Emotional Blackmail
Disclaimer: This is just a personal thought and has not in anyway resemble my personal experience
This commonly applies when couples argue. And I hate it, from personal experience, I totally suck at it.
So how do you play this game. There's two way, the first is to 'collect' all good deeds and during arguments, the other party will list out the things they have done for them. Thus making you feel terrible. An example, "When you were (insert bad condition of yourself), I did (insert good deeds here) for you, and this is all the thanks I get?".
The other way is to remind the other party 'what have you done or have you ever thought about their feelings about ....'. For example, one familiar statement which is usually uttered during an argument is, "Well, have you thought (what I went through or) about my feelings about ... etc, etc...".
Another word for this game is 'rub it in' game. This ensures that the other party feels so terrible, that they feel they are not worth living. Scum of all scum, so to speak.
That is why sometimes I hate to depend on others. Depending on others means, a debt of good deeds to be listed out in the future. And when things go wrong, one would just rub it all in your face for you to fall flat on the dirt where you belong. I for one, am the type of person who just let it go. If it was a simple misunderstanding, so I let it go, sorry uttered, admit defeat and move on, next. But some people just wouldn't let it go.
From a book I've read, this reaction is to justify one's worth of importance in the relationship. In other words, the ego. It needs, it wants to be appreciated, wants to be recognised, wants to dwell into the awe of winning an argument. Wants to feel superior about themselves. To a point where the ego is bigger than the relationship, and forgot who they are winning against. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that you have to endure as a doormat for others to walk all over. But, to really think of it, if one walks all over you, does it makes you less of a person? In fact, if we think about it again, it makes you more of a person to not react and let it go? Right? An inert self-respect of yourself, to walk away from a simple misunderstanding or an insult. But I suppose, not many people can do that, to just walk away, and leaving it as it is, and move on, to better things.
So anyway, to couples out there, don't get too involved in your feelings and your thought. Remember, when you argue, the person you argue with is or was the person you love. So think about it, is it really worth the fight/argue?
So until then, thoughts of tonight, take care, be safe and Adios!
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