Hair Today, Gone Today?

-
Today, I had a bad fever episode in the morning, my throat felt groggy and I knew I am about to get a flu.  Since I had my cough syrup, flu pills and aspirin with me from my last visit to the doctor, so I took them and went back to bed.  I don't want to fall sick again.

Being bed bound, throughout the day, I can't help but thinking and reflecting on my life.  I hate my life.  Not to the point of, I want to kill myself.  But I'm unhappy, especially reading a blog where someone's has been tagged.  She talks about what she didn't want to lose, which is her family, and if she won a million dollars, she wanted to build a mansion for her family.  That sound so sweet.  Then I start to reflect about what I have.  I have Baby, friends and lots of stuff.  Does that make me happy?  Well, yes to a certain extent, but truly happy?  I don't know...  Don't get me wrong, Baby makes me happy.  But I'm not happy being me.  I'm not happy about my life.  I hate it.  I feel at times that I don't have a sense of purpose, goal-less, stagnant, dormant, lifeless...

So I felt depressed.  Despite telling Zayn in my shoutmix box that I wanted to grow my hair long, I think that is out, because I cropped off my hair.  This is what I normally do when I feel down, I cut my hair off.  The sense of miserableness gone (well, almost)...  So my hair is gone...

Ciggy break...

So, where was I?  Yeah, I hate my life now.  I feel down.  I feel depressed.  I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to.  In spite of having a new car in the next week or so.  And it is hard to put a finger what are the things that makes me depressed.  I feel claustrophobic.  I feel useless.  I feel lonely.  I don't have a sense of direction...  

I'd have to do a lot of figuring out...  Until then, dear readers...  Adios...

Comments

Anonymous said…
Its not a crime to reflect on yourself once in a while, but don't overdo it. :)
23 May 2008 at 23:57
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy Birthday to Me

-
Image
Happy Birthday to Me Warning: This will be a long read. There are a lot of things in my mind which I wanted to express. Today is my birthday, and now I am three decades old. Time has travelled so fast in front of my eyes. And today, I look back my life and reflect my past. And will also discuss my years to come, insyaallah. First and Foremost, on the eve of my birthday was the Sixty Second DJ competition which ran align with the best 914. Best 914 is a singing contest where the contestants are selected from a radio show which they called in and sang with a minus one song. And now, yesterday they sang really really well and they sounded like professional singers. It's amazing that they are just singers who just sang along in the radio, for some they have been into a few singing contest. Then it was our turn. I was the fifth contestant, to go and face the crowd. It was nerve wreaking looking at what looks like about a thousand people watching you. I did what I can, and I did it wi...
Read more

Tolerances and Compromises

-
I'm half angry and half sulking with my OH . Sometimes my OH have this ability to make me feel needy and clingy. Sometimes I feel that I'm always the one giving and giving, thus making me feel just like that. It is as if, I'm holding all my cards out for everyone to see for the sake of love. And I'm only making a great fool of myself. Where does that fine line starts or stop? Where would you draw the line from doing something for someone your love and doing anything and everything for someone you love? As days go by, sometimes I feel I'm doing the latter. I'm only writing my frustration here, not to belittle my beloved OH , I just need to release this anger that I am having at the moment. So what was this all about? Without elaborating too much on the matter, I asked to be together for one night and do what I wanted to do and then, I got a quick turn down. Purely because my OH don't feel like it. I've done my part of reluctance for the sake o...
Read more

Sunday at the Beach

-
Image
Since we had a great shooting at Tutong's Seri Kenangan Beach last week.  We decided to do a sequel with the usual crew, my mentor Corey and our model of the month, Redz.   So I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves, it's mediocre, I know, I'm still learning and I'm still couldn't get over with photoshopping issues.  I lose some quality when I reduce the image size.  It has been a great weekend.  And I sense a great weekday ahead. On our way to Seri Kenangan Beach The Tumpi (Malay Pan cake) was good, we nearly forgot the sun was setting, I love the silhouette created by the setting sun. A post card picture of a father and son, taking pictures of the sunset. Casuarina Tree Redz contemplating to go deeper into the sea... Breaking the waves Mastering the Panning technique Of course, we couldn't forget our Next Bruneian Top Model!  Picture perfect! So Until then my dear readers...  hope you like my pictures.  Comments appreciated.  These pictures are n...
Read more