Ambivalence

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am·biv·a·lence - Pronunciation[am-biv-uh-luhns]

  1. uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
  2. Psychology. the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

That is what I am feeling right now. Stuck in a rut in the mud! Erghk! You turn left, you are a bad person, you turn right, you are at fault, you go straight, you are arrogant and proud, you go back, you are a coward, you go up, you are ungrateful, you go down, you are seeking attention. So what would one do in this case?

Me, as ambivalent as I am right now, focusing on a positive side of things. I am going to change. I will and I shall change. I'm not a new man. Just a new outlook of things and taking positive changes in my life.

p/s: I take up smoking again. It feels good!! Not enough wishes of luck, I suppose.

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