Closure
I'm in pain. So much pain. I'm so vulnerable at the moment. I cried all night last night, until I fell asleep.
I met up with my ex last night, for closure. To accept my ex as a friend. It went well. Until to the point when we were sharing each other's date experiences post relationship. My ex admitted to have been seeing a guy for the past two weeks.
Ya Allah, I tried, I thought I was ready. I thought I can handle it. But it felt like a sharp pain pushed right into my heart. I broke down. I promise myself that I won't break down. But it was too painful. My ex asked me again reconsider to get back together again. Ya Allah, I want to, but I can't. I simply can't. My ex's heart to me has been tainted.
Only Allah knows how much pain I am going through. I cried all night, and when I woke up still in my clothes that night, sat on the bed, and cried again. I look at the mirror beside the bed. And the first word I utter to myself today is "You are pathetic!". I stood up wiped my tears, pulled the towel and showered. I got ready for work and made myself coffee, and warmed up the engine. I sat down on the stairs, with my coffee in one hand and a cigarette on the other hand. I broke down again. On my way to work, I broke down again. I'm in so much pain.
Yes, my avid readers, I'm pathetic. I know I am. But trust me when I say, I have never ever love someone like this. I thought my ex was THE ONE! The one I will grow old with. The one who will be there together through what life will throw at me. This is the person that I love with my whole being. In fact, you are reading this, because I am alive. My ex's saved my life. I am here breathing because of my ex. And now, I feel empty, dead and nothing... Just pure nothingness. I feel used. I feel abandon. I feel alone. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I have never ever let anyone into my heart this deep. In fact, I have never really love someone this bad until it hurts my whole being.
Last night ended with me taking back all of my words. I can't be friends with my ex. I'm not ready yet. I can't even look right to my ex's face. Yes, I am still in love with my ex. But we cannot be together. Everything has been said. There is no turning back.
To my ex: I want to thank you for everything. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry.
I met up with my ex last night, for closure. To accept my ex as a friend. It went well. Until to the point when we were sharing each other's date experiences post relationship. My ex admitted to have been seeing a guy for the past two weeks.
Ya Allah, I tried, I thought I was ready. I thought I can handle it. But it felt like a sharp pain pushed right into my heart. I broke down. I promise myself that I won't break down. But it was too painful. My ex asked me again reconsider to get back together again. Ya Allah, I want to, but I can't. I simply can't. My ex's heart to me has been tainted.
Only Allah knows how much pain I am going through. I cried all night, and when I woke up still in my clothes that night, sat on the bed, and cried again. I look at the mirror beside the bed. And the first word I utter to myself today is "You are pathetic!". I stood up wiped my tears, pulled the towel and showered. I got ready for work and made myself coffee, and warmed up the engine. I sat down on the stairs, with my coffee in one hand and a cigarette on the other hand. I broke down again. On my way to work, I broke down again. I'm in so much pain.
Yes, my avid readers, I'm pathetic. I know I am. But trust me when I say, I have never ever love someone like this. I thought my ex was THE ONE! The one I will grow old with. The one who will be there together through what life will throw at me. This is the person that I love with my whole being. In fact, you are reading this, because I am alive. My ex's saved my life. I am here breathing because of my ex. And now, I feel empty, dead and nothing... Just pure nothingness. I feel used. I feel abandon. I feel alone. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I have never ever let anyone into my heart this deep. In fact, I have never really love someone this bad until it hurts my whole being.
Last night ended with me taking back all of my words. I can't be friends with my ex. I'm not ready yet. I can't even look right to my ex's face. Yes, I am still in love with my ex. But we cannot be together. Everything has been said. There is no turning back.
To my ex: I want to thank you for everything. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry.
Comments