reap what my ex sowed in me. I damned my ex for changing me. I was a man who was in love with his single life, happily unattached, free to do with what he wants to do with his life. But my ex changed me into a committed, dedicated and responsible man that I am now. So I thought, I might as well use this positive change to love someone who is worth for me. Not someone who just gave me up without a fight.
Okey, I'm not bashing my ex. Although it sound like it. It's actually a positive thing. And actually I take back my 'damnation' for changing me. I should be thankful to my ex. Only my ex did not manage to enjoy the fruit of labour of what I am now. Which is sad and pityful. To change my mindset and way of life was difficult. The journey to the man I am was not an easy ride. It was full of tears and heartache on both parts. But somehow, it ended there. Now I am for anyone to take and enjoy the commitment and the dedication I have to offer.
I could not emphasise any further, that I still love my ex. I still do. And I think I could never erase this feeling. But, will I go back to my ex? The answer is No. Because, although I was never replaced. But I felt that my place in my ex's heart has already been touched by another man. It's a big deal for me. Even though I was thrown out from my ex's heart. I have kept being faithful... Because my ex's love is so strong in my heart. Yes, I dated many, but it never to find a replacement or imagine them to be my ex. My heart was never empty, my ex was always there, but... I don't want to repeat it. It's too painful...
So new things about me. I will be away for a week and might not be able to update my blog for this week. I will be offshore. And if there is any internet connection, rest assured that I will keep you guys updated. With the absence of my laptop, I will be much more inaccessable. I was supposed to go offshore on Sunday, but I missed my boat. And due to bad weather, the boat that I missed came back to shore. And thus, tomorrow, will be my trip offshore. Allah, I'm not looking forward to a 4 hours journey by boat. Believe me, I'll be puking my brains out. Things at work is also not looking good. Some power struggle is going on. On my side, I'll just step back and find other things to do. I've talked to my boss about it, and he agreed, the project that I am doing is better off handled by someone else more experienced. I'm sad about it, but I'm hopeful for more other good things to come for me.
I'm in a great mood today. I'm happy, I'm happy I have a friend to share my sorrow and pain, and making me feel not alone, as we're both licking our wounds at the moment, helping to mend our hearts, helping each other. It's all positive. It's all good.
Until then, Take care, Adios Amigo and Amigas.
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