3, 2, 1

I do apologise for my lack of updates, for some weird reason, the internet connection is totally and utterly in shambles.  I have been trying to log in my hotmail, facebook and blogger to no avail.  Apparently an old friend that everyone's going through the same thing.  Well, when is Brunet's gonna improve?  

But anyway, finally now, at half past 1am, I finally could log in into blogger.  Hotmail and Facebook still in question.  I am still recounting my days, I have a couple of days left starting tomorrow.  I'm ever so gagging to go home.  I'm sick and tired of being offshore and working, whilst the rest of the world has their weekends and holidays, and I will still be here.  

Oh what is the deal with 3, 2 and 1?  I have been spending my time watching Heroes, Gossip Girl and 90210 Season 3, 2 and 1 respectively.  I've finished watching Heroes and Gossip Girl but I'm 80% finishing 90210.  Heroes, pretty cool and the new characters showing up in Heroes this seasons are really cool.  Once I slept at 5am, because every end of episodes makes you wanna see the next one.  I had to stop by stopping midway of one episode.  I can't wait for the next season of Heroes.  

Gossip Girl.  Well, a friend once commented that this series and the actors are kindda lame.  Well it is, and that's why it was so popular.  I identify with Serena and Dan in the story line, it has some similarity of my own relationship. 

90210.  Also a little fake, but there are full of hot casts.  Well, yeah, I'm vain.  Why didn't I my school were any close as cool as that.  I suppose people my age identify (what's with me and the word "identify" eh?) with 90210 because we grew up with that series.  And it reminds me of the old cast of 90210, and that was why I watch it.  Nothing much to say about 90210, it's about guys and gals in high school.  So it wasn't much of a mystery.  I suppose one way or another, everyone went through the same phase.

But one thing that crossed my mind while watching Gossip Girl and 90210.  It is that love and emotions are such a complicated matter.  Every episode had some similarity of collision of the rational and logical head and the love, the lies, the heart break, the.... I'm running out of words.  Why does love is such a simple emotion yet so complex.  When everything that doesn't make sense feel so right and what does makes sense feel so wrong.  Expectations and disappointments are measure by each and everyone of us.  Ok, I'm rambling now...  I even don't understand what I just wrote.  

Honestly, when I watch these kind of series, it does mess up my head.  Because I see myself in it.  I see me lying or cheating, loving or caring, laughing and crying.  And it makes me wonder if my new relationship will be ever full of all of that, I've changed, I know I've changed to a better person.  I feel it in me.  But what if the chance were never given to me.  How would I prove it, and to whom should I prove it to?  To myself or to others?  And what if I fail miserably?  Does that mean I haven't change?  Or was it just a minor setback?

Like the Five for Fighting song 'Superman' goes...  It's hard to be me.  And I'm afraid more than anything else.  Afraid of a lot of things, the future, my own feelings, my new relationship, even my past.  There are things that I did in my past that I'm not proud of, and I'm afraid if it's ever going to bite me back, I'm afraid of the future because there's so much uncertainty there, then again, who wouldn't be afraid of the future.  I'm afraid of my feelings and my new relationship because I am so afraid of letting people down.  Like I did with my last relationship.  

Nothing in life is a cruise.  I know that somehow hardship in life is a teaching force to make us stronger than we were once before.  But the hardship and heartache...  Oh the thought of it, sends chills to me.  It's a scary world.  It's a scary life I'm living... 

Good gawd... What am I on about?  I'm just ranting and rambling unnecessary, and you've just wasted a few minutes of your life reading this... But thanks for reading it this far...  There's just so many things I wanted to write about... But the brain seems to shutdown for the night...  so I must get my beauty sleep then...  So until, take care and Ciao!