Rising Above It All

I was quite upset yesterday.  I was confronted by the BIG BOSS (nicely and understandably) about my work ethics.

I am not going to defend myself for this malicious rumours about me.  Yes, I consider them MALICIOUS rumours.  Because they are not true.  I won't dwell much into it, because it is a fucking waste of my time.  I've been working hard here.  No one knows how hard I've tried to work here.  And yet people think I'm slacking off!  Fuck off!  (I'm obviously fucking pissed off, and this would be a tribulation post)

This goes hand in hand to my thought post about Judgement.  People are easy to judge a book by it's cover.  I think I have explained that my room is also my office.  People always tends to see me going to my room and not the office.  It's freaking here.  The office is my freaking room and vice versa.  That pisses me off.  

Expectations.  Let me ask you, if you are going through hardship, even daily hardship, such as going to field and working under the heat of the sun and the humidity of the salty seas...  Do you expect everyone to do so too?  Apparently the answer is yes.  Failure to do so, is equivalent of not doing work.  I know I'm based here to do site visits and check on the contractors that there are doing their job.  Seriously, I can do that in my office or room, which ever one may take that as be.  I have my reasons why I don't always go to site.  That doesn't mean I don't at all, I do, but when I do, I don't like to show it off (that I am working).

Some people work loudly.  I like to work quietly.  No, not in silence, but when I do my work, I do it in a way, that I don't often show that I am doing my work.  I don't like to show off my work.  I might love to show off my stuff, but not my work.  When I was office based, I work diligently and quietly, updating my excel spreadsheets after another.  It is frustrating, but I don't like to brag about how stressful my work is, how crazy it is, I don't whine about my work, I don't complain about my work, just to show that I am working.  Some people does that and that's not wrong to do so.  But that just ain't my style.  I don't like it.  I don't like to be stressed out, I hide it all, I surround myself with calmness.  So when I do work here, I kept it quiet.  I do make some noise when things are not going well, but that doesn't happen much.

I've been working hard.  I've been working my ass off.  And for people who thinks and judge me otherwise, just, just... it's just heart breaking, I feel disheartened, demotivated.  Purely because people judge me just by looking the outside.  But I know, I have to rise above from this sick rumours.  Now I have to do more, what else is there to do?  Rise above all challenges.  Not to prove people otherwise, but to prove to myself that whatever people think is not true.  

Why do I have to prove myself, even if what they see is not true?  Because it's my freaking career, as long as I don't compensate my own being, integrity and my true self.  That'll be fine enough.   One day, only the strongest, persevere, survive. 

Until then, Ciao!