Kellaz, A Journal

I got tagged... Here are the rules - post this list on your profile replacing my answers with yours. Tag 25 people to do the same thing. Don't forget to tag me back! If I tagged YOU, it's because I want to know more about YOU! 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, apparently of a saxophone player famous at that time 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Don't wanna talk about that... It doesn't deserve a mention anymore 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Hell no. 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Lunch meat? What does that suppose to mean... I eat meat all the time! LOL 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None that I know of... LOL 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Nope, because he's an asshole! LOL... 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? It's an art.... of course... 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Last time I've checked... Yes 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, without the cord, yes... 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Weetabix! 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES ...

As the result of my poll vote, majority of my reader "likes" my colour scheme.  Which is not enough for my readers.  I want them to love my blog... LOL...   So I am still surfing around to look for a template for my blog, something that makes my readers go WOW!  LOL...  So pending on my internet blog template search, this blog will be under continuous improvement soon.  But don't worry, it'll still be here and updated as and when I am free.  Today, is MY belated Silver Jubilee National Day celebration, so I am on a day off work.  I woke up pretty early, at about 9a.m.  And it has been quite a busy day indeed.   First off, to have lunch with my insurance agent, I was in late payment for the past four months and she came to collect the money.  I already had the intention of paying but you know, once you got off the next month, to delay it another month...  Basically, I was procrastinating.  I had to go to Bandar, to pay direct to the office cashier.  Then a second lunch...

I was almost six.  I remembered it although vaguely.  I watched it on TV with my family, and that particular night, everyone in my family slept late.  I remember this event well, because it was late, my parents didn't mind that we were still up, there were people outside like it was not midnight.  That day was the New Year of 1984.   I wondered why 23rd February was picked as the Brunei's National Day, the answer is that it coincides with the Late Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddien , His Majesty's Father, the 28th Sultan of Brunei.  I guess, this is the time when people are now proud to be Bruneians, for the country itself.  But then somewhere along the line, patriotism is lost.  People start to be selfish and ignorant.  It's human nature, it's no one's fault.  I guess, everyday routine can consume someone into their somewhat narrow minded world.  Don't we just wish that this 'togetherness' that we are embracing kept on burning in our hearts every single da...

One day left and I will be home bound soon.  I can't wait. At this moment, I am not proud of myself, I am angry with myself, I am ashamed of myself and  I hate myself for doing it.  I have just scolded a man almost twice my age with decades of offshore experience. But in a way, it had to be done.  This work related problem that I was having for the past few week was caused by improper planning after firm and clear instruction were issued.  Also, cases of wrong reporting caused a lot of problem on my half.  It's just so complicated but in all, I tried my best to be professional and kept being factual, highlighting the issues only.  It was hard but it had to be done.   But personally, I'm sad that I had to do that.  Even professionally I have to do it.  But I hope the outcome is going to be good.  I will try to be supportive and kept encouraging the team.  It is a tough place to be in, trying to be nice but firm, to satisfy two group of people at the same time, and keeping ev...

I was quite busy for the past few days that I fail to notice the date yesterday.  Yesterday was my 8th Working Anniversary.   I have been working in this company for eight years.  Another two more years, insyaallah, it will be a decade.  It has been quite a ride.  Somehow I felt like it was only a few years when I signed the contract with the HR.  I can still remember how naive I was back then.  I immediately made friends with my colleagues, and the first who I knew that had welcomed me was Azizan , who is now a colleague in my current department and Nana , at that time they were both in the same department, which is different from mine but it just so happen that our departments were next to each other. When I arrived to the office on my first day, everything was all jumbled up, it looks chaotic.  They were having an office move.  Not long after that, I understand that the company was going through some kind of re-structuring.  Previously the organisation was more of a  functional stru...

Here are two pictures from my past.  Can you spot me?  I can't even spot myself in the picture when I was in kindergarden in 1982.  Why have I decided to put this picture is beyond me...  I got this picture off from facebook, I got these picture tagged on me by my classmate.  I went to St. George's School up till Form One.  I transfer to Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin (SOAS) College in Form Two, to make my dad's driving life easier.   My two older brother was studying there and my dad thinks it is wise for me to join them instead.  During that time, my mum decided to build a house in the Tutong District.  A year later, we moved to Tutong, and I got transferred to Muda Hashim Secondary School.  I stayed there until my O'Levels.  And till now remain as the best memories in my life.   The second picture, if I am not mistaken was when I was in Primary Six.  See anyone you know?  LOL...  Just in case you are wondering where am I?  I am on the last row, forth from left.  Short and...

I'm sad. My trusty iPod Nano is broken.  I have already bought a new one online.  My iPod Nano is the only thing I use that was gift by my ex for Valentine's/Birthday present and it's a reminder of the good times we had together.  It still works, but the dial doesn't work at all, so I can't play it, can't do anything with it...  It started not working about a few days ago.  I have been using Aiedee's iPod nano to run with.   The other thing that I used to have on was a lava lamp which was a gift from my ex.  But the night when we broke up, the bulb blew and it's in a box now, somewhere, unused.  It's quite a sad story isn't it?  It was like a sign or something.  The iPod Nano meant a lot to me, and it saddens me more to think about throwing it out.  The ear piece has long been broken, replaced a new one, and now I have my orgasmic ear piece to use...  And now even the iPod is gone... Oh, I'm depressed now.  I suppose it wasn't so much tha...

Life has been pretty much routine and without much significance at the current moment. It's waking up, work, lunch, work, run and sleep.  I'm not complaining that it is routine, it's okay, I guess.  I suppose I am in my reality phase.  So I'm just going with the flow.  Oh by the way, my running has improved, I could run 9km/h for half hour non-stop.  My chest seems firmer after doing weights.  And my weight has gone down 3 kilos from when I started to a nice 75 kgs.   Although I must admit I have been having difficulties sleeping.  It's not that I couldn't sleep, as I was sleepy and tired at most nights, but I find myself tossing and turning.  My best guess is my bed is not comfortable and with squarish pillows just don't do the job properly.  I miss my queen size bed and fluffy pillows at home.  In fact, I miss my nephews at home, and my brother with his wife.  For some unknown and weird reason, I find myself missing home more on this shift offshore.  I jus...

During lunch today, I spent the hour watching a movie on my laptop.  It's called  Passengers .  Starring Anne Hathaway and Patrick Wilson. It has been a while since I last watch a movie that made me cry.  This movie just hit me right there.  I'm not a guy who easily cries watching a movie, but the ending was so moving, I found my eyes had gone teary.  There's a reason to it, but I won't spoil it to you, just in case you guys are going to watch it.   One of the dialogue that hits me right spot on, was this, "You know what's scary about commitment?  Your life becomes real.  Not a plan or what you had hoped for.  Real."  It is true.  Commitment makes us real.  Not that it's wrong or bad about it, it's just life becomes real.  I suppose, I'm not ready for realism.  I'm not actually saying without commitment life becomes a fantasy either.  Perhaps, it's less real.  And that is why I'm scared of it...  It's funny (not ha-ha funny), t...

In the midst of two men snoring, I write this after watching the second half of Ip Man, Bolt (a computer generated animation) and The Duchess . I'm quite sleepy as it is, but I guess, I can spare a little time to write something.  Today's Valentine's Day, and love is abundant for most couples.  I for one, am not celebrating it, not because of the absence of another half, but I celebrate love every single day.  Single being the operative word here.  I love myself, well, I didn't realised it before, but I do now.  I am not in love with myself.  Notice the distinct difference.  I love the people who touched my life, I love the mistakes that I made, I love the joy that I touched and touched-by.  I love life.   Love life.  I know this world is not eternal, and it's just temporary.  But bear in mind, I love life as it is, not in love with life.  Life as the essence can be quite easily ignored.  Life in the essence can be easily taken for granted.   Close your eyes, breat...

Despite my aching body, work seems to be endless.  I think I've reduced the amount of shit that hits the fan.   We're almost in control of the job, slowly and surely, I'm confident that we will keep up with the planned progress for the next week ahead.  I'm getting way too good for this job, LOL, but it's all the nitty-gritty and loose ends that just needs tidying up.  That's all. Recently a friend is going through some changes.  I guess it's all part of human nature to change, just as a caterpillar to butterfly.  We move on to better things, when things get a little to stagnant.  And there are times when we are forced to move on to different things, even when better things are right dead in front of us.  It all comes down to the choices that we make.  How easy it is for us to move out from our own comfort zone.  It all comes down to the matters of the heart.  How open it is to the changes.  Thinking rationally about our changes helps.  It separates and simp...

It is amazing what the power of Facebook can bring to you. From  Facebook , adds upon other adds of friends, my past caught up with me and I got to contact one old schoolmates after another and then another.  My childhood memories seems so long ago and forgotten that I even fail to recognise my own face when I was a child in one of the picture.  But anyway, it was so nice to see them again, even though just in pictures.   Most of them are married with children, which made me think that I am coming close to my eligible expiration date... LOL, otherwise, I'd be this single old man, living in an empty dusty house with lots of junk, and found dead after 3 days or something like that... Which might happen, who knows?   But most noticeable of all, most of the girl schoolmates I went with, they are GORGEOUS!!  They've blossomed into this absolutely stunning women (and mostly married! Sigh!)  When we were at school I guess, everyone seems geeky and nerdy.  But I'm stunned!  They ...

My body is in pain. Last night, was the first time I ran to gain my fitness back again.  And it has been more than two months since I last ran.  And my body is aching everywhere.  I suppose this is good.  I guess muscle cells are building all around me.  I spent more than an hour in the gym, 40 minutes running with a steady pace of 8 km/h.  And I spent another half an hour concentrating on the upper body workout.   Tonight I will do the same.  I know I will be dragging my feet to the gym, but this is something that must be done.  I have to, if I am going to wear 80% of my clothes again.  I'm planning to not go skinny, but muscular fit this time.  I always wonder how I look like with muscles...  I do have them but right now, its hiding under a thick layer of fat.  I'm seeing some results though, small results, but not bad for my first time training.  I am still eyeing for a marathon to run sometime by the end of this year.  I don't think I can manage anytime soon. Another go...

I have just realised that I have already written 366 post in this blog and this would be 367th post.  So it takes more than a year to write 365 post given if I wanted to write a blog post per day.   It's funny that this blog started as a serious journal, then somewhere along... it changes it's course.  But I like my blog, it's more of an info-share channel for some of us.  I tell (almost) everything in blog, even those thoughts deep inside my heart and head.  Some think it's pathetic, symbolic or interesting.  Yeah, there are many 'diary' moments in it... e.g. I took a shower, got ready... bla bla bla... which most of the time people doesn't give a damn.  But I still enjoy writing my post. I'm not looking for fame or sympathy from my posts.  I suppose, I want people to learn from my mistakes, or better still challenge me for my own thoughts, so we all can be a better person because of it.  A way to learn and discover ourselves, beyond our thoughts, beyon...

Yup, working again... Offshore... A lot of things have been happening throughout the week that I fail to mention that I am going offshore.  Life has been quite good and quiet at times, but nevertheless having a great time by myself (no, not that kind of time!).  There are many times that I find myself alone and truly appreciating it.  I guess, I am a loner.  But it's cool to be one.  As Savage Garden's Affirmations goes "I believe I'm loved when completely by myself alone".  Hard to believe and achieve but so very true. When you're by yourself alone (bear in mind, it's not lonely - as that is only a state of mind) you get to appreciate things, and observe things more clearly without the distraction of a friend or someone.  We notice things more and there are many times that it comes to mind and analyse people's behaviour, without the sense of judgement, of course.  It is more an observation to understand, and not to judge. Recently, I wrote a lengthy c...

Bad bad boy.  That's what we have been doing, It has been a wonderful, wonderful night.  I love a night like this.  It is absolutely wonderful. Life is great, life is wonderful and freakingly evil.  And bad.  I want people to feel this love of life, this wonderful life that we are living in, it is just so wonderful.  Although I will hate myself by tomorrow.  But life is such a vibrant and wonderful journey.  It's freaking fabulous.  It is just so nice to be up and living. Open you eyes.  It is just way to wonderful to spend in pain or suffering.   Remember it is just in your mind, this pain and all the hurt in your heart.  We make it what it is.  When actually  you are you, no more and no less.  And you are wonderful.  I wish everyday is like this.  Or this bad.  I love to live and if I die right now.  I won't regret it one bit.  It is just so nice, just you and a fantastic friend.   I wouldn't want this any other way.  This is great and wonderful...  Until then please ...

Most of my friends that I know are sick.  I am not exempted.  I felt feverish since last night and by morning, my body was aching.  But now I'm almost good as new. I ate some panadol last night, and when I woke up this morning, I had some more.  And by 3 p.m. I was feeling okay.  I went out to continue shopping for the gift.  I finally had to fork out some money because I could find a decent gift that costs about $25.  Everything seems to be quite expensive, about $40 above.  I thought of buying something cheap, but as all cheap things goes...  It looks cheap.  And I don't want to give a gift that obviously looks cheap.  Why?  I can't disclose this information yet.  Maybe tomorrow. After shopping, I went to grab some food and stopped at my favourite restaurant in Jerudong .  I sat there eating and online for about 3 hours and I came home.  When I arrived, my brother invited me for dinner, so I ate again.  I'm so weak when it comes to saying no to food.  We drove around ...

I went back home pretty early today.  I had an errand to do. I am not quite sure if I should tell you what exactly my errand is, and it is relatively an office matter, but since I am commuter to Bandar i.e. the city, my colleagues have told me to shop for another colleague for a certain occasion. By 5p.m, I was already at The Mall , on a shopping mission.  The thing I had to shop for is basically a gift.  But I won't dwell much into that.  So anyway, if any of my readers know me, you could have seen me walking by myself shopping, well, at least trying to shop.  But the thing I wanted to get was not available.  I left The Mall empty handed, and went to Athirah Building.  I found some gifts but I wasn't quite sure of my purchase.  Feeling silly that I left Athirah Building empty handed again, I called up my brother, and my brother volunteered to help me find a gift.  I picked my brother up at home. We drove around, to no avail.  But then again, this time my brother brought me...

I'm having a bad withdrawal syndrome.  Reality is too boring for me.  But I'm bearing well with it at the same time. Work was uneventful.  But I was particularly busy, and I have no clue whatsoever I was doing.  All I remember I was running up and down, checking my emails, replying emails, downloading reports from SAP and pretty much routine and well... boring. So as the title goes, yeah, I miss Bangkok at the moment.  But life's kindda relaxing in a way, except for the commuting, it wasn't that commuting to work that bothers me as much, it is the return home, particularly today.  A freak accident involving a trailer cause the Mumong bypass to close and everybody were being re-routed to the main road.  Worst still, the god-knows-when-it-will-complete bridge is still under construction, all vehicles were bottle-necked into one small road.  I gave up, when I drove only for a few measly hundred meters for half an hour.  I turned back and went to my brother's place, S...

After a while being offshore, then a quick getaway to Bangkok, it is time to be back in the office. It feels weird to be in the office again, and I just can't stand the boredom. Of course, those seated nearer to me suffers the most. I have been bugging them and teasing them to keep myself occupied. I am writing this 4 minutes after 4pm. I don't miss the office, I miss my colleagues, but somehow after being so long offshore, the office seemed foreign to me for some weird reason. And the work, I found myself whining to myself that this isn't my job to do, when in fact it is... I suppose, I don't identify with my office job as I used to. I used to be really good and efficient with doing the planning work, but after a while, my skills have gone rusty, I have even gone rusty on the SAP i.e. a very unfriendly system that we tolerate and now have a greater tolerence with. I am actually writing this the next day at work, I came home exhausted last night, I fell asleep when I ar...

We don't have to be real to live in the real world.  Realism ruins the way we run our life.   There are times we break out of it all, and just enjoy life the way it is.  Consume life the way life should be enjoyed.  I'm happy right now.  Things just don't get better than this.  Even in this wonderful real world that we live in, I feel so free and nice and beautiful. Life is way to precious for us to keep it real.  There are so many ways for us to spice up our world.  Life's good...  Absolutely good, even when it doesn't.  It's just great to be alive.  I love everybody right now, even if you hate me,  I love you from the deepest depth of my heart. It is so nice to be me right now.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am saying this not to show off, but to share this beautiful feeling I am having right now, I am sharing this with you.  And I hope you life can be as beautiful and wonderful as it is right now.  You, yeah you reading this, I hope life treats you...