Bad Mood

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Since I will be away from my queen size bed and freedom to roam for two weeks... I am officially in a bad bad mood.

I have not packed, nothing, although I must, and I can feel a migraine coming...

(...logged off...)

I stopped writing as my migraine was getting in the way of my thinking, so I shut the computer off and laid on the bed for a while... then I started to pack, which took about an hour, because after being onshore for quite a long while, my offshore stuff is all over the place (my room that is...) I finally slept at about 2.45 am, no, I didn't sleep at all, I kept tossing and turning, my brain was at warp speed... I was thinking of the offer from one of my primary school classmate to visit her in Vancouver. I thought that would be spectacular! I was also thinking about my life being permanent onshore. Now that this trip will be my last trip. I was thinking about my workout regime and how would I fit that into my schedule... I thought of a lot of things, life in general, love in some particular and my future.

A good friend once gave me a CD which can hypnotise someone to sleep, it works, but I tried practising it last night and it didn't work. I think I feel asleep at about 4a.m. And at 5a.m, I was already up. I zombied myself to the shower... And like a smack to the head, the cold water was very very refreshing... I was already on the road by quarter past 6. Cut things short, by 9, here I am... Offshore. Sigh!

Oh yeah, someone wrote on my shoutmix about me to just never return home again and stay offshore. I am still not sure if that was a sarcastic remark or a plain joke, but I find it harsh. I guess, only those working here knows how it feels like to be here. And how much fun or how much it sucks to be here. But then again, if it were up to me, and as I wrote in my previous post, I don't mind staying for a long haul offshore or onshore, though not in the same department. It is not like there is someone waiting for me back home. Besides my family that is. I'm not seeking sympathy, because I'm not feeling sad with that fact. I'm content with that. I'm much happier with that fact, actually.

Oh, I recently got to think about my single life and how much I don't want to be in any form of intimate relationship ever again. It's a scary picture, but I guess I'll just let things be... But I notice that I have no emotional feelings (with reference to being attached or in relationship - a sense of detachment) and it scares me. Would I be a man who loves his freedom too much, that anyone who gets close to me is bound to get hurt? I hope not... But what I am feeling or better still not feeling right now... scares me...

Ranting... that's what I've been doing... and I've made a decision, skip lunch and hello nap time... So I will leave it to that... Take care, be safe and Ciao!

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