Three down... Oh no! There's more?!
My eyes have gone square. If I look at my pupils, seriously, I think I'm seeing gridlines...
I have been updating hundreds and hundreds of material lists since morning, I've given up using spreadsheet, and have gone manual, with a red pen (going for the teacher feel) and ticking and "ex"-ing the numbers... Done, not done, partially done, cancelled, deferred! They're all the same to me now.
Updating from hardcopy to softcopy is tedious and monotonous. It is 1611hrs and I'm giving it a rest. I've done 3 files, but the mail girl put some more in the afternoon, I squealed! She laughed! I enjoy making people laugh. I used to be the joker. In school. At home. With friends. With relatives. I'm never the serious guy. Well, I can be serious if the situation deems me to be. Romantic, no, not me. Sweet, probably. Charismatic, nope. Charming, maybe. Bullshitter, definitely! It's always fun and laughter with me. I feel great when people laugh with me, well sometimes to the extend of laughing at me, I don't mind. If I couldn't make people laugh, I can get depressed. Like I wrote in my previous post, I'm quite f#*ked up. Then again, who isn't?
Some researchers, (and me not being bothered to look and link it), have found out that some funny people actually have issues. And the way they deal with their own issues, is by hiding it with smiles and laughter. I am that. At times, during my lowest depression, I am at my funniest. Sometimes the loudest. In the office, I'm trying (trying being the operative word here), to be mature and professional and trying I still am. (writing Yoda style, I am). I'm so messed up in my world inside my head, I'm as ambivalent as I can be. But nevertheless, I don't have to try to be something I am not. I'm me, take it or leave it (oh, c'mon, don't be like that! - Take me, pick me, choose me! Ah, gotta love Grey's Anatomy!)
I'm content though. With my life, although it feels a little incomplete. Maybe because my joy used to be my family, and without them, I feel that there's always something missing. My only link to my family is my brother, my brother-in-law and my dad. I'm living with friends, I'm happy staying with them, but it just isn't the same, isn't it? Until probably when the freaking bank comes up with a solution to my dream home, maybe eventually, I can feel complete just by my own. Can we be complete by being alone? I suppose we can. But one is a very lonely number. It's nice to be on the top of the world, to be number one in whatever we do, but then again, it's nice to share the feeling with someone than being forlorn. Damn, I'm rambling unneccessarily now.
So anyway, gotta go and kick some netball ass! Rambling again... Take care all, have a great week ahead. Adios Peeps!
I have been updating hundreds and hundreds of material lists since morning, I've given up using spreadsheet, and have gone manual, with a red pen (going for the teacher feel) and ticking and "ex"-ing the numbers... Done, not done, partially done, cancelled, deferred! They're all the same to me now.
Updating from hardcopy to softcopy is tedious and monotonous. It is 1611hrs and I'm giving it a rest. I've done 3 files, but the mail girl put some more in the afternoon, I squealed! She laughed! I enjoy making people laugh. I used to be the joker. In school. At home. With friends. With relatives. I'm never the serious guy. Well, I can be serious if the situation deems me to be. Romantic, no, not me. Sweet, probably. Charismatic, nope. Charming, maybe. Bullshitter, definitely! It's always fun and laughter with me. I feel great when people laugh with me, well sometimes to the extend of laughing at me, I don't mind. If I couldn't make people laugh, I can get depressed. Like I wrote in my previous post, I'm quite f#*ked up. Then again, who isn't?
Some researchers, (and me not being bothered to look and link it), have found out that some funny people actually have issues. And the way they deal with their own issues, is by hiding it with smiles and laughter. I am that. At times, during my lowest depression, I am at my funniest. Sometimes the loudest. In the office, I'm trying (trying being the operative word here), to be mature and professional and trying I still am. (writing Yoda style, I am). I'm so messed up in my world inside my head, I'm as ambivalent as I can be. But nevertheless, I don't have to try to be something I am not. I'm me, take it or leave it (oh, c'mon, don't be like that! - Take me, pick me, choose me! Ah, gotta love Grey's Anatomy!)
I'm content though. With my life, although it feels a little incomplete. Maybe because my joy used to be my family, and without them, I feel that there's always something missing. My only link to my family is my brother, my brother-in-law and my dad. I'm living with friends, I'm happy staying with them, but it just isn't the same, isn't it? Until probably when the freaking bank comes up with a solution to my dream home, maybe eventually, I can feel complete just by my own. Can we be complete by being alone? I suppose we can. But one is a very lonely number. It's nice to be on the top of the world, to be number one in whatever we do, but then again, it's nice to share the feeling with someone than being forlorn. Damn, I'm rambling unneccessarily now.
So anyway, gotta go and kick some netball ass! Rambling again... Take care all, have a great week ahead. Adios Peeps!
Comments