Next, please, I beg of you...

I received a comment which I didn't want to publish from ...  Well, I don't what to call anymore, an ex, a friend?  Let's just say a special someone... that I was a little biased about my 'story'.  I insulted my 'special friend' using my blog.  Which is totally and utterly not true and not the intention.

And very typical of my 'friend' to clarify and explain, which is duly noted, understood and acknowledged.  But my post was never an accusation, insult or to degrade someone.  I suppose everyone who reads it understand that it is about me, not you.  I think, and please forgive me if I digress, wrong or misinterpreted it, that you are still full of yourself.  Please forgive me if I am wrong.  I seek for your forgiveness.

That very night, you said you didn't want to feel or be 'the bad person'.  Even after repeatedly asking you to not worry (although reluctantly) and just enjoy your new life, and let me retreat for a while, but my request was ignored, perhaps because you still care about me.  I don't know, but that night, you stepped on every nerve and pushed all of my buttons, you brought up old (and getting lame) story, and wouldn't drop it.  And that was why I reacted the way, I reacted, you kept saying over and over that "this is what I wanted" after many times I've said it was not.  Everything became absolute.  It's either black or white, yes or no and no middle way.

But enough.  I will make it easy.  Dear readers, I will make a confession for the sake of my own sanity.  "All of this is what I wanted, all of this is my fault, I am to be blamed, I was a terrible lover and a bad friend.  Despite everything, I hurt the one I adore, I was left with nothing, all because of my fault and what I wanted.  I admit defeat."  I know my 'friend', won't call it quits until, I suppose I die, truly six-feet-under dead.  Something about having the last say or winning an argument is a must.  I was biased in my 'stories' and make my 'friend' look bad, I'm a nasty and evil person, ironic with the 'devil' name though..

I want to leave my 'special friend' with one thought though, if I may.  I admit that the relationship failed because I didn't want to commit, despite our repeated attempt to save our relationship.  I admit that with my failure to commit, I cheated on you so many times, and so have you.  But that wasn't the point, the point is, I was a friend and soulmate to you during the last few times and weeks we were together, I tried my best to show you that I love and cared.  But in the end, I needed a friend to support me or help me through our mess together.  Did you do anything to make my pain any easier or worst?  And I will leave you to digest and answer.  To yourself.  Not to me.

This is my last post about my special 'friend'.  No more.  It's emotionally exhausting and significantly hurtful to write.  

Until then, Adios.