Hair Today, Gone Today?

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Today, I had a bad fever episode in the morning, my throat felt groggy and I knew I am about to get a flu.  Since I had my cough syrup, flu pills and aspirin with me from my last visit to the doctor, so I took them and went back to bed.  I don't want to fall sick again.

Being bed bound, throughout the day, I can't help but thinking and reflecting on my life.  I hate my life.  Not to the point of, I want to kill myself.  But I'm unhappy, especially reading a blog where someone's has been tagged.  She talks about what she didn't want to lose, which is her family, and if she won a million dollars, she wanted to build a mansion for her family.  That sound so sweet.  Then I start to reflect about what I have.  I have Baby, friends and lots of stuff.  Does that make me happy?  Well, yes to a certain extent, but truly happy?  I don't know...  Don't get me wrong, Baby makes me happy.  But I'm not happy being me.  I'm not happy about my life.  I hate it.  I feel at times that I don't have a sense of purpose, goal-less, stagnant, dormant, lifeless...

So I felt depressed.  Despite telling Zayn in my shoutmix box that I wanted to grow my hair long, I think that is out, because I cropped off my hair.  This is what I normally do when I feel down, I cut my hair off.  The sense of miserableness gone (well, almost)...  So my hair is gone...

Ciggy break...

So, where was I?  Yeah, I hate my life now.  I feel down.  I feel depressed.  I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to.  In spite of having a new car in the next week or so.  And it is hard to put a finger what are the things that makes me depressed.  I feel claustrophobic.  I feel useless.  I feel lonely.  I don't have a sense of direction...  

I'd have to do a lot of figuring out...  Until then, dear readers...  Adios...

Comments

Anonymous said…
Its not a crime to reflect on yourself once in a while, but don't overdo it. :)
23 May 2008 at 23:57
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