Going and Getting Stronger
(I wrote this post some time ago, before my trip to bangkok)
But I have made a comeback with my fitness this year. I'm not putting it off, but I will do this after my holidays to Bangkok. It's my first vacation of the year and after a long stay offshore, and I plan to enjoy it as much as I can (who knows this would be my last vacation after my house starts construction; which now is on-hold due to land-title deeds issues). I have made a conscious decision to bring myself back to par to my previous weight and fitness.
I'm doing this because I have been following one of the blog I have always visited every now and again. AnakPanyu, in a way, have inspired me, but I get put off with his motivation, by my everyday routine and lifestyle. Being offshore, and the long drive coming back to and from work, gives me less time for me to run or do any physical exercise, and if I do have that time, I would be too exhausted at most occasions. But all of that reasons, are just that, just reasons, or perhaps just excuses. What motivates me this time? Besides the fact that people are commenting I'm getting 'sihat' ('healthy'), I feel a little depressed and conscious of my looks (my vanity plays into a role here) and almost 80% of my clothes don't fit me anymore. I've thrown out all of my baggy clothes and some have given them to my brother-in-law because he's got a bigger body frame and taller than I am.
I have been gaining a lot of weight approximately 15 kgs over the course of 2 and a half years. And it's freaking me out. I have to do something. The warning signs have rang, and I have not been listening to it. And now it's time to put it into action. The weird thing is, some say, I look perfect at my weight right now and that I think I have gained (miraculously) some muscle mass. Nevertheless, I would love to lose some more weight of that, somehow that made me sound anorexic but I'm hardly thin to start with, LOL. I used to be a bigger size than I am right now, and when I lost weight last two years ago, some didn't recognised me, some hated me for it, some think that I was on drugs, some thought I am going through a secret weight loss illness, fortunately some knew as they always see me run every afternoon. Those who once hated when I looked skinny a couple of years ago say, I look perfect at the moment.
But it's not all about weight and looking good. I remembered at one time when I was in tip top shape and fitness. I was active. I was out-going. Ask me to run, I'd say how far, and multiply it by two, ask me to jump, I'd ask for how long and how high, ask me to swim, I'd be swimming like a fish. I felt I was on a natural high. If I am not doing anything, I'd be like a fish out of water. At one point, I ran in the pouring rain because I felt like it. I fell sick though the next day (so don't do that, LOL). And all of that, felt so good. My confidence level was up, my self esteem was soaring high, my social lifestyle was electrifying. I was on a roll. And I miss it. I miss it all. Other people (that does not know you) stare and I turn heads.
The point of it all, is not just about looks and fitness. Things, in a weird way go well, perhaps it's the way people treat you when you have that aura of good well being glowing around you. And it is infectious. Things go your way, just the way you wanted them to be. Life seems to be a breeze. In fact, you'd be having a difficult time trying to decline on social offers, because people want or need you to be there, because you're so much fun to hang out with. Seriously.
I must say, I am disappointed with myself to let myself gain so much weight. But instead of dwelling into negative thoughts, I'd turn it into positive actions and thoughts. I'm hopeful this time... Wonder if it's better to go muscular this time, than the lean skinny body... LOL...
So wish me all the best with this... Until then, take care, be fit and Ciao!
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