A Family Reunion?

Some avid readers might have read about my family situation.  In short, I don't get along well with my parents and (some of) siblings.  I'm done about caring and loving them.  They just break my heart over and over again.  I suppose that is what families does.  To break you heart repetitively.  But in my case, my heart was torn apart, spat, squashed, blended into molecular tiny fragments.  So I drew the line.  And that is where I stopped.

From my previous post, about my 'revelation', this particular 'critique' had said that, perhaps my unsolved issues with my family had made me into this nasty person, and the same thing happened in the morning, when another friend sort of repeated what my 'critique' had said...  Perhaps.  Perhaps it's true, perhaps it is not.  Yesterday, out of the blue, my brother called me, I didn't answer because I've left my mobile phone in my room.  Cut to the chase, my brother needs help with booking themselves tickets to Bangkok in December.  My brother is a non-believer of credit cards.  He believes in cold hard cash.  So he pays me, put it into my account and I usually bought the tickets online using my credit cards.  So anyway, today, we planned a few things, that is to go to a particular travel agent, to see if was any cheaper (FYI, yes it is cheaper to go via agents, beats me why?), and to break fast together.  

I picked my brother from Kiulap, as they were there running their own errands at 3.30p.m.  We went to the agent, and we broke fast together.  It was particularly nice to hangout with my brother again, we spent from break of fast till 10p.m just talking non-stop about the family and updates from each other.  It was ironic that given the situation, that he is much closer to my family, he doesn't know why I reacted the way I did or do, and he didn't know the issues that revolves around them.  It was frustrating, at times, I feel like I wanted to cry.  I also confessed to him that I nearly committed suicide because of my family.  And HE LAUGHED at me!!!  Somehow, I did too...  It was silly.  I think I've seen the funny side of it.

My brother (wife and his family) and I have no grudge or issues or problems, he's the kind of guy who stays out of any problems, and keeping things to himself and not get involved into the vicious spiral that my family revolves in.  But now he worries a little about my family's situation, things are getting pretty much out of hand, but most important of all, it's out of my hand.  I chose to look the other way.  Remember, I drew the line.  That's it for me.  Enough heartache for my heart to bear.

My brother gave me some advices, almost identical to the advice given by my critique and another good friend.  That is to come back.  Home.  Because not all of the member of the family is guilty of their own problem making, and I'm not the only one who is the victim.  So perhaps this year, I will try to make some (and by 'some' means a tiny, small, minute) effort to 'care'.  Just a small effort, not even small, it's an atom size effort, if I could describe it as.  

Tomorrow, my brother-in-law, Wat (that's his name), will be treating me sungkai (break of fast) at a restaurant, together, as a 'family'.  Everyone will be there.  He's doing this because of me, I don't know why, but that's what he told me.  I've booked a place as he asked me to do.  And I don't know how things are going to be.  On my side, if I could say one thing, it will be utterly awkward.  This little tiny effort is really a huge one for me.  Sigh!  So we'll see how that will be tomorrow.   So please pray and wish me luck.  

Tonight, I had a lot of fun with Q', Aliff and Addy.  We went out today for particularly nothing, and it felt great.  In my great dismay of leaving my old friends, somehow, I've gain new ones.  I'm hoping that these guys stay.  Even if this sounds desperate.  I need them.  In my life.  Otherwise I'll be empty like a... empty can?  Something empty, with void.  I'm happy to be on my own, but I'm happier with more friends.  Especially new ones.  I am hoping, that I'll be able to join them when I come back onshore next time.  They are really funny, they love to argue, or tease each other...  And never a dull moment with them.  And best of all, these guys are not only cool in my standard, but also very humble.  Ok, ok, I'm desperate, so kill me already!!  But my words are honest words.

So that's about it, got (oh it's 6a.m. already!)  So it's not tomorrow, the 'family' reunion is today!!  Oh boy oh boy!!!  Until then, take care, be safe, be kind, happy fasting and Adios!!!