Not bad, not bad, 3 post per day?
More than a year ago, my current partner told me he found my naked body less than desirable and that he'd prefer me to keep on some clothes during lovemaking. I was hurt and gave him the boot. Days later, he showed up on my doorstep in tears, with flowers and an apology. I forgave him, knowing that if he really loves me, I shouldn't throw it all away. But since then, I don't feel the same about him. Why can't I convince my head and heart to return to the place they were before? —L.H., 36, Shady Cove, OR
Every relationship has its own Love Shack phase, when you're so crazy about each other that you can't see straight and none of your friends want to be around you because you're all glowy and thin and full of insufferably sweet stories about how cute Ed is when he folds a dish towel.
Mercifully, this phase doesn't last forever. While it's possible that your relationship with this guy has simply moved on to a less romantic, more realistic stage, I'd wager that his horrendous remarks hastened the dimming of your affection. The tears, flowers, and apology were nice and all, but not enough to offset his mean comments. You can't convince your head and heart to return to the same place because there's no going back, ever.
And on the matter of his "really loving you" — who talks to someone they really love that way? I think it's a testament to your good sense and self-respect that you can't convince yourself to love this man. You deserve to be cherished. Which I suspect, deep in your heart, you know.
Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019 or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com. Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state.
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