Getting Bad at Updating

There's nothing much in particular to update, and that is why I have been updating less of the blog.  Life's seems to be at ease here, and I'm getting well used to it.  It is fun being here.  Nevertheless, let me take this opportunity to say Happy Fasting to my fellow readers.

Or appropriately "Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa" to all of my readers.  As you all know, today is the first day of fasting.  But the night before that, for the first time, I ran without my iPod.  I've ran without it before, when I forgotten to recharge my iPod, and when the earphones decided to not work.  But this time, I've forgotten my iPod.  I've asked a friend to pass it over to my 'brother' Sulaiman, so that he could send it to me, but that didn't materialise.  So I'd just have to make do with what I have.  Which is the gym music.  I'm going to snoop over to the gym one night and look for the dangdut CD and get rid of it.  I know that's selfish of me, but actually I don't mind listening to dangdut, but not when I am on the run i.e. treadmill.

Yesterday, I ran about 11.9 kms.  I don't have the timing, as I was a little frustrated being without my iPod.  And I didn't even use my heart rate monitor.  I suppose I can run a wee faster now, I just found out that running constant at high rate is not the best way, I'd have to run-jog-run-jog... the jog will be a fast rate jog.  Then I will reach my goal much faster.

Today, is the first time I fast offshore.  Ever.  And when I was breaking fast this evening, somehow my emotions got over me.  I almost cried but I tried my best not to.  I don't know why, but my mind was imagining my family.  Eating with them on the first day of fasting month.  I know that the first break of fast, all my brothers and sisters will come home and break fast together at my parents.  And all of the sudden I feel sad that I wasn't there.  I have not been home for more than a year, I mean staying there, but I do visit my dad once in a blue moon.  And I've been missing from breaking the first day of fast together for more than a couple of years.  But somehow today, the nostalgia just hit me and I wanted to cry.  I was imagining other families, eating happily with their own families, enjoying the food and company.  I was imagining a lot of happy things that I didn't get to enjoy, but I held back my tears and just try my best to enjoy the food. 

Besides, I'm eating with about a hundred people who are not breaking their fast among their families.  So I don't feel alone about it.  But I feel sad that I don't get to enjoy the things many people enjoy and probably took for granted until one day, it's gone.   My 'brother' and I was on MSN last night discussing about Eid/Hari Raya AidilFitri.  I told him that I fear that I would be onshore on the first day of Eid.  Because I will definitely feel lonely.  I can't go out of the country because I'm broke, and I would have to miss training.  So, I really hope that I will be offshore during Hari Raya.  My 'brother' asked me why.  I told him, I don't have a family to celebrate it with.  I do, but I wish not to.  

My family, in summary, don't care about me.  I know this much, they would rather not see my face on Eid.  If they do care, they would have already asked me if I am coming back home for Eid or not.  But they didn't.  I didn't come back home for almost a year, no one asked me to come back.  So I know my place.  My 'brother' although not my flesh and blood, is part of my family.  He said that they're there if I need them.  But it's just not the same.  You know what I mean right?

Gawd, this is such a sad post.  I feel sad.  I feel sad about myself.  So anyhow, I'd just have to accept what I have and be happy with what I have.  This is what I hate about festive season, it makes me feel lonely than I already am.  This year especially will be a lonely affair.  I have no one to celebrate it with...  There are some people who would love my presence to celebrate Eid with...  But somehow, it's not the same.  But most important of all, don't pity me, I'm fine as fine can be.  So don't worry.  I'll be fine....  Until then guys, you all take care, be safe, happy fasting and Adios!

Note:  I took picture of the New Ramadhan Moon, it's spectacular, but I didn't have a tripod with me so it shook a little, nevertheless will upload it soon to share...