Run, Run...

I'm proud of myself today, I'm almost back to my fitness level that I wanted to, although my run is still considered slow, I ran the whole 10kms in 65 minutes.  I'm happy with that.  I kept running and running, by the eighth kilometer, I was really really tired and I felt like I wanted to stop.  But I told myself, "it wouldn't be long, it wouldn't be long, just keep running man".  I persevered.

I love to run.  It clears my mind up.  I love running outdoors much more than running on the treadmill.  You know, the wind in my hair or scalp, that is.  The breeze it creates as you cut through air.  I've been slacking off on my running, it's shameful, I know.  A few years ago, I lost a  significant amount of weight by running, at one point I lost 30kgs, basically one third of me.  But now, I've gained a lot, because of my slacking off, I've gained more than 10kgs during the past two years, am hoping to lose at least 10kgs of my weight back to my ideal weight of 64kgs.  One thing that's lacking throughout this two years, which is my discipline.  I used to be so particular with food and my exercise regime.  At one point, I didn't get out much, and made my social life to a complete stop, I refuse to hang out with anyone, purely because they hang out with food.  In fact, one of my friends thought I was freaking weird.

There's nothing much Bruneians can do in this country, since there isn't any clubs or pubs or entertainment arenas, by which many hold different opinions about.  My personal opinion is I like it that way.  Wanna have fun?  Just cross the border.  Brunei is not boring.  Once an old friend told me something about boredom, and it became one of my principles in life is that 'boredom is only a state of mind'.   Boredom is the same as, happy, angry, sad, etc...  You can control boredom.  He also said that "even millionaires can get bored, right?"  Possible, but yet to be heard of.  So anyway, my point is, Bruneians tend to stuff their face with food, to 'entertain' themselves.  The food industry is a booming phenomenon in Brunei.  

But that's not just it, some people fish to entertain themselves, some delve into modifying their cars or their car's sound system to entertain themselves, watch a movie or hanging out at homes with their playstation and what not.  But even so, there will be some tendency towards food nevertheless.  

For me, I run.  When I was in KK, I bought new shoes, the shoe hurts after a while, there's a pinch at the inner middle right shoe when I run.  But so far, the shoe feels good on my feet.  It is weird, I've just notice that I'm not a supinator at all.  Well, I am, but my left foot is a neutral foot, and my right foot is supinating.  Oh, if you don't know what I am talking about, find a search engine and type 'supination'.  So I was thinking should I use a neutral shoe on the left and a supinator shoe on the right?  It would be out right weird if someone sees me in different shoes.  My '757 New Balance' shoes, feels much better than the new Asics Gel Nimbus 9.  It's weird that the Ascis gets a lot of good press and it doesn't feel that right on my foot.  But still the Asics feels good on my foot, but feels weird a little.  

Running is my therapy.  When I run, I forget everything.  It's just me and the open road (well, in my case, the treadmill).  I think about my breath, I think about my posture, my foot alignment, my steps, it's like a dance move, I'm trying to run as effective as possible.  Sometimes on the treadmill, I imagine myself running in a tunnel..  There's light at the end, and it's getting nearer and nearer, but I never did reach the light for some weird reason.  Sometimes I imagine running in a cartoon world, I see bunnies jumping around and crossing my path, crossing some forest full of deers and butterflies, a little bit like a Walt Disney cartoon.  It's silly but I suppose when I run, I'm in my own state of mind.  There are many times that I sing out loud when I get the gym to myself.  Of course, my singing isn't any good when I'm running as I huff and puff too...   And sometimes, I dance, a running dance, my footsteps follows the beat of the music.  I love run dancing with Viva La Vida by Coldplay, one time I ran dance, everyone stopped doing what they were doing and looking at me funny, but somehow they smile because they could hear the beat from my shoes.  

Wow, so much for a little topic.  Oh, just to let you on a little about my current life, I'm not doing so well, the inside of my heart is still jumbled up.  I'm still trying to make sense of what had happened to me.  I still feel lost and lonely.  But I try to get it out of my head and push it back.  I feel some sort of regret for deleting my ex's email.  But there's some relief.  I don't know, it's all mixed up inside.  Weird, huh?  But anyway, I'm surviving day by day, I guess...  Thanks for your support all this while.  I've dedicate a song to my readers, it should play automatically once you open Kellaz website.  Okay, am running out of words now, so you guys take care and c'est la vie!