Midnight Thoughts: Honesty

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I'm in bed and I am tired.  But, I can't sleep.

I think I should take into account my best buddy, Bunny Buddy's advice.  I need to ease off the Teh Tariks or my Three Layer Tea aka Teh 'C' Special.

My mind revolves around my relationship with my Baby tonight.  Honesty.  Is it the best policy?  When is it okay to be not honest or better still, when is dishonesty acceptable?.  When receiving a gift that you absolutely hate?  When your girlfriend ask you if her ass look big?  When you had a valid opinion or argument about a topic which you believe by heart, but you anticipate a major disagreement or debate?

Confessing the honest truth can be fatal to a relationship.  Trust is broken, insecurity becomes overwhelming, and confrontation could occur.  But when someone gives you a second chance, you live in a state of owed, unpaid, unsettled, or with outstanding credit.  And to gain those trust back, will take time and energy.  And if one doesn't feel up to owning up to the level of trust that was lost, things will turn pear shape.

At one point, last year, I broke down trying to level with the honesty that my relationship expects.  The more I try, the more owed I feel.  But I'm lucky with my Baby, Baby doesn't expect too much of me.  Baby knows now that I'm not that much of a trust worthy person and could never not reach the level of honesty that the relationship needs.  I absolutely do not blame my Baby, because Baby is right, spot on right.  I blame myself, it is my own doing.  It's my fault and my bad.  The good thing is, Baby always gave me the chance to appeal and make up to the situation.  That is why I love my Baby so much.  I don't know how much chances I have left with my Baby, but I know whatever happens, we will never be apart.  

I start to think now that my readers might think that Baby compensates too much for the sake of a relationship.  Well, if that is the case, you are mostly right.  But seriously, Baby knows how to punish me.  LOL.  And every punishment, is well deserved.  I am still waiting for an outstanding punishment.  And waiting for a punishment has this dire effect on me... LOL.  It is like waiting for your death sentence, but you don't know when and how...  That's why I love my Baby... 

I love the song by Savage Garden - Affirmation.  He says that "I believe we place our happiness in other people's hand".   Happiness, the one we're always seeking for, yearn for, and when we found it, we place it in other people's hand.  To uphold, or to crush...  And in the end, we become the victims of our own doing.  Why?  Could we gain happiness on our own?  It's an ancient old stigma.  I suppose a balance of the both, that we should be seeking for.  Happiness that we could control.  But happiness is an emotion that tumbles violently between the rational mind and the fainted heart.  It's all jumbled up, convoluted in us.  Crazy.  

I have just realise and I'm sorry if the flow of my thoughts tonight are a little segmented, from being honest to being happy by ourselves.  I suppose my brain has gone a little berserk from the amount tea that I have been consuming all night and my ever draining energy.  I suppose it's time to call it quits for the night.  But I feel much better now...  I think I can sleep now.  Until then, dear folks, Adios.

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