A Year's Post

I have just realised that I have already written 366 post in this blog and this would be 367th post.  So it takes more than a year to write 365 post given if I wanted to write a blog post per day.  

It's funny that this blog started as a serious journal, then somewhere along... it changes it's course.  But I like my blog, it's more of an info-share channel for some of us.  I tell (almost) everything in blog, even those thoughts deep inside my heart and head.  Some think it's pathetic, symbolic or interesting.  Yeah, there are many 'diary' moments in it... e.g. I took a shower, got ready... bla bla bla... which most of the time people doesn't give a damn.  But I still enjoy writing my post.

I'm not looking for fame or sympathy from my posts.  I suppose, I want people to learn from my mistakes, or better still challenge me for my own thoughts, so we all can be a better person because of it.  A way to learn and discover ourselves, beyond our thoughts, beyond taboos.  There are things we prefer not to say, but that doesn't mean the issues doesn't exist.  I really do appreciate comments from my readers, it is always like opening a present when I get to moderate a comment.  99% of the comments are approved, where as 1% of got rejected, because some were personal attacks from relevant parties.  Which is understandable why some would do so.  

If I can trace back to the beginning of this blog, I remembered how naive or curious I was and now, I think I am a better person because of it.  We don't stop being a better person, it's that rule of Kaizen, which the Japanese believe, that we don't improve to a certain point, we improve and improve, after we achieve one improvement, we improve again, we seek to find the betterment of our own self.  

Talking about looking back or reminiscing, an old classmate from primary school added me in Facebook, and from then onwards I found most of my old classmates.  And one comment that I got was "Your humour haven't changed a bit".  I get that a lot, not just my humour, but my personality.  I always take them as a compliment but there are times when I ask myself  was that a sarcastic remark?  Most of my old friends says things like "You haven't changed since ......", and there are times, that remark always makes me wonder.  

Babe, a college friend of mine whom I also discover from facebook, told me that back then I was "famous" and "well-known" in college.  I never knew that.  I was so busy having so much fun, that kind of stuff didn't occur to me at all.  I never did wanted to be famous or known, I was just this fat and dark kid who just wanted to have lots of fun by doing lots of things.  And that was basically it.  Looking back at the college days, I was not famous or known.  I was just being me, pathetic, fat and dark me.  I even had curly hairs back then, oily patches on my face, acne everywhere, fat (I think I've mention that) and if I were anything, I would call myself obnoxious and annoying!  But I'm glad that (I hope) I wasn't that.

I'm recently very happy for a friend for his new found love.  I am happy because he deserves it.  Love however abundant, can be difficult to find.  If it is, that, love is easy to get, but it like a machine, to keep it up and running can be quite a arduous task.  It takes a lot of guts and perseverance.  And in the end it is all so worth it.  Yeah, we won't know what the future holds, if it ever going to last.  But it's all about the journey.  I would know.  Ohh, I'm getting goosebumps already, remembering my love journey.  Good goosebumps, that is.  Not the eerie kind.  There will be dramas, fights and make-ups, for sure.  And all of that, is good.  It's all good.  I envy him, not because I want to be in love too, but I sure do miss the high of loving someone and being loved back.  But at the same time, I'm happy and content to be on my own at this point in time.  I suppose, I need the time to be by myself...  In other words, having a commitment break time.  

I thought about stopping here for a while, when my fingers punch the media player and D'Massiv (an indonesian band) plays.  If you're a fan of indonesian bands (singing malay-indonesian songs), you won't go wrong with this band.  I love the album.  I can't help but identifying with the songs.  Songs like 'Cinta ini Membunuhku' (translation: 'This Love Is Killing me') and 'Diantara Kalian' (translation: "Amongst you").  'Diantara Kalian' is exactly what happened to me on my second relationship.  'Dan Kamu' (translation: 'And You') and 'Aku Percaya Kamu' (translation: I Believe You) reminds me of my first relationship.  It opens all memories, all good and bad.  I think the song writer that produce this album is writing my love stories.  But all of that is all in the past.  I know we shouldn't dwell on the past, but it's not wrong to reminisce the good times I had, even some of them are painful.  Like I always say "It's all good, it's Gh-ooood".  

Until then... I'm off for a quick nap... take care and Ciao.