Kellaz, A Journal

I should have not agreed to spend Hari Raya AidilFitri offshore.  Although the announcement have not been made yet ( it is 7.07p.m), I felt a great deal of regret not going off to Bangkok at this time of year.  There is a sad feeling about it here offshore, and I know that some of them are trying to hide their sadness.  And I'm bound to hear the Takbir and when ever I listen to it, I tend to be cry.   I even cried when I watch that drama 'Lima' (translation: 'Five') that I mention in my previous post .  Because in the ending there was a emotional reunion of the family followed by the Takbir.  It makes me feel lost for the thing I've  I don't have, or the things that I don't get to enjoy.  It makes me depressed.  However, it's too late, my back-to-back isn't going to replace me anytime soon, and there isn't going to be any flight tonight.  So I'll just have to suck my feelings inside and just live it up. The moonsighting had been made just...

I love this simple post by Aliff , there's a very nice picture of me in it, with Zack.  I love my picture...  Yes, I'm vain and self-obsessed... LOL...  Oh, click here to view... I'm offshore now already...  Slept for a while now, have not slept since yesterday...  one hour till break of fast...  and counting... Until then, take care, be safe, be kind, happy fasting and Adios!!

No, I'm still in Bandar, hanging out at DeRoyalle Cafe at the moment, but in a few hours time, after Sahur , I will be on my way, driving an hour away to Anduki Airport waiting for my flight offshore.  The cool thing is, I wonder how many people goes to work via a chopper?  That's cool, right?  Err, no... nice try... LOL So, reporting about my 'family' reunion.  As adviced by a couple of friends and my brother, I'd make some effort.  But before that, I finally had my nails manicured.  Oh yes, I'm one of the few guys who manicure.  I have done that for the last (almost) three years.  And it's nothing girly or gay about it.  Believe me when I say, once you start, your fingers will never feel the same.  It is like spa, for your fingers, and toes in my case.  I tried looking for a post I once wrote about the start of my manicuring activities.  To cut it short, my sister treated me to a manicure and there was no turning back.  Even I go to the extend of pluck m...

Some avid readers might have read about my family situation.  In short, I don't get along well with my parents and (some of) siblings.  I'm done about caring and loving them.  They just break my heart over and over again.  I suppose that is what families does.  To break you heart repetitively.  But in my case, my heart was torn apart, spat, squashed, blended into molecular tiny fragments.  So I drew the line.  And that is where I stopped. From my previous post , about my 'revelation' , this particular 'critique' had said that, perhaps my unsolved issues with my family had made me into this nasty person, and the same thing happened in the morning, when another friend sort of repeated what my 'critique' had said...  Perhaps.  Perhaps it's true, perhaps it is not.  Yesterday, out of the blue, my brother called me, I didn't answer because I've left my mobile phone in my room.  Cut to the chase, my brother needs help with booking themselves tic...

Before I start revealing myself (this is a 'thought' post, by the way) , I want to share you guys of some of the pics from my previous posts.  So click here , here , here , here , here , here and here .  (New: here , here  and  here ).  To be truthful, I love being with them, it's always fun and laughter all the time, but that night, the main topic/story telling was about kantut (translation: flatulence) and hantu (translation: Ghosts) ...  It was hilarious.  Even though two days has passed, I'm still smiling about it.  I know it's silly, but in all seriousness, if you knew this 'crazy' guys, you'd be smiling days after that... So, today, this early dawn, I had a revelation about myself.  I won't dwell into much about how I came about this revelation of myself, let's just say, a friend decided to open my eyes and make me see outside of my body and look at myself as someone else.   Kellaz a.k.a Saiful : (from this onward, I shall write Kella...

Aliff and Rian finishing up the last of the scripts, can't wait for the others to upload their pictures...

I'm uploading this picture using my mobile, this was the beginning of the all fun and laughter. Sungkai on the 23rd of September...

What happened since the last time I wrote this blog? Actually, from my last post, I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't sleep at all, so I woke up from bed pretty early to run my errands.  First of, was to pay for both of my cars in Gadong, paid for my monthly savings in Bandar, sent my coveralls to stitch embroidery lettering on my coveralls.  I envy some people who had their names embroided on their coveralls, so I decided to do the same.  I got my car to the tyre workshop to realign the tyres.  Soon after that, I went to the laundry mat to sent off my bedding covers plus my sweater for dry cleaning.  Unfortunately they can't get it clean before I go off offshore this weekend.  So I cancelled that.  Went to meet up with Redz to pick up my bed covers that he sent for laundry quite a long time ago.  My bed covers have not been changed for almost 4 MONTHS!!!  That's because I have been away for way to long to change them.  But now it's changed all nice and green. After a qu...

Ok, maybe it's obvious that I am licking my wounds, mending my heartache.  And I don't want you to be bored of my sad pathetic story... So let me divert myself to a new and better thing to tell...  It's Diary Time! When I came back onshore on Friday Morning, my 'brother' picked me up.  And almost immediately went back to sleep at his house, why?  I was so excited to go back home, that in that very morning, I woke up Sahur , and showered and packed, and waited for the Admin to page my name to standby for my flight.  I didn't sleep at all that night, as my mind was going through the problems and how I was to solve them.  So about 10a.m, I went to sleep, and woke up half hour to breaking of fast.   That night we shared stories and updates from each other, it was great to hang out with my 'brother' .  I also managed to fix his desktop PC, it was just a simple anti-virus update and the PC  was up and running.  We didn't sleep at all that night, we contin...

"Not As We" Reborn and shivering Spat out on new terrain Unsure unconvincing This faint and shaky hour Day one day one start over again Step one step one I'm barely making sense for now I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it From scratch begin again but this time I as i And not as we Gone shy and quivering Timid without a hand Feign brave with steel intent little and hardly here Day one day one start over again Step one step one with not much making sense just yet I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it From scratch begin again but this time I as i And not as we Eyes wet toward Wide open frayed If God's taking bets I pray He wants to lose Day one day one start over again Step one step one I'm barely making sense just yet I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it From scratch begin again but this time I as I And not as we

As everything in life goes, every beginning will have it's ending.  Life, relationships, friendships, etc...  It's hard to let go of things we care, and the more we love and care, it gets much more difficult.  So this is the hardship that I am bearing at the moment.  To say a final goodbye to dearest friends. Somethings are inevitable, unavoidable.  People change, situations change, circumstances change.  I admit that I have changed.  I wish I didn't, but I changed.  I feel like I should be sorry that I've changed, but I'm only changing for the better.   Goodbyes are hard, awkward and unspeakably painful.  No one likes goodbye, be it temporarily, be it forever, it's always difficult.  But I am grateful that my goodbye is not based on hatred, anger or vengeance.  It is more towards logical thinking of what is best of all parties.  I'm going to miss my friends.  Truly from the deepest of my heart, that I will miss the times together.  It hurts so bad.  But it ...

When I was busy looking the Enrique's - Do You Know (Ping Pong Song) , I found this song.  This song clearly is sung for me.  The lyrics touched me.  It reflects somehow on how I feel at the moment.  It is the second hit single for Enrique in his latest album 'Insomniac' .  It is a sad song, and with one look at the title of the song, it sounds angry.   Tired of Being Sorry .  But it isn't, in fact, it speaks of loneliness and the disappointment of being lonely.  Call me a sad sod for this kind of song, but I suppose recent personal experiences made me connect with the song. - Enrique Iglesias Lyrics Another song that touched me was also from his latest album 'Insomiac' .  Which there are times that I do suffer from.  The song is called Somebody's me .  Yes, again it's a sad song.  Well, I'm licking my 'wounds' at the moment.  So bear with me... - Enrique Iglesias Lyrics As I post this two songs, I wondered, if I am alone when it comes to r...

When I bought my new phone, SonyEricsson C902 , I got free music from DeeJay.  But I never had the time or bothered to listen to any of them.  So I went through the list, played this song from Enrique Iglesias.  I know, this is an old song, and yes, I'm a late bloomer, but boy oh boy, do I love listening to it.   But just in case, a stern warning about this song which can be easily misinterpreted by certain readers by the lyrics of this song, it has nothing whatsoever in the whole wide world connected to my personal life.  I just love this song, because it means something to me.  And most important of all, I love the song...  If anybody do not like the contents of this blog, by all means, exit... - Enrique Iglesias Lyrics So anyway, will update more, as I'm dying for a ciggy.  Be right back. Until then, take care, be safe, be kind and Adios...

Firstly, I apologise for my 'thoughts' .  But it's my blog, my thoughts, if anyone doesn't like it, feel free to exit.  I don't appreciate harsh remarks or feedbacks. So in a way to redeem myself to my readers, it's diary time! Today, as previously stated, I've just recovered from my flu.  I feel so much better, Alhamdulillah .  But today, ironically, I didn't fast.  I accidentally broke my fast because I lost control of myself.  I was in a way, 'insulted' , and I lost grip of reality and it was too much to bear.  I didn't expect this to happen, as it was merely a misunderstanding of no one's fault, but somehow or rather, it blew out of proportion and in the end, I was 'insulted' sort of... Enough about that, but I just continued my fast, when it comes to fasting, once you broke your fast and ate as usual, oh, it'll be hard to fast the next day.  But anyhow, I hope my fast didn't break.  I was so angry, it was fortunate t...

I must have taken 'the wrong' pill.  Everything, I say or do, is just wrong.  My thoughts?  They're wrong too.  Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Fucking Wrong! Don't ever listen to me. For the first time in the past days, I have been severely sick and now, I have recovered from my flu, but instead of feeling better, I feel bad, terrible, why?  Because I have been wronged!   I'm stumped.  I'm stunned!  I'm stuck. One thing I've learnt is that I can never satisfy no one.  Sometimes people just want more and more from you and then it's your fault.   Sigh!  I give up.  I've tried to be nice, wrong!  I've tried to be good, wrong again!  I've tried, wrong, I try again, wrong, I try harder, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!   Stupid Kellaz, wrong!  You can't do anything right! I'm ranting in randomness, thus, you're probably think that I've taken some kind of drugs or something.  I would have explained it, but due to it's sensitivity... I ...

Disclaimer: This is just a personal thought and has not in anyway resemble my personal experience There is one game couples play on each other.  It is not a nice game, it's main aim is to ensure that the other party feels worst that they did before, and feel bad about themselves. This commonly applies when couples argue.  And I hate it, from personal experience, I totally suck at it.   So how do you play this game.  There's two way, the first is to 'collect' all good deeds and during arguments, the other party will list out the things they have done for them.  Thus making you feel terrible.  An example, "When you were (insert bad condition of yourself) , I did (insert good deeds here) for you, and this is all the thanks I get?" . The other way is to remind the other party 'what have you done or have you ever thought about their feelings about ....'.  For example, one familiar statement which is usually uttered during an argument is, "Well, have ...

Sorry for the short hiatus.  I needed it.  Why?  I have not been well, I had a fever for the last few days, and only today, I'm feeling much better.  I have been sick, bed bound for almost three days.  I wanted to go back home, but that makes not much difference as I will have to drive myself back home, so I didn't want to do that.  I didn't want to break my fasting days, so I've decided to stay put.   Secondly, the internet connection here sucks really really bad.  I kept getting disconnected if not 'the server is not responding' , it just puts me off to get online, it's frustrating. So I'm fine now.  Almost.  So there's nothing much to update.  My roommates were worried, some even told me not to fast.  But hey, I'm almost fine now, I'm still feverish and feeling chilly, but at least no headaches or puking.  So until then, you all, take care, be safe and Adios... Oh by the way, bon voyage to Aidee , he's left us today, and will be flyin...

Hiatus for a couple of days.   Take care, be safe, be kind, happy fasting and Adios...

I've contracted a diseases called Malas . I'm feeling so lazy recently.  I have not been running much since the absence of my iPod .  Somehow my 'energy' comes from it.  So tomorrow onwards, I should be back to my 3-1-3-1 running-rest routine.   Without it, I get tired a little sooner than usual.  At about, half way my run, I'm already exhausted.  But with the iPod and especially with my Shure headphones, I run at 8 kms, fast pace, no problem.  I need it so bad, but at the same time, I don't want to trouble people to send my iPod , at least 5 change of hands will be made until it finally came to my arrives offshore.  It's such a hassle.  And not just that, I'll be making people run errands unnecessarily.  I mean, people are busy, they have their life to live, their wonderful life onshore.  Don't mind silly forgetful me offshore... So what did I do today, I watched a DVD "Bad Money" and a movie "Disturbia" .  Oh, I think I'...

I'm addicted to playing snooker. I have been playing snooker for the past three nights.  Only today I sucked at it, I didn't win, although the last game I played with two trainees, I came second place twice. There's nothing much to write this time around.  Only about playing snooker and how I wanted to be good at it.  For the last two months I have resisted playing and only stood aside watching people playing, but the last few nights, I played and loving it.  I suppose I have some sort of ability to play snooker.  By saying this, I'm not saying that I'm amazingly good at it, but for a person who had just held a cue, I must say, I'm not that bad at it.  I suppose I just need  more practice with the balls and cue, techniques and such.   I told a friend that I might have a gift for it.  Some people have the ability to play music instruments without even learning to play.  They just pick it up and played with it, and before you know it, they could already play curre...

Last night I couldn't sleep.  My head was spinning, I wanted to go down to the mess room to get some water, but since it was raining, I just couldn't be bothered, the water was to help get my ibuprofen pills down.  I could feel it, I was about to go down with a flu. So since I didn't sleep at all, I woke in time for Sahur .  I woke up my roommate, our Senior Inspector, Saleh and walked down the corridor to wake up Aidee who was a little startle that I was the on who woke him up instead. Had Sahur , down with the ibuprofen.  Then, I finally could sleep but our room turned into an office by day, and was quite busy, so I hardly catch much rest.  The weather sucks today, it's been raining, on and off, but when it rained, it rained hard.  I woke quite early but didn't get out of bed.  I stayed in my bed whilst I kept track of what was going on in the 'office'.  I finally got up, showered and sign about almost 30 documents that needs verification from my part.  ...

As the title of this post, this will be a long post.  So be prepared to be bored of useless information of my rants and thoughts.  Which includes my daily diary moments. Firstly, my trip onshore for the day.  I arrived about on time and my 'brother' was already there to pick me up.  He drove me to his house and gave my car keys back to me (I left my car at his home) .  I went to the office and talked and laughed with my colleagues.  One colleague, however, was particularly rude to me.  I don't know what was the matter but he was quite rude.  But since I was fasting, I didn't want to react with his harsh behaviour.  I met with my back-to-back.  He's a nice filipino guy, Jose .  I updated him with things going on onshore, and the things to be expected of him.  We also discussed about our back-to-back situation and rota.  He was a little blur about it.  So I asked him when he wanted to take leave and such, I told him also that I don't want to spend Eid (Hari Raya ...

Tomorrow I will be day tripping onshore.  To attend an unconfirmed meeting. So after Sahur this morning, I will just prepare myself ready for my flight back onshore, the standby time is at 0545 hrs.  I don't know how the meeting will go and take on, but it's to prepare my new replacement offshore.  According to my onshore boss, he said that he'll be my back-to-back and my day off will be in the office, I suppose that's fair enough but I just hope that I get at least a day or two real off days to recover my time offshore.   So tomorrow will be the eventual decision of how my rota will look like.  I have a mixed feeling about it.  I don't like being in the office, I suppose I still am emotionally scarred by how my office mates perceive me as the slacker.  However, I'm doing my best offshore to prove that I am not.  If anybody understands me, I was just going through a really bad patch during the first few months of the year.  And consequently, I gave up on my wor...

There's nothing much in particular to update, and that is why I have been updating less of the blog.  Life's seems to be at ease here, and I'm getting well used to it.  It is fun being here.  Nevertheless, let me take this opportunity to say Happy Fasting to my fellow readers. Or appropriately " Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa" to all of my readers.  As you all know, today is the first day of fasting.  But the night before that, for the first time, I ran without my iPod .  I've ran without it before, when I forgotten to recharge my iPod , and when the earphones decided to not work.  But this time, I've forgotten my iPod .  I've asked a friend to pass it over to my ' brother' Sulaiman , so that he could send it to me, but that didn't materialise.  So I'd just have to make do with what I have.  Which is the gym music.  I'm going to snoop over to the gym one night and look for the dangdut CD and get rid of it.  I know that's selfi...