Depressing December

I don't know why, but I'm depressed about December.  

This year, sucks.  Truly, truly sucks.  All in all, it has been an ugly year.  I've gain a lot of weight, I lost a great relationship (twice!), got myself almost killed in an accident, I lost all of my friends, well, they're not really my friends, but I do consider them my friends, I didn't do my marathon and the sense that this year has dropped straight to zero.

I know I sound like a whiny little kid, but gawd how much it sucks!  On the bright side of things, my house.  I'm happy that there is some progress on my house.  And perhaps 6-8 months from now, I will be moving into my (what I expect) to be an empty house.  It will be a house for now, and it will be definitely years to make it my home.  Empty, in this case, is that there will be minimal furniture.  I'm hoping that through this next few  years, with hard work, sweat and blood, maybe I'll get another promotion and I can cope up with the house payment.  Believe me, it will be difficult for me to enjoy luxuries for the next years to come...

Besides being depressed about this year, I'm bored.  With the absence of Kafi, Aiedee and Meling, the platform I am on just doesn't feel the same.  I am so counting the days to go back home, or homes, should I say...  I will be busy packing, moving and unpacking my stuff.  And in all honesty, it will be difficult for me to say goodbye to my room and my housemates.  

Trying to remember why I moved with my housemates earlier this year, was because I was kicked out...  And ironically, I feel the same again this time around.  No, no one kicked me out but it was more my emotions kicking me out again, due to the failure of my relationship...  Oh this sound so complicated.  To think that I am a simple guy, is no longer true.  Thus I shall stop explaining.

I hope my site supervisor, Meling comes back, not that I have anything against his replacement, but I suppose like the saying "Old habits die hard", that I am used to him and someone replacing him doesn't feel right.  His replacement is James, a veteran, he's a great guy, he snores just like Meling, he sleep talk just like Meling...  But something's missing.  The absence of Kafi and Aiedee, just multiplies that missing feeling much more.  

It has been a while since I wrote something about my feelings here on my blog.  I wanted to, but the feelings that I have are not nice ones, and someone is bound to get hurt.  I feel like there's blame to point, there's anger to shout, there's tears to cry.  Writing them helps, but this time round I have to bottle it up and keep moving on.  Billy and I spoke about this recently, I am the type of person who bottle things up and expect things to move on, I am the least likely person to confront my feelings or confront the problem, be it a person or a thing.  I rarely share my problems, and I hate talking about it.  It is true.  I do that, but there are times that I do open up, to closest friends like Billy and something so intimate to me, which is this blog.  But now, I can't even do that.  Out of respect, that is.

Yeah, this is a ranting post, because I'm just entertaining my boredom at the moment...  And now, I've got nothing left to say....  Until then, Ciao baby!