Updates

Apologies for the lack of updates.  There isn't much to update anyways, I am just counting the days to go back home and my trip to KL.  

I've never been so excited to go.  But at the same time anxious of the things ahead that awaits me.  The real reason for this trip is to give myself a break, from work and from life.  And to avoid things that I wanted to avoid.  Like I said in my previous post, I am not really ready to move on.  But slowly and surely I'm moving on, under my own time.  And given the situation that I am in, even though I am already broke as it is, I am still adamant to go KL because I'm not ready to face my fears in Brunei...  

Running.  Running away.  That is what I am trying to do.  Fear has two basic reaction, to run away or confront it.  I chose the first.  I know that by running away, I am only delaying myself from facing the issue, but perhaps I need to run and perhaps ready to face when the time truly comes.  I miss my friends.  I miss my family.  I miss my brother in KB.  I miss my cars too...  

Recently workwise, I've been pointed for some back talk by some of the crew.  It got me really pissed off.  One thing I hate is back talk.  What is back talk, you may ask?  Back talk is my way of referring of when someone talks about your lack of or insult you without your knowledge.  You don't know it when it happens until when it happens.  Some of the crew has reported to their supervisors that I am not working.  Because I am always in my room.  The truth is, my room is the office and yes I do work, although it is not conventionally their ways of working.  To their basic understanding, is that I am in my room, thus I am sleeping until afternoon.  When in actual fact, I am in my room, awake and manning the office while everybody is in the field working.  I usually have my morning shower in the afternoon, I do this because... well, it's silly really...  I didn't have my morning shower because I'm trying control my weight and my smoking habits.  That doesn't make sense does it? 

Well, by not showering, I would be consciously embarrassed to go the mess room and smoking room, meaning, if I didn't shower, I would not be drinking, eating and smoking in the morning.  I took the shower in the midday or afternoon, and only comes down to the mess room during the afternoon tea break at 3pm.  And that is the first sighting of me for them... So by assumption, I just woke up...  The thing is, I was already awake all day!  Hmm perhaps the way I am explaining here is a little vague, but the fact is, I am working... all day...

But anyway, I don't expect people to understand, and I am sure that isn't the way it should be, but you know what?  They're not me.  I was also got blamed for not taking care of the work that has been going on.  When in fact, I am always on top of it.  I don't go to the work site area, doesn't mean I don't know what work is going on...  For goodness sake, I produce the report, and I do not know anything...?  How silly can that be?  Well, I don't care how people judge me just by looking at me.  Know me, then they can judge me...

Anyway, tomorrow is home bound, and I am excited.  Tomorrow's agenda will be, upon arrival at Anduki Airport, it would be our ritual with my brother, Sulaiman, to eat Murtabak at CAM Restaurant, Seria.  Then hang out at his place for a while, then Aiedee and I will make our way back to Bandar, but stopping by my parents to visit my dad before I go abroad the next day.  Oh by the way, Jane texted me last night that she already had moved to her new house.  And I promised her that I will visit her on Saturday.  I will also made a promise to meet up with my buddy, Billy boy!  I miss Billy...  He's the one who always gives me laughter recently and throughout my darkest moment...  I will forever remember his kindness to me...

Other than that, I'm basically counting the hours to home bound...  Ironically yesterday, I was super stressed out.  It seems that there are a lot of updates that needs to be done, and most important of all, we did a house keeping on the files, turns out we have a lot of files that we don't require anymore...  and now the files are updated, and there's new spaces for new files...

So that's it... I'm waiting for a new laptop to arrive.  So until then, c'est la vie...!